Chapter 37
My mood immediately lifted, and I pulled Adel into a tight hug, savoring the moment.
I was a despicable opportunist, and there was no telling when I might get another chance to embrace Adel like this.
“Trash can be small or big, you know. The Duke even drops gold coins all the time, doesn’t he? Knowing it and not picking them up is even more irritating. But anyway, if you’re that kind of bad person, it’s fine. I’ll accept you with a heart as vast as the sea.”
The strands of Adel’s hair tickling my cheek were incredibly soft.
That texture, the citrus scent, the hand supporting my back—everything made my chest ache with sensation.
Everything was overwhelmingly good.
“And you know, I’ll try too.”
Anastasia Sinclair’s fate had already been decided. The end was close, and the incurable disease’s true nature still hadn’t even been identified.
The time given to me was only two years.
Just that—nothing more.
A span cruelly short for doing anything at all, far too brief compared to other people’s entire lifetimes.
I had given up and never even started, because I didn’t want to be disappointed.
Even now, I wasn’t speaking of effort with some grand resolve.
It was just that, if I could make you a little less sad, even for one day—
Because I wanted to see you smile just one more time.
For such a trivial reason, I found myself wanting to live.
“Yes. I’m sure I’ll wander and lose my way at times, but when that happens, I’ll remember what Anastasia said today and regain my strength. So please don’t feel burdened. The only thing I would ever regret is failing to save you.”
Adel promised that he would not turn the future shown by the holy relic into reality.
“You’re worried that I might become twisted if you die, Anastasia. But that will never happen. You said you’d teach me how to keep to the proper line. I trust you, Anastasia. So please, feel free to get under my skin as much as you like.”
At last, I smiled broadly. I released Adel and sat pressed close beside him.
Nothing had changed, yet simply deciding to hold on to hope made me feel this good—it felt strangely miraculous. As if the world itself looked a little more beautiful.
“What kind of person am I to you?”
As my voice lifted, Adel smiled too.
“A very precious person.”
So dazzling! The cutest in the world! I want to hug him again! I should’ve just given up being human and been a little greedier. We finally hugged, and I didn’t even get to touch his hair……
Suddenly, I wondered if I was the only one feeling this desperate.
“Adel, have you ever wanted to hold my hand?”
“Of course.”
His plain affirmation drained my strength. Maybe that metaphor was too weak.
Then something stronger than holding hands…… We already hugged, so……
“I, I mean, with me—”
Damn it!
My face burned like crazy, and I nearly short-circuited.
“Well, um, yesterday the young ladies talked a little about romance. Really, just a speck.”
Did you hear that? I just said romance.
“I see.”
Adel listened attentively, wearing a polite smile.
Suddenly I felt anxious that my clumsy advances were painfully obvious. Adel already knew that I liked him.
But since when had he known?
“How did you know? That I li-like you……?”
“That you harbor feelings for me?”
You’re so perceptive—it’s impressive.
“Y-yeah! That.”
Suddenly Adel covered his mouth with his hand. I realized he was trying to hold back laughter.
Hey!
“When you try to tell me even the smallest, most trivial things—like how many birds you saw flying past the window today—and smile naturally when I smile, when you stumble and instinctively check my reaction first, and when you always take a deep breath before holding my hand—that’s how I knew. Even aside from those circumstances, Anastasia tends to wear her emotions openly on her face.”
Haha, should I just die? Why live? Wouldn’t it be far more beneficial to the world if I became Sister Lynette’s preserved specimen?
“S-sorry…… I didn’t realize it was that obvious.”
“I didn’t notice myself until it was pointed out to me.”
Aaaah! So it really was a burden! If someone you don’t see romantically keeps showing affection right beside you, it’d be incredibly uncomfortable. I’d be lucky not to get cursed at.
“I thought I could hide it, but it turns out I liked you, Anastasia, far more than I realized.”
……Huh?
I stopped mid-sob and snapped my eyes open.
“Weren’t you talking about me just now?”
“It’s the same for me. No matter how trivial the day, I want to share it with you, and if you’re happy, that alone is enough for me. I always hope you won’t notice my mistakes.”
His voice brought to mind something transparent and pure white—like it would melt softly if touched by sunlight.
A person like a white birch tree.
I blankly rubbed my cheek.
“Is this a dream? I can’t think straight because you’re returning my words in such an undeserved way…….”
But no matter how much I tried to deny reality, the sensation at my fingertips was vividly real. Which meant that Adel saying he felt about me the same way I felt about him was reality.
If I’m happy, that’s enough for him?
I’m planning to leave this world and leave you behind, and yet I can’t even properly hide my feelings and end up exposing how much I like you.
“Ah, my conscience hurts too much! My chest feels tight—I’m at my limit!”
I sprang to my feet.
“Anastasia?”
Grabbing Adel by the shoulders with grim resolve, I shouted,
“You’re way too serious! I might die at any moment—you could’ve just treated this as something to enjoy briefly! How am I supposed to die leaving you like this behind?! I can’t die! I’m going to live forever!”
At this rate, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to close my eyes even in death. Peaceful eternal rest was unimaginable.
As time passed, I liked Adel more and more, and I had no confidence in suppressing these feelings. I had always been a greedy person to begin with.
Right. The original story had already gone off the rails anyway. Adel met Olga, the female lead, earlier than planned—but he didn’t fall in love with her. Not everything had to follow the original plot.
Relying on such a threadbare possibility might only make me miserable.
Still, I wanted to resist at least once. This man made me dare to harbor such feelings.
He said he’d be on my side no matter how foolish I acted.
He promised to trust me, to change for my sake.
So now it was my turn to show sincerity in return.
“If your illness were cured, what would you like to do with me, Anastasia?”
As I bit my lip with determination, Adel asked.
Still gripping his shoulders, I hesitated, unable to find the right moment to let go.
“So many things that it’s hard to pick just one.”
“Anything is fine.”
Anything?
After a moment’s thought, I murmured timidly,
“Then… a couple’s grave……”
“Yes?”
“I want to be laid to rest together with you.”
I smiled sheepishly.
To someone like me, experiencing first love for the first time and never having had a proper relationship, that was the most romantic ending I could imagine. After all, it had the word “couple” in it.
Adel closed his mouth, then pointed out the contradiction in a light voice.
“Didn’t you say thirty seconds ago that you were going to live forever?”
I meant it as a condensed expression of wanting to date you, marry you, and in the very end even share death together. It was too blunt, wasn’t it? Can you forget it? I’m already regretting it.
I casually released Adel’s shoulders and stood up straight.
“I know, you don’t see me romantically. A couple—what am I even saying…….”
Just then, my stomach let out a loud growl.
Even though I’d lost my sense of taste, my stomach seemed to be functioning just fine.
As I frowned from the discomfort, Adel’s face filled with worry.
“Anastasia, it would be better if you finish your meal. I’ll bring you a tonic tomorrow—once you take it, you should regain some strength.”
Adel valued propriety, but there was no way he hadn’t heard my stomach making a fuss.
Hearing the concern so clearly laced into his words suddenly made me uneasy.
“Don’t tell me you mean that chunky soup? Absolutely not—”
“How about going out with me afterward?”
Was I being trained or something?
“……Where to?”
I hated myself for falling for temptation so easily. Couldn’t I at least play hard to get a little? Selling off a tongue that could savor chocolate just for a simple outing……
Wait—since I’ve lost my sense of taste right now, maybe the cost is cheap. If things are going to be like this, it might even be nice if the sensation of swallowing disappeared too.
“Sometimes it might be nice to step a little outside the capital. I know a few places with good scenery. Or would you like me to show you the Imperial Palace?”
“I’ll see the palace later.”
I crossed the Imperial Palace off the list without hesitation. Going where nobles swarmed would only bring a pile of annoyances.
“Then it’s decided. I’ll call for Ms. Ilina and ask her to prepare something easy to swallow.”
Adel rose from his seat. I thought he’d pass by me and head straight out of the bedroom—he said he was going to call Ilina.
But then he turned back to look at me. It really seemed like he was growing taller by the day.
When the original story began, Adel was 187 cm tall, so he would probably keep growing for a while.
His fine blond hair swayed before my eyes. His eyes, formed into a sweet expression, were utterly detrimental to my mental health……
“And, Anastasia.”
I liked the moment he called my name.
I wanted him to think of me as special, and I hoped to become someone worthy of that.
If parting was inevitable, I wanted to remain as a good memory. If two years from now was truly our end, then until then, I didn’t want anyone to take Adel away from me.
Aside from the memories I built with Adel, there was nothing I could take with me from this short life.
All my happy memories are filled with you.
“Yeah, Adel.”
Smiling, he said,
“Who says I don’t see you romantically?”
At that moment, every last scrap of my conscience drained away beneath my feet. Adel went to call Ilina, and only then did my face flush hot enough to explode.
I really do like you too much—but when a long time has passed, how will you think of all these feelings you poured out for me?
You know, I truly want to be a good person to you
