CHAPTER 29………………………………………….
The Pope’s funeral had come to an end.
The tide of mourning had not yet receded. Inside the temple, people had begun to cautiously speak about the vacancy left by the Pope, but since it was still the mourning period, no one dared raise their voice.
The Temple of Melissa was still crowded with visitors who had come to pay their respects.
“Saintess. Did I mention before that there hasn’t been a war between the Kingdom of Nicholas and the Kingdom of Helen for a long time?”
Philip spoke as we walked toward the conference hall.
“Yes. You did.”
“Were you curious about the current relationship between the two kingdoms?”
“Yes. They’re both adjacent to the Holy Domain.”
Philip explained that the only time the two kingdoms had fought was early on, when they were trying to claim territory.
Outwardly, they didn’t appear close, so most people believed the two nations were still wary of one another.
I thought so too.
“…However, contrary to the rumors, what I found was that their relationship seems quite close.”
Had he seen Cardin and Raymond a few days ago as well?
When I looked up at him without answering, Philip glanced around before continuing.
He shared the information he had confirmed.
If the Holy Domain formed a circle with Melissa at its center, then the lands of the two kingdoms wrapped around it on either side.
Because of that, anyone visiting Melissa from another country had to pass through one of those two kingdoms.
They would use teleportation to arrive in either kingdom and then come here.
The two kingdoms served as gateways to Melissa, and since teleportation circles were open, it didn’t take long to reach the temple.
This much I already knew.
Even we had passed through those two countries whenever we traveled the Saintess’s pilgrimage route.
But that wasn’t the only reason the two kingdoms were closely connected.
At the border where the two nations met, monsters appeared. There were no monsters inside the Holy Domain, so I had never seen them myself, but the two kingdoms had long dealt with them together along that boundary.
The ones guarding that area were said to be Grand Duke Ferdian of the Kingdom of Helen and the third prince of the Kingdom of Nicholas.
Philip stroked his chin and spoke again.
“I heard the two of them graduated from the same academy. That’s probably why they looked so close during the funeral.”
So that was why.
There was so much about his life that I didn’t know—everything that didn’t include me.
Perhaps there was more I didn’t know about him than what I did know.
That was only natural, considering we hadn’t spent that much time together.
“Thank you for looking into it.”
“It was nothing. Come to think of it, it must have started by now.”
“Started? What has?”
“The monster subjugation expedition. It probably began right after the funeral ended.”
In the past, whenever winter reached its coldest point, he would go on an expedition.
Suddenly, a remark once made by the butler of the grand ducal household came to mind.
‘He used to leave once the snowfall calmed down. But recently, the monsters have been appearing much earlier, so he’s been departing around this month.’
It had sounded almost like an excuse for him leaving so soon after our marriage.
Even in the north, it was a winter that could almost be called spring.
“I see.”
As we neared the conference hall, Philip gave me a brief bow and left for Fabivan.
I tilted my head back and gazed at the clear sky, as though it had never rained.
Now that I knew these things, what emotion was I supposed to show?
Cardin and Raymond.
They had been close friends, but because of me—because of Melissa—death had wedged itself between them.
Instead of hating him, I should have hated myself more.
I could vividly picture Raymond speaking to Cardin with a playful smile.
And Cardin responding, acting as though it was familiar.
I let out a short sigh.
Looking back now, every time Cardin’s body returned intact to the grand ducal household, all I ever did was grieve and cry.
Even after seeing Cardin return again and again as a cold corpse, I never once felt anything strange.
The fact that he could return to my side—to the grand ducal household—after dying in the middle of enemy territory was likely due to the consideration of a close friend.
There was so much I had newly learned, and so much I was only learning now.
I had learned it all far too late—I didn’t even know what I was supposed to feel anymore.
I felt broken.
I was still lost.
“…Saintess? Saintess.”
At the sound of someone calling me, I turned to see Harold entering my previously empty field of vision.
“Why are you standing here instead of going inside?”
“Ah. I was just thinking.”
“You do know today is the pilgrimage route meeting, right?”
“Yes.”
It was the meeting we hadn’t been able to finish before—little more than a formality, really.
Fabivan had already decided where to send me.
“It was a banquet, wasn’t it?”
“Yes.”
Harold frowned slightly, as if recalling the records he had seen.
“How about visiting somewhere other than what’s written in those records this time?”
I tilted my head slightly, and Harold continued.
“As you’ve probably noticed yourself, Saintess, there are places that Melissa turns away from. The nobles and those within the Holy Domain are in positions where they can receive blessings, but there are areas that cannot.”
In truth, I hadn’t noticed.
Places turned away from. People turned away from.
I hadn’t thought about them.
I had only said that I didn’t want my holy power to be used as if it belonged to others, and that I wouldn’t recklessly invoke the word ‘mercy.’
I hadn’t thought of those who truly needed it. No—I hadn’t tried to.
“How about going to the border this time?”
“The border…?”
“Yes. The border between the Kingdom of Nicholas and the Kingdom of Helen.”
“That’s where monsters appear—do people live there?”
“I’ve heard there are small villages gathered there as well.”
It felt like I’d been struck on the head.
People existed everywhere. Even if there were no villages, there were still those who stood guard there.
My question felt unbearably shameful.
“Of course, since monsters appear there, it could be dangerous.”
I wanted to avoid the place where those two were together. But now wasn’t the time to think about my personal feelings.
“I’ll go.”
“Understood. Then I’ll try to push it forward in today’s meeting.”
“Thank you. Would you like to go in first?”
When he looked down at me without answering, I gave a faint smile.
“I’ll be right in.”
As time passed, my inadequacies became clearer and clearer. Every time, I relied only on the help of those who stood on my side.
Saying that I wouldn’t stop Fabivan from becoming Pope had merely been an excuse—a second-best option born from the fact that I still had no real solution.
What was I even doing right now? Was I truly moving in the right direction? Was I a vessel capable of protecting them?
If I had returned already knowing everything and able to do everything right, would something have changed?
Could I have lived up to people’s expectations?
As the weakness I had buried began to creep up, I shook my head hard and pressed my palm, marked with a crescent moon, tightly.
“It’s okay. It’s okay.”
Don’t cry right now.
Don’t show your weakness.
Don’t let anyone notice.
There are people who believe in me alone.
Don’t be defeated by such weak thoughts right now.
After calming my emotions, I opened the door to the conference hall.
Thankfully, it seemed the meeting hadn’t started yet—there were empty seats scattered around.
I sat in the seat of honor prepared for me.
I glanced to either side. Harold sat to my right, while the seat to my left was still empty.
I could tell at a glance that it was Fabivan’s seat.
When my eyes met Harold’s, I slowly closed them and opened them again.
Before long, the doors of the conference hall opened once more. Fabivan entered, along with those who had once gifted me nightmares.
At the very back, I saw a familiar face.
It was Philip—the same man I had seen just earlier.
Philip took a seat in the far corner.
“You’ve arrived, Temple Head.”
I glanced sideways at Philip, then shifted my gaze to Fabivan.
With a faint smile, he returned my greeting warmly.
“I’m quite late, aren’t I? My apologies.”
“Not at all. We still have time.”
Fabivan nodded slowly, then looked toward Philip as he spoke.
“Starting today, the priest will be assisting with organizing the meeting records.”
“I see.”
It hadn’t been Philip’s seat before, but now it was.
Either way, it worked out well for me.
I smiled as I looked over the cardinals.
“Then, since it seems everyone is here, shall we begin the meeting?”
