Chapter 5. Leave Me Alone! But No One Listened (5)
Will he grow up to have such a cold face?
I tried to recall his face from memory, then shook my head.
“So, did you come all the way here just to ask that?”
“…I also have something to say.”
“Go ahead.”
As I stared blankly at him, he slowly opened his mouth.
“About yesterday… sorry for suddenly butting in.”
“…Huh?”
“I was afraid you wouldn’t participate in the subjugation training because you were insulted. I panicked. I was rude.”
“…No, not really….”
Ethan Behemoth is apologizing?
It wasn’t even like we had started a relationship, and this was the longest conversation we’d ever had.
‘Does he want something from me?’
I couldn’t hide the reluctant look in my eyes, but responded calmly.
“Did you really think I’d sulk like a child and skip the subjugation training just because of that petty insult?”
“It’s not childish. Anyone would be upset if they were insulted.”
“Is that so.”
“…….”
Ethan stood silently, fiddling with the hilt of his sword.
Long lashes cast shadows beneath his lowered lids, as if deep in thought.
I too became lost in thought.
‘Why is Ethan Behemoth acting like this?’
Don’t tell me he…
‘Likes me… or something?’
As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I shook my head.
‘No way.’
That was going too far. Even in my previous life, I was the one who ended things unilaterally. It felt wrong, even as a joke, to suggest he liked me now.
‘Even if he doesn’t know about that past…’
I narrowed my eyes and looked at him.
Right. He had come here with a sincere heart to apologize—better not to humiliate him. Let’s change the subject.
Ah, and speaking of his face, someone else came to mind.
“Hmm. I borrowed Sir Jan’s sword yesterday—it helped a lot. Could you return it to him for me?”
“Sure.”
‘Perfect, I can hand over the sword and send him on his way.’
As he reached to unfasten Jan’s sword from his belt—
Plop.
He dropped some ointment and bandages.
“Ah.”
But Ethan moved faster than I did, bending down to pick them up.
Was he… handing them back to me?
“Thank you.”
I quickly handed over Jan’s sword and bowed slightly toward him.
“……?”
But after taking the sword from my hand, Ethan didn’t return the ointment or bandages.
…Then why pick them up?
“Aren’t you giving them back?”
I held out both hands and looked puzzled. Our eyes met. He broke the silence.
“…Your cheek. You probably can’t see it well—may I help treat it?”
“…Sorry?”
“I asked if I could help treat your wound.”
…He wants to treat it himself?
“I’m fi—”
That’s way too much.
I was about to refuse outright, but then I hesitated.
…Oh right, my room mirror is broken.
Rather than treating the wound using the bathroom mirror, maybe I should just let Ethan do it.
I looked around. There was an empty bench near the fountain. I had no choice.
Reluctantly, I pointed to it.
“Um, sure. Over there, then.”
Normally, the benches would be filled with students chatting, but it was quiet, probably because it was the day before the subjugation training.
Everyone must be busy with last-minute preparations.
Knowing the future made it feel strange.
They’re all going to die anyway. And yet, they’re living so earnestly.
I sat on the bench with Ethan and handed him the magic ointment and bandages I got from the headmaster.
He took the ointment, scooped some out expertly, and began dabbing it on my cheek. I closed my eyes.
“…….”
“…….”
Silence followed. There was nothing in particular to say.
I wasn’t good with words to begin with, and this moment in time—this specific point—felt unfamiliar after so long.
No matter what I said, I felt like I’d pick the wrong topic.
‘…But how many times is he going to apply that ointment?’
Because of the silence, his dabbing felt excessive, and eventually, I opened my mouth first.
“…My room mirror’s broken. Thank you.”
“Sorry.”
“Why are you suddenly apologizing?”
You didn’t break it, so why say sorry?
“If it’s the mirror in your room, I’m the one who broke it.”
“…….”
…You broke it?
“That time, you got angry and told me not to come in without permission…”
“…….”
I did?
‘Why were you in my room in the first place?’
We weren’t dating. We weren’t even close.
I wanted to interrogate the Behemoth heir, but since it seemed like something that had happened not long ago, I just nodded along.
If I acted like I didn’t remember anything, it would seem suspicious.
“R-right, I did.”
“Talking about the mirror reminded me. I feel like all I ever do is make you angry. I’m sorry for that too.”
…It’s not entirely true.
I faintly remembered a version of him from a different timeline, but the mood wasn’t right to argue about it.
So I gave an empty nod.
“Yes, apology accepted.”
“Then could you ease up your expression a bit?”
…My expression?
Was I frowning without realizing?
He stopped applying the ointment and poked my forehead with the same fingers that had the ointment on them. Now even my forehead was sticky.
“Ugh. What are you doing?”
“I apologized, but I still think trying to die in front of someone else is wrong.”
“…Ugh. Seriously…”
I had nothing to say. I sighed.
When I narrowed my eyes, Ethan’s face had somehow moved closer than before.
No, he really had leaned in.
A not-unpleasant scent brushed past my nose. His sharp, clean features blinked once. His white skin and soft black hair framed a face like a sculpture.
The only problem was—he was too close.
I could see my reflection in his deep navy eyes.
I didn’t even realize I had opened my eyes wide.
Ethan spoke softly.
“Then… was trying to die in front of me the right thing to do?”
“…….”
The low voice tickled my ears, and my shoulders flinched.
What’s with him all of a sudden?
“…Okay. Fine. Let’s say I was in the wrong too.”
My tone sounded like I was letting him win, and the Behemoth heir raised one eyebrow. Thankfully, he didn’t push further and pulled his head back.
Once he moved away, I quietly stared at his face a few hand spans above mine. He didn’t avert his gaze either, so our eyes stayed locked for a while.
‘He really is good-looking.’
Hard to believe he’d later be called a warmonger. That face was almost too perfect.
In fact, in a past life, I’d impulsively accepted his confession just because of that face.
His chiseled jawline, straight nose, and broad shoulders compared to other knights his age were all impressive.
Even his hands—veins clearly traced across them—passed in front of my eyes like something from a painting.
Sitting face-to-face with someone this handsome, being treated for a wound… anyone would expect a fluttery atmosphere.
‘With this kid? Please.’
Ethan Behemoth was still just a bright-eyed rookie.
I simply closed my eyes again.
If I felt a little lighter right now, it was only because I had finally broken away from the dull, repetitive cycle of familiar events, people, and places—and was experiencing something new.
‘If I didn’t distract myself, I wouldn’t be able to bear it.’
My heart was already too dulled to wish for things like sweet or light feelings.
It only reminded me of its existence during moments of surprise, when it pounded violently. That’s how faint my desire to live had become.
And that’s why having a conscious goal is vital to me.
In a life where I couldn’t die—where dying only meant returning to the past—it felt meaningless.
Protecting the family I love from the disasters of this world had long been the support that held my life together.
And now, that role had been replaced by one thing: completely ending the damn curse that lurked in the subjugation zone.
‘Can I do it?’
No—that’s not the question.
‘I have to.’
It wouldn’t be right to end myself before the training began.
I squinted at the culprit—Ethan Behemoth.
Our eyes met. His gaze was deep and earnest.
He cupped my cheek, blew softly on the wound, then whispered:
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
