Chapter 49
“…Shall we walk this way?”
“…Yes.”
The two of them began to walk together—one with a dazed expression, the other concealing a heart that felt on the verge of bursting.
It was a bright spring day. A day when, besides the bodyguards quietly hiding as they hovered near the prince, there was also someone else watching the boy and the girl intently—a day where fresh, tender excitement coexisted with a chilling secret.
A day no one would ever forget.
The weekend had ended. It was Sunday night, the evening before work, yet Noxia didn’t feel particularly displeased.
To be precise, she was too absorbed in what had happened today to have the mental space to worry about going to work tomorrow.
Prince Elenen’s smile, his voice, his gaze, his gestures—everything about him dominated Noxia’s thoughts and heart.
When she had fallen against him on the deck, the unexpectedly firm body she’d felt through his clothes; the breath brushing her cheek; the eyes trembling right before her nose—all of it came back with vivid clarity.
And when she had held his hand on the boat under the pretense that the ship was swaying, when they walked together through a park filled with spring light, when she had nearly leaned in as though possessed and almost kissed him.
After that, she couldn’t even remember how they’d wandered around. The two of them had drifted through the park in a slightly dazed state, and when Elenen muttered that he still had school assignments left, Noxia quickly accepted the excuse.
Once it was decided they would head home, Elenen called over the bodyguard who had been circling nearby like a shadow.
Startled when the unfamiliar man suddenly appeared, Noxia quickly relaxed after hearing Elenen’s swift explanation.
Elenen instructed the bodyguard to bring the carriage, and soon the same carriage they had taken to the boathouse returned.
Noxia admired how everything proceeded so smoothly with just a word from the prince—and at the same time, she felt a quiet gloom settle over her.
Because when they strolled through the park together, he felt like an ordinary boy her age. Yet fundamentally, he belonged to a completely different world.
Elenen’s consistent kindness only tormented Noxia further. He insisted on taking her all the way home in the carriage, and she couldn’t bring herself to refuse.
Before returning to the palace, Elenen ultimately detoured by carriage to Noxia’s neighborhood.
They spoke awkwardly yet gently inside the carriage, and when it came to a stop, they felt both reluctance and relief at the same time.
Ever since the moment they had nearly kissed, the two of them had been acutely uncomfortable with each other—uncomfortable enough to want to flee, to want the meeting to end quickly.
Yet when the moment of parting actually arrived, Noxia hesitated, unable to turn away. Elenen felt much the same. He looked at her and smiled warmly, just a little sadly.
[Today was really fun, Noxia.]
[I had a wonderful time as well, Your Highness.]
[Go inside and get plenty of rest.]
[You should rest well too, Your Highness.]
[Let’s meet again, Noxia.]
Next time. The idea that there would be a next time made her heart flutter and fill with fear all at once. Swallowing the heart that felt like it might leap out of her chest, Noxia nodded slowly.
[Yes, Your Highness. I look forward to seeing you again.]
Then the carriage door opened, and Noxia stepped down alone. This time, Elenen did not take her hand like a gentleman escorting a lady. He simply remained seated inside, watching her in silence.
The door closed. The carriage moved away. Noxia returned home in a daze, washed, and lay down. After forcing herself to eat a simple dinner, she lay down again, and before she knew it, it was time to sleep.
Her heart was in turmoil. Anxiety and excitement, anticipation and fear, certainty and confusion—bubbly joy like foam and heavy sadness like stone all mixed together, coexisting chaotically.
‘The prince… with me…’
There was no point in pretending otherwise anymore. It was good to be cautious and not mistake kindness for affection—but to continue stubbornly denying it now would no longer be caution. It would be foolishness.
‘And I… the prince…’
She had to acknowledge what needed acknowledging. Only by honestly admitting there was a problem could she begin to search for a solution.
‘Ah…’
But tragically, the problem Noxia faced was not something that could be solved by proposing a simple, rational solution.
What kind of solution could there be for first love? How could one possibly put an end to an uncontrollable attraction toward someone?
Should she patiently wait for these feelings to burn themselves out until only ashes remained? Or should she try to douse them with cold water from the very beginning?
But what if the more water she poured on the fire, the more fiercely it burned? What if the foolish contrarian instinct of the human heart only grew stronger, using resistance itself as fuel?
‘I’m going crazy.’
If it had been one-sided love, she might have tried somehow to swallow it down and cut it off.
But after seeing the same flame in Elenen’s clear blue eyes, Noxia was no better than someone trapped in a swamp, unable to move forward or back.
She tossed and turned for a long time. Only after much more time than usual did she finally fall asleep, suffering. And into the place where she slept, as if waiting for the moment, a foreign shadow crept in.
The being known as Jade Lanon gazed quietly at the sleeping girl with eyes as black and hollow as an abyss.
‘This is a bit dangerous.’
Jade thought calmly. His hand began to tremble slightly. He clenched and unclenched his fist, trying to suppress the shiver running through him.
‘The more I think about it… the more…’
Don’t you want to kill him? Don’t you desperately want to kill him?
The murderous intent burning like flame beneath a calm surface was, of course, not directed at the girl before him. Jade—this being called Jade—could never harbor such intent toward Noxia Dekan. Never.
He was thinking of someone else. Golden hair. Pale blue eyes. The brilliant blond reminded him of sunlight, and the blue irises of a sky holding that light.
Jade slowly closed his eyes. He imagined going to the royal palace this very moment and killing Elenen Hermeon.
With a mere twitch of a finger, the prince would die. Not only the prince, but everyone connected to him, everyone in the country who might take issue with the death of royalty—he could erase them all.
In truth, he wouldn’t even need to move a finger. Just one blink would suffice. If he truly wished it, there were plenty of ways. If he genuinely wanted to remove that impudent brat, that barely grown child.
Originally, Jade’s feelings toward the prince had been closer to goodwill. He had long been interested in the royal family that ruled this country, and had watched the line closely ever since the moment the distant ancestor of the current king was born.
Elenen Hermeon was no exception. From the instant he was born as a tiny bundle of flesh, Jade had hovered around him—sometimes from afar, sometimes close by—like someone tending a plant in a pot.
That such a cherished prince now made him want to kill simply because he had looked at Noxia Dekan that way and nearly kissed her was not, to Jade Lanon, particularly strange.
How dearly he had cared for the Hermeon royal family until now was irrelevant. What mattered most to him was Noxia Dekan—the essence hidden beneath the girl’s shell.
Her existence was far greater to him than he had ever anticipated, even more than he had long prepared himself for.
‘The prince’s gaze is too pure, which makes it all the more irritating. It would have been easier if his heart were filthy, like those other bugs that burned away.’
Jade felt genuine regret. If Elenen Hermeon’s gaze toward Noxia Dekan had been tainted with lewd criminal intent, there would have been no need for such anguish. He would have gladly burned the prince away.
But as someone who even extended courtesy to mere insects, he could not bring himself to harm a completely innocent boy. The human who was like a newborn infant was blameless, and Jade found himself bound by his own nature.
He opened his eyes. The gaze he turned toward Noxia was softer than before. The girl slept soundly, breathing softly, utterly unaware that something so eerie was lurking in her room.
Jade looked at her with silent, aching eyes, then gently gathered a lock of her brown hair in his fingers and pressed a kiss to its tip.
It was a secret of the cold dawn.
That night, she had a dream. Someone was holding her tightly and crying in sorrow. That person, even while wailing as though their whole body had been torn apart, was as beautiful as the most precious jewel in the world.
She raised a trembling hand and stroked his cheek. With blood-stained lips, he tried to say something. Don’t cry, please don’t cry…
After that, there was only darkness.
Monday morning arrived. Noxia woke feeling unusually tired. She had tossed and turned for a long time thinking about Elenen, and once she finally fell asleep, she’d had a strange dream.
Yawning widely, she tried to recall what she had dreamed about the night before. But no matter how hard she tried, only vague afterimages surfaced.
‘Ah, whatever.’
A dream was just a dream. She quickly shook off the uneasy feeling.
She got out of bed, folded her blanket, ate a simple breakfast while blinking sleepily, washed her face and hair as usual, got dressed, and headed out for work.
On her way out of the building, she habitually checked the mailbox. There was a letter addressed to her; when she checked the envelope, she saw Karnen’s name as the sender.
‘I’ll read it later.’
Brightening, Noxia slipped the letter into her bag and continued on with light steps.
Even though she had lost sleep over her budding feelings for the prince the night before, she was naturally resilient and realistic. With a cheerful heart, she welcomed the start of the week.
‘I can’t let myself ruin the whole day thinking about him. Once I get to work, I need to focus.’
And maybe—just maybe—Prince Elenen might come by today. A student visiting the library was perfectly natural, after all. He had plenty of excuses.
As long as Noxia continued working as a librarian and Elenen remained a student, the two of them, belonging to the same institution, could always meet naturally.
That thought frightened her—and yet she welcomed it. Part of her thought it would be safer if there were no point of contact between them and they naturally drifted apart. But the idea that she could still meet him, even in that way, made her heart race.
