Chapter 61 …
Sometimes It’s Okay to Go Slowly
Ever since giving Elder Allan the stimulant, Aileen had fallen into a new kind of worry. The ticklish feeling she had experienced that day, wrapped in Lloyd’s pheromones, hadn’t disappeared.
Aileen rose from her seat and headed toward the window. Knights were bustling back and forth in preparation for the departure ceremony.
“Soon…”
A subtle gleam appeared in Aileen’s eyes.
Once Lloyd went off to the battlefield, the semblance of their married life would be cut off. By the time he returned, it would be her turn to leave. The month that had felt both long and short slipped by, and Aileen let out a heavy sigh.
Her heart felt strange. She had been waiting for him to leave, yet when she thought the day had actually come, it wasn’t entirely a joyous feeling. Perhaps, without realizing it, she had grown dependent on Lloyd.
Aileen rose from her seat. Tonight was the last night before his departure.
The night when they would fulfill their marital duties.
After washing up and returning to her room, Aileen froze at the sight of Lloyd, who had arrived earlier. He sat on the bed and turned his head to look at her, water still clinging to his hair.
“When did you get here?”
“Not long ago. Late, huh?”
“Ah…”
Aileen fidgeted with her fingers, embarrassed to admit that she had taken longer than usual because she had been meticulous in her washing.
As Lloyd rose from the bed, Aileen’s gaze followed him, and she swallowed hard. Conscious of what was about to happen, she clutched the skirt of her pajamas.
Would he come to her? Or would it be better if she approached him instead, rather than prolonging the moment? Or did he rise because she hadn’t moved herself?
While Aileen hesitated, Lloyd drew close. He extended his hand toward her, and she could not bear to watch it reach for her body, closing her eyes instead. Yet his hand merely brushed past her side without touching her.
“The wine?”
Aileen realized he had reached for the bottle behind him, and her face flushed crimson. It was obvious that, in this moment, she was the only thing on her mind.
Covering her face with the back of her hand, she stepped back from Lloyd.
“I won’t drink.”
She chose to remain tense rather than risk repeating past mistakes if she drank.
Seeing the redness around her eyes, Lloyd did not insist. Pouring a half glass of wine and taking a sip, he turned to face her.
“Come here.”
Drawn almost trance-like, Aileen took his hand. His large hand enveloped hers, leaving a small space between their fingers. She could have pulled away at any moment—he had left her that choice.
Aileen wiggled her fingers inside his hand. Lloyd chuckled softly and walked toward the bed. Aileen allowed herself to be guided along.
“Calm down.”
She pressed her fist to her chest, secretly trying to steady her racing heart. Her face felt flushed, hot as if feverish.
Lloyd sat on the bed and looked at her. Standing before him, she felt little difference in height. As he reached for her waist and gently embraced her, Aileen braced herself by holding his shoulders. She could feel the firmness of his muscles through the thin fabric.
Feeling the warmth she rested upon her shoulders, Lloyd offered a satisfied smile.
“You’ve worked hard. It shows.”
With that, he gently laid her down on the bed, keeping his embrace around her waist. Aileen, briefly distracted by the ornate chandelier above, lowered her gaze to him.
“I won’t run away.”
“Good posture,” he said as he moved over her. Kneeling, he removed his upper garment. The sight of his toned body made Aileen’s eyes widen slightly.
She had known he was well-trained, but the intricate definition of his muscles fascinated her.
“You can touch me.”
Spellbound, Aileen reached out. Her hand traced from beneath his collarbone, stopping at his shoulder. She hadn’t yet dared explore further.
“Well done.”
Satisfied by her tentative touch, Lloyd lightly tapped her hand and leaned in. As he tilted his head to kiss her, Aileen tightly shut her eyes.
“Aileen.”
Stopping just short of her lips, Lloyd called her name. She felt his breath brush against her, and she opened one eye to meet his gaze before opening the other.
“Don’t take your hands off my shoulders.”
It took a moment, but she understood his words. Lloyd was giving her control, even now, and she felt an indescribable mix of emotions as she stared at her hand resting on his shoulder. She knew he was not a man to treat others carelessly—but why was he doing all this? Perhaps it was because she had become his wife and, if she desired, could fully yield to him.
“So that the time we spend together doesn’t become a nightmare in memory.”
“Ah…”
Suddenly, everything Lloyd had been doing made sense. Aileen felt ashamed that she had not cherished herself as much as he cherished her. Emotions surged at his thoughtful care.
“I-it’s okay,” she nodded. Understanding she had given permission, Lloyd lowered his lips. The brief contact carried warmth, mingled with breath, and then Lloyd tilted his head away, leaving Aileen to close her eyes and hold her breath.
Now accustomed to his familiar scent, the unease was less intense, though faint memories she had tried to suppress began to stir. She reminded herself that the man holding her was Lloyd—far superior to Patrick—and the act itself was not something to fear, but a creeping sense of nervousness arose from her toes upward.
As Lloyd gently bit his lower lip, Aileen curled her fingers slightly, resisting. Sensing her hesitation, Lloyd approached with care, and she opened her lips. As he willingly entered her mouth, her body tensed more than before.
Thinking about what might come next, all the restraint she had maintained all winter seemed to vanish. Blinking with unfocused eyes, Aileen lightly pushed against his shoulders.
She could not completely refuse, but her heart was not ready, and her reaction reflected that. Lloyd quickly read her response and paused. Maintaining a calm expression, he withdrew. Aileen covered her mouth with the back of her hand.
“What should I do?”
She had ultimately rejected him. Yet Lloyd had anticipated it, showing no surprise. Guilt welled up in Aileen, and she felt like crying.
She had been weak, failing to fully embrace Lloyd, thinking only of her family, having promised him marriage, but not fulfilling their marital duties.
“Don’t make that face—I expected it,” Lloyd said, lying beside her and pulling her waist toward him. Holding her tightly so she could feel her breath, he slowly traced her back.
“It’s okay to go slowly sometimes.”
Lloyd continued warming her body, letting her calm. Aileen looked up at him, tears forming in her eyes.
“But we need to have a child,” she said.
She had mentioned she was beta and hoped any child she bore would not inherit certain traits. Knowing his wishes, she assumed they would be intimate tonight.
Yet Lloyd twitched his eyebrows and let out a small laugh. Aileen, not understanding, looked at him with wide eyes. He found her expression cute and laughed again before speaking.
“Do you really think we’ll conceive in just one try?”
“Well… if we’re lucky?”
Blushing, she buried her face in his chest without finishing the thought.
“I appreciate your confidence, but that’s not something I can guarantee. It would be easier to ask how to win this war than predict that.”
Lloyd’s joke made Aileen laugh genuinely for the first time. Though she felt guilty, being held like this and talking to him relaxed every tension in her body. She held him silently, appreciating a man who had waited for her and now embraced her, both foolish and dear.
