CHAPTER 81…………………………….
Hwangbira…
It was a position I had never even considered once. I never imagined it would become an option in my life, and the one who stopped me from being forcibly made the Crown Princess was no one else but Theo.
And now, Theo was asking me to become the Crown Princess.
I couldn’t help but doubt whether I had heard him correctly. Until recently, he had been the one insisting I shouldn’t give up on acting and should go to Bria, pushing me to the very end.
So why was he waiting for my answer after saying something like that?
His eyes were moist, his gaze restless, and his pale, dry lips trembled slightly. Today, more than ever, he seemed fragile, and I found it hard to speak.
Looking at his face, I realized his request was not a light one.
I was quite popular. Two men had proposed to me within just a few days.
I couldn’t accept the position of Crown Princess with empty words to someone whose heart had no room for me. I had no intention of becoming the Crown Princess. Nor did I want to give false hope by delaying my answer.
The only thing I could do was refuse sincerely.
“Theo… I…”
“Don’t speak.”
To avoid hearing my voice, he closed his eyes tightly, shaking his head repeatedly and letting out a deep sigh.
He opened his eyes wide as if making a decision and even smiled slightly. Did he expect me to smile back? But my heart didn’t move. It was an undeniably bitter smile, one I couldn’t return to him.
And I didn’t want to return it.
“I only said that because I wanted to lean on someone. I blurted it out, thinking stupidly that if I offered the Crown Princess position, you wouldn’t go to Bria.”
He gave an unsolicited explanation.
“It was a meaningless thing I said. So you don’t need to answer words that aren’t sincere.”
Just like the words he spoke, his gaze that had already drifted away couldn’t be taken back. I couldn’t believe the desperate look in his eyes I had read meant nothing.
But the deep frown on his forehead made it clear he didn’t want to talk anymore.
I was better at faking a smile, so to lighten the mood, I nudged his melancholic self and said,
“You really scared me. Can you even imagine us as a married couple?”
He pressed his lips together as if trying to swallow something he wanted to say.
“Oh my!”
Before I could follow the train of thought, his hand was on my waist, pulling me close so that our lips were nearly touching.
I was frozen, wide-eyed, my breath caught. His strong grip left me unable to move.
“Haa.”
He didn’t move his lips closer or farther, only lowering his gaze. He let out a sigh, the kind whose meaning I couldn’t guess, and embraced me.
“Haha. As I thought, if it’s not acting, I couldn’t kiss you. You’re right—I can’t even imagine us as a married couple. If we can’t even kiss, how could we be husband and wife?”
I thought of his words about wanting to lean on someone, and I comforted him as he forced out a joke.
“Even if I go to Bria, I won’t go far from you. So don’t think I’m leaving you.”
Accepting the comfort, he bowed his head further, burying himself into me.
“Until I leave the capital, will you call me whenever you need me? I want to be your strength when you feel lonely or troubled.”
I thought he would nod in agreement again.
Unexpectedly, he sat back and looked at me directly, smiling much more naturally than before.
“Let’s not see each other for a while, Joyce. I feel like I’ll become weak if I do.”
The words that I hoped were a lie sounded painfully sincere.
“Not see each other? Why say such upsetting things? You’re allowed to become weak sometimes too.”
“No. Now is not the time to be weak. If I see you, I’ll relax, and even after you leave, I’ll dwell on thoughts. If I let my guard down, the Empire is finished.”
I could feel the determination in his firm tone.
I couldn’t force a friend determined to become stronger to lean on me.
“I have to respond to the citizens I’m responsible for. In fact, you’re one of my citizens too, aren’t you?”
“I don’t even know how to repay such a gracious favor, Your Majesty.”
I teased him, though he wasn’t emperor yet. I felt both understanding and frustration at his attempt to push me away.
Not only did he step back from my life, but he also declared a tentative withdrawal from my future.
Though a pang of sadness arose, I spoke in a bright voice so as not to burden his heavy shoulders further.
“If that’s your wish, I’ll cooperate. You’ve always been my supporter anyway.”
“When the Empire returns to normal life, we’ll smile at each other again. Of course, we’ll meet frequently at official events.”
Before heading to Peredil, I turned at the door to give a final farewell.
“But if it gets hard, come to me anytime.”
“I understand.”
He smiled brightly and said he would, but I could already see in my mind that he wouldn’t come looking for me—for now, at least.
“Did you have a good talk?”
He seemed busy with work, even during the brief private conversation with Theo, but he had brought me along anyway, which made me grateful.
“Thank you for letting me have a private conversation with Theo. I thought you’d be jealous, but I guess you’re not?”
“What are you talking about? I tried to work while waiting, but I couldn’t read a single document because you two distracted me.”
He smiled, taking off his glasses.
“Did you comfort him well?”
“Theo… said we shouldn’t see each other for a while. He thought being with me would make him dwell on thoughts.”
“Losing his father must be hard. Work is the best way to distract oneself. I used to do the same.”
Sitting across from him, I leaned forward, perching slightly on the desk to look down at him.
“Not now, then?”
“There’s no need to force work just to push away painful thoughts. I have you.”
“Pfft. What would you do if I disappeared?”
Embarrassed by his words, I tried to hide a smile, pretending to be annoyed.
“What do you mean?”
Unintentionally, I spoke out, and he scowled and lunged at me.
“Well… maybe I go on a vacation with family, or meet an old friend far away for a short while.”
The excuse seemed to satisfy him, and his expression softened.
“Oh… I see.”
As if relieved, he sighed and leaned forward, holding my hands tightly and burying his face in them.
“You said you didn’t like a partner who handles hardships alone, right? Honestly, sometimes I feel uneasy because it’s hard to believe you’re actually by my side.”
I marveled at how he remembered and acted on everything I said.
How could he follow my words so faithfully? I thought such things only happened in fictional love stories.
“Joyce, please, even jokingly, don’t say you’ll leave me. Such words make me too weak.”
He was someone who swallowed solitude and loneliness at the mansion, never showing weakness to anyone. To avoid being looked down upon, he worked twice as hard as others, hiding every flaw.
Yet, in front of me, he trembled, tiny and vulnerable. Not unattractive, not unlovable.
Seeing someone display such unguarded desire was courageous, admirable. Being able to show weakness was a sign of strength.
It overwhelmed me to realize that I was the person he endlessly yearned for.
“Yes, I will.”
I was cruel. Even though I knew I would eventually leave him, I spoke words without responsibility.
Leaving wasn’t something I could say aloud, so I justified myself in this way.
For now, all I could do was reassure him and see that happy smile as if he had the world.
I imagined repeating the same words over and over.
It was five days after the funeral.
A special council meeting was held in the royal palace, which should have been preparing for the coronation. The presiding officer was Marquis Volain.
With so much work piled up and working late, I couldn’t have a date with Joyce, let alone attend my speech lessons.
The Empire’s affairs rested solely on me. I didn’t like dragging an already exhausted person here and there.
I tried to pull myself together and conserve my faint patience before taking my seat. But as soon as Marquis Volain spoke, his unpleasant attitude made me flare up.
“Did you say that His Highness Theodor must participate personally in the suppression operation?”
