Chapter 05
With Kartian’s guidance, Lia was able to arrive safely at the library.
However, she still disliked the fact that he was holding her hand.
It was uncomfortable.
She kept wiggling her fingers to show her discomfort, but it was useless.
Was he pretending not to notice, or did he truly not know?
“Can you let go of my hand now?”
Lia shook her hand as if telling him to hurry up and release it.
“You’re my Empress.”
Kartian muttered, as if saying that holding hands should be allowed.
It was completely different from the imposing 모습 he had shown earlier.
“I need to look at books, choose them, and read. Won’t this be uncomfortable?”
More than that, the situation itself was uncomfortable, but Lia spoke as if trying to persuade him.
No—if he had acted forcefully like his original personality, she would have firmly told him to let go because it was uncomfortable and annoying.
But since he kept watching her reactions and acting weak, she could not do that.
Even so, Lia’s attitude was quite firm.
“I’ll take the books out for you. I’ll turn the pages too.”
“Wouldn’t it be enough if you just let go of my hand?”
Even at Lia’s words, Kartian shook his head as if refusing.
A grown man acting like this—what was so cute about it?
And yet, strangely enough, he really was cute.
Ironically so.
Was this what people meant by good looks doing all the work?
In the end, Lia sighed as if she had no choice and started walking, deliberately pretending not to notice Kartian beside her.
“By the way, why are you alone?”
He always used to have that hanger-on, Baron, following him around.
“He kept giving you disrespectful looks. And it seemed like you were uncomfortable.”
Kartian was right.
From Lia’s perspective, Baron was uncomfortable.
Every time she spoke, he gave her such cold looks.
It was less uncomfortable and more irritating.
Seeing that, Kartian was not completely insensitive.
So why did he not realize that the person who made her the most uncomfortable was himself?
It felt like he knew and was pretending not to.
“But why do you ask?”
“I just asked because the person I usually see wasn’t there.”
“You don’t have any interest in him, do you?”
Kartian, who usually looked endlessly weak in front of her, showed a cold expression for once.
“I don’t.”
Her head was already complicated enough. She had no room to care about anyone else.
Lia answered coldly.
“It’s fine if you don’t like me. But you must not like another man. I won’t allow even a fragment of interest.”
Kartian tightened his grip on her hand as he spoke coldly.
As if he would never tolerate such a thing.
As if he himself did not know what he might do if it happened.
“That won’t happen. Neither the first nor the second.”
It meant that Lia would neither like Kartian nor show interest in another man.
“How can you be so sure? You might end up liking me.”
The Emperor spoke with a hurt expression.
“Didn’t you say earlier that it was fine if I didn’t?”
“……”
Kartian fell silent, having nothing to say.
What he meant back then was that it was better for her to not like him than to like another man—not that it was truly fine for her to not like him at all.
Lia knew that, yet pretended not to.
She did not want to like him, and there was no reason to.
She had a place to return to and no intention of staying here forever.
She was only dealing with the Emperor because she had no choice.
Even if that were not the case, it would be foolish to hold him in her heart when she never knew when he might come to his senses and cast her aside.
Kartian faithfully kept his word, pulling out the books Lia showed interest in without being asked.
She did not even have time to request it.
After choosing enough books, Lia took a seat.
As soon as she sat down, Kartian opened the book for her.
Since one of her hands was free, she could have done it herself, but it was bothersome to complain, so she quietly read.
The books Lia chose were about imperial etiquette and noble customs.
There were also history books about the Empire.
Kartian looked puzzled at her choices, but only briefly.
Perhaps realizing he should not disturb her, he quietly sat and watched Lia read.
Kartian’s obvious gaze should have been distracting, but Lia ignored it and kept reading.
It was not that she was completely unaware of it, but she did not think he would listen even if she spoke.
He usually listened to her well, but there were things he refused to yield on.
The book explained in detail how one should greet the Emperor and how noble ladies should bow.
At the same time, what had happened earlier came to mind.
As the noble lady said, until the Empress accepted the greeting, the other could not rise—that was imperial etiquette.
Normally, it did not apply among nobles, but Lia was the Empress.
The same applied when greeting the Emperor.
There was much more written as well.
It felt less like reading and more like studying, so it was not very fun.
‘Studying again at this age… I already studied enough back in Korea.’
Still, the content was new, so it felt fresh. But it was not enjoyable.
That did not last long. Lia frowned.
Ignoring Kartian’s gaze was one thing, but she could not ignore him constantly fiddling with and kneading her hand beside her.
It was truly, very annoying.
Her hand was not clay.
“Could you stay still?”
“I was staying still.”
Kartian complained sulkily.
He knew he should not disturb her reading, yet it annoyed him that she focused only on the book while he sat right beside her.
“Then don’t just stay still—do nothing at all.”
Otherwise, she would pull her hand away.
Lia spoke sternly. Kartian’s expression darkened.
Every time she looked at him, he reminded her of a dog.
A dog desperate for its owner’s attention.
If he had puppy ears, they would surely be drooping right now.
No matter how she thought about it, this was too much.
People could change, but this was excessive.
They said a person’s core never changed—yet the Emperor had changed too much.
He was completely different from before.
“Is that fun?”
At Kartian’s words, Lia glanced at the book.
“It’s not fun.”
“Then why read it if it’s not fun?”
Kartian muttered in dissatisfaction.
“Does a book have to be fun to be read?”
Sometimes, you read because you need to.
Lia replied indifferently.
“Do you like reading?”
“I like reading itself.”
She enjoyed books regardless of genre.
Since Lia liked being alone, reading was the perfect hobby—quiet time by herself.
“Did you like it originally?”
Kartian asked with interest, knowing nothing about Lia before she lost her memory.
“I probably did. But who knows.”
What the original owner of this body was like—she did not know.
Lia replied calmly.
Kartian’s face filled with dissatisfaction.
If he did not speak first, she never initiated conversation.
Even when he spoke, her answers were brief, and the conversation ended unless he continued.
Did she truly have no interest in him?
She could at least ask once.
Whether he liked reading too.
What kind of books he liked.
“What exactly happened earlier?”
Trying hard to keep the conversation going, Kartian asked.
“You heard it.”
Lia replied as if asking why he was asking again.
“……”
He had heard something, but not a clear explanation.
It felt like there was more than what the noble lady said.
“Did they ignore you?”
“It’s nothing new.”
Since it was true, Lia did not deny it.
“Why is that?”
Kartian could not understand why ignoring the Empress was not something new.
“An Empress without the Emperor’s favor is nothing more than a name.”
Of course, that was not the only reason.
The Emperor himself had created that situation.
Even the maids ignored her—so how would noble ladies be different?
The maids’ disrespect simply had not surfaced because of the former Empress’s tyranny.
“Not anymore… Not anymore. I truly like you now.”
Kartian spoke gloomily, as if reflecting on his past self.
“Even if that’s true now, it won’t last forever.”
She was not criticizing him—just stating a fact.
She had no intention of receiving his favor.
“Why are you always so….”
Why did she deny his affection again and again?
Kartian’s expression twisted painfully.
“I’m not blaming you. I’m just stating facts. I don’t resent what you did in the past either.”
People could not control who they loved.
Thinking of the Emperor and Empress’s relationship, it was inevitable.
And it had nothing to do with her.
She was different from the original Empress, Lianna. She was not bound by his love.
“You can say you’re dissatisfied. You can blame me.”
So please, give me even a little of your attention.
Kartian pleaded desperately.
Lia looked at him.
Her reflection filled his eyes.
But what should she say?
She could not tell him she was not the real Empress.
Nor did she want to accept his affection and go along with him.
“I don’t understand.”
How losing his memory alone could change him this much.
That question had always lingered in her mind.
“If understanding is what you need, I’ll keep trying until I earn it.”
“Is it worth that much effort?”
If it were her, she would have given up and found someone else.
That was how Lia had always lived.
She had experienced unrequited love before.
She had confessed and been rejected.
She had dated and broken up when feelings changed.
Her response had always been simple.
She erased her emotions cleanly.
Sometimes she found someone else.
Sometimes she lived as if nothing had happened.
But she never clung to someone.
She never begged for love.
“To me, you’re worth all of that.”
Kartian said firmly.
“I see. Value is subjective.”
What had no value to one could mean everything to another.
So Lia did not argue.
Accepting it did not mean embracing it.
“You’re too cold, Lia.”
So cold that even I might freeze.
Lia was kind, yet unbearably cold.
Kartian did not know why he was clinging to her.
Yet he could not let go.
Letting her go felt like losing his heart itself.
She had already filled his heart completely.
Reason did not matter. His heart told him—she was everything. She was his fate.
Driven by emotion stronger than reason, Kartian followed instinct alone.
“Your hand is so warm.”
He said softly, regretfully.
“That’s because you’ve been holding it this whole time.”
Any hand would grow warm like that.
“Then if I keep holding you, won’t you become warm too?”
Your heart as well?
Kartian looked at Lia with hope.
“Think whatever you want.”
She wanted to deny him coldly—but she could not.
This was the problem.
She should reject him clearly, yet she left a small opening at the end.
“Lia… Lia.”
Holding her hand—the only warmth allowed to him—Kartian called her desperately.
“Ha.”
What even was this?
Yet she did not shake his hand away.
“Do you really remember nothing?”
She asked quietly.
“I’m sorry.”
That apology meant he remembered nothing.
“There’s nothing to apologize for. I caused it.”
“Lia….”
Kartian leaned into her gloomily.
He was warm. Very warm.
“I’ll wait. Until you like me.”
He said, as if making a vow.
She should have told him not to wait.
But looking at his large frame, somehow looking small, she could not say it.
Perhaps he knew.
That she was weak to sincerity.
Weak to unconditional affection.
That was why she had been like that even in her original world.
She pushed people away, yet ended up allowing those who persisted.
That was why people surrounded her, even though she preferred solitude.
Sometimes, Kartian even looked cute to her.
“Since this has happened, reading more seems impossible. Shall we have tea together?”
She did not enjoy tea, but it was not mealtime, and there was nothing else to do.
“…Alright.”
Kartian’s face lit up at Lia’s rare suggestion.
The tea time itself was nothing special.
They drank tea under gentle sunlight.
Kartian kept talking to earn even a fragment of her attention.
Lia replied reluctantly.
Even that was exhausting.
She had planned to read quietly in the library alone.
But what could she do?
He clung to her affectionately. Her iron wall kept weakening.
After tea, Lia returned to her room and went to sleep.
It was early, but there was nothing else to do.
The maid had brought books, but she had read enough for the day.
The next day, when Lia woke late, an unexpected visitor arrived.
“Who are you?”
At her question, the middle-aged man looked offended.
“You’re being petulant after I came all this way?”
She realized they knew each other.
Looking closer, she noticed resemblance.
‘My father.’
It all made sense.
His rude attitude, his sudden visit.
And one more thing—this body’s owner had not been close to her father.
There was no affection in his eyes.
‘No wonder this woman had no one decent around her.’
