Chapter 95
Even before she regained the memories of her previous life, Noxia had no choice but to be instinctively swayed like that. No matter that in this life she was Noxia Dekan—her soul belonged to Hermane, the ancient king.
‘Damn reincarnation. Who said I wanted to live again? Who said I wanted to experience my past-life emotions and my present-life emotions getting all mixed up?’
At least you were always you, Promeon. You always loved me. You still love me. You never once stopped. You never once put a period to it.
I’ve already put a period to it twice, Promeon. The first time, I said goodbye to you by dying. The second time, I took revenge on you by dying.
The tie to this world that was severed when I first descended to the afterlife—you forcibly stitched it back together. You patched me together like rags, until I became something that was neither this nor that.
‘You bastard.’
You, hateful and pitiful. And me, who can neither completely let you go nor fully embrace you.
A fool who feels jealousy over lingering attachments to a past-life bond, yet cannot forget the love of this life and suffers from longing.
Yes, Noxia still longed for Elenon. She had not yet completely forgotten her first love, the one she held as Noxia Dekan.
Unable even to cut away that longing, yet feeling jealousy over another man—it stirred a sense of guilt, as though she were two-timing.
‘Strictly speaking, it’s not two-timing. I clearly broke up with the Prince, didn’t I? I’m not committing a sin against him.’
Even if it could hardly be called a proper breakup—more like she unilaterally erased his memories and ran away.
Still, in any case, she was no longer in a romantic relationship with Prince Elenon, so she hoped that being shaken while looking at Promeon would not be a sin against him.
‘This is why you shouldn’t regain memories of a past life in the first place. Though hardly anyone reincarnates to begin with.’
Of all people, it had to be the one she had devoted her entire first life to loving.
The one person with whom, across three whole lifetimes, she had formed the bond of marriage.
Even after dying not once but twice afterward, she had not been able to sever her heart from him completely.
Being swept up in the remnants of a love long past and suffering for it—that was the burden borne by her, now born for the third time.
Just as Noxia had predicted, there were more customers than usual today. It wasn’t unmanageable, but it was busier than other days.
She almost welcomed the bustle. It let her immerse herself in taking orders one by one, washing used cups, and organizing the shelves.
It was better to be overwhelmed with work than to waver under Promeon’s sidelong glances constantly directed at her. If there had been barely any customers and she had to sit around alone with him in the shop, it would have been unbearable.
At the end of the unusually long day, evening finally came. After seeing off the last customer, Noxia locked the door and flipped the sign. She turned to Promeon.
“You worked hard today. Let’s clean up and go home.”
“Hermane.”
Promeon called gently. At the sound of that name, Noxia flinched. Unbothered, he continued with concern.
“Did I make you uncomfortable today, by any chance?”
“What?”
“You’ve been avoiding me since earlier. Not even trying to make eye contact.”
So he noticed after all. Feeling embarrassed, Noxia brushed a hand over her face.
“It’s not because of you. There were just a lot of customers today, so I’m tired.”
She lied. She couldn’t bring herself to admit that she was exhausted from feeling jealous of every female customer who exchanged words with him today.
It didn’t seem like Promeon believed her. Whether it was because of an immortal’s keen senses, or because he was simply that perceptive when it came to Hermane alone, he could easily see through her lies.
“Alright. I understand.”
Yet instead of pressing her to tell the truth or forcibly digging through her memories, he chose to play along obediently.
He was always like this. At crucial moments, he would ultimately force her to stay by his side, yet as long as she remained within the fence he had set, he never tried to impose anything.
Seeing him wear a cautious expression, almost like a servant watching his master’s mood, Noxia swallowed the sigh that rose to her throat. Lately, she had accumulated more sighs she couldn’t voice because of Promeon.
‘What am I supposed to do with you?’
And what on earth am I supposed to do with my heart that wavers because of you?
“…Promeon.”
“Yeah?”
“Should we go out and have some fun before heading home today?”
“Huh?”
“Instead of going straight home after cleaning, how about stopping by the village? I heard there’s a night market for tourists. Let’s go together.”
It was a largely impulsive suggestion.
A mix of fear that returning to the house they shared and shutting themselves in until morning might only make things more awkward—and a slightly impure desire born from the instinctive jealousy she had felt today.
Promeon was visibly flustered, and Noxia herself startled at her own words. But she didn’t want to take them back now. A strange stubbornness welled up within her.
“Let’s go together, Promeon. To the night market.”
It was also a kind of resignation. A sorrowful declaration that she had to accept that Promeon was now part of her daily life, that she couldn’t remain bound to old habits forever.
She had to grow used to being with him. To walking outside with him, showing herself before others, visiting a night market without feeling anything in particular. To not feel pain even if memories of the past surfaced.
Since she had erased the memories of those who knew Noxia Dekan and chosen a new life for herself, bearing the responsibility for that choice was also her own burden.
She wanted to feel even a little more at ease. She wanted being by Promeon’s side to feel more natural.
She had already grown accustomed to living under the same roof, eating the meals he prepared, and going back and forth to the teahouse with his send-offs and welcomes. Now she wanted to try something new together.
“…Alright.”
After staring at her intently, Promeon finally replied. There was no way he would refuse. For Hermane to suggest doing something together first—Promeon could only follow blindly.
The cleaning, which Noxia usually did alone, finished much faster with Promeon joining in. The immortal’s supernatural ability to wipe away all dust cleanly with a mere gesture or glance was certainly useful at times like this.
The two walked silently to the market. Though it wasn’t especially early, the summer days were long, and a trace of watery light still lingered in the sky.
The square where the night market was held was crowded with people. The fishy scent unique to the seaside mingled with the smells of food being cooked at various street stalls and restaurants, creating a distinctive aroma.
The lively sight of people busily buying and selling naturally brought a smile to her lips. Noxia looked around with a pleased expression.
‘It’s been a long time since I’ve come somewhere this noisy.’
To begin with, Noxia Dekan’s life had been far removed from noisy places.
She was born in a tranquil rural village and attended a small school with few students. Even after going to the capital, she worked in a library where quiet was the basic rule.
When she dated Elenon, they mostly spent time in quiet restaurants or the prince’s villa, away from prying eyes. Even when she met friends, it was usually just three or four people at most.
After she began living alone with Promeon, her life grew even quieter. Having erased others’ memories and cut ties with her past, for a while she had no one to talk to except him.
Running the teahouse improved things slightly, but it too was fundamentally a quiet place. Her regulars preferred resting alone in silence rather than chatting.
Thus, the bustling vitality surrounding her now felt like a sweet delicacy appearing amid the same repetitive meals every day.
‘This is fun.’
It was the perfect change of pace. She smiled without realizing it.
Promeon had been watching her all along. Seeing her smile made his chest stir. He asked gently,
“What do you want to buy?”
Noxia considered briefly, but didn’t need long.
“First, let’s get something to eat. I’m hungry.”
Normally, this would be the time she arrived home to eat the meal Promeon had prepared. She felt a habitual hunger.
“Alright. What do you want?”
Promeon asked happily. He was delighted that Noxia was interacting with him so casually, like an ordinary friend or lover, and a smile unconsciously formed on his lips.
“Let’s just look around first.”
She began walking lightly, and Promeon stayed close so as not to lose her in the crowd.
As befitted a night market aimed more at seasonal tourists than local residents, it was filled with festival-like snacks.
Noxia wandered from booth to booth selling food and drinks, replacing a proper meal with various snacks—spicy fried chicken glistening with oil, steaming baked potatoes, waffles topped with whipped cream, and more.
Promeon, who did not feel hunger like others, paid obediently each time with a happy expression, no matter what she chose. It was no exaggeration to say that just watching her eat filled him up.
What he desired was for Noxia—no, Hermane—to be happy by his side. For there to remain not even a single grain of lingering attachment to the time she had lived as Noxia Dekan.
So how could he not be delighted at the peaceful sight of her stuffing her cheeks like a squirrel, filling herself with all kinds of delicious food? He felt so overwhelmed he might cry.
‘Just keep smiling like this.’
He pleaded inwardly. Even if tears of blood flowed from his own eyes, as long as she kept smiling, he too would smile along. Even if those bright red tears drenched him from head to toe.
‘Keep going like this, all the way to the end—until you grow old by my side and meet a peaceful death….’
Your third deathbed will be as tranquil as your first. At the very least, you will close your eyes after living out your full lifespan. Even if one corner of your heart inevitably aches because of the me you leave behind.
‘…I wonder. Would you really grieve for me in this life as well?’
A thread of doubt spread like dark clouds in his deep blue eyes. In her first life, Hermane had loved him until her very last moment—but now, well. Nothing could be certain.
