BTCATL 04

BTCATL

Chapter 4

“Waaahhhh!”

A baby’s cry filled the entire mansion, and in an instant, the Grand Duke’s residence became festive.

Everyone praised the newly born child and expressed their gratitude to the Grand Duke’s lover, who had suddenly entered and taken her place.

No one questioned the fact that the child was born out of wedlock.

On the contrary, everyone acted as if Lady Sarsha had always been close with the Grand Duke and affectionately called her “milady” as they cared for her.

The newborn child was, regardless of my will, registered as the son of the Grand Duke and Duchess—the Grand Duke’s heir.

And just like that, Sarsha came to live in the mansion.

She took the room right next to the bedroom I shared with the Grand Duke, and I became no more than an outsider.

I sat curled up on the bed, staring blankly out the window.

The Grand Duke now treated me with nothing but cold indifference.

The servants I had once thought warm and open-hearted changed overnight, their expressions becoming hard and cold, as if they’d never cared for me at all.

I felt like I was living alone in a strange, alien world.

After Sarsha moved in, it became painfully clear to me—every act of kindness, every ounce of affection, all the warmth I had felt… it had all been manufactured. Everything had been part of the Grand Duke’s meticulous plan.

I gasped for air, as if my chest were being crushed.

At first, I couldn’t believe it.

—“…Sasha, why did you tell him…”

Even after indirectly hearing confirmation from his own mouth, I couldn’t believe it. No—I didn’t want to believe it.

—“Asila, are you all right?”

—“If there’s anything I can do for you, let me know. We’re married, after all.”

Those sweet words, each one of them had been salvation to me—and now, I was told they were all lies.

All of it had been part of his revenge, born out of his hatred for the imperial family.

The calloused hand that once caressed my cheek… the lips that kissed my forehead and left soft butterfly kisses on my body… it had all been a lie.

My hands trembled.

Tears began to fall, one by one.

The bedsheets slowly became damp.

They said the Emperor had disguised the murder of the previous Grand Duke and Duchess as an accident.

Yes, of course he’d hate the Emperor for that.

But then, why take revenge on me? Just because I was the Emperor’s daughter? Just because I, a member of the imperial bloodline, had fallen into his hands?

As a child, I had borne the guilt of my mother’s sins.

She was the woman who had dared to drug the Emperor and steal a night with him. And I was the child born from that.

Though I was recognized as a princess, I was also the daughter of a criminal. From birth, I had been practically imprisoned in the palace, abandoned and raised in contempt by everyone.

And now, was I supposed to bear the guilt of the Emperor—the very man who abandoned me?

I didn’t ask to be born. I didn’t ask for those two to be my parents. Nothing about my existence was ever my choice.

I had never even been loved by either of them. I didn’t grow up surrounded by happiness.

The Emperor discarded me from the start, and my mother vented her anger on me every day until, in the end, she took her own life before my eyes.

So why was I the one bearing the burden of their sins?

What exactly did I do wrong?

I thought I had come to terms with my mother’s sins being placed on me.

I thought I had accepted it. That it was simply inevitable.

But… to learn that the warmth and stability created by the one man I had come to love were all lies… That the hands I thought had saved me had actually pulled me into a deeper hell…

It drove me to madness.

Two months, three months passed. As time went on, I became acutely aware that I had no place in the Grand Duke’s mansion.

Like a machine that handled the duties of the lady of the house, I processed documents during the day, then wandered into the gardens to sit among the grass until sunset.

Sarsha von Barte, the lovely lady with fluttering pink curls and fresh green eyes. The Grand Duke’s openly acknowledged lover.

The Grand Duke no longer tried to keep me from going outside. No—he didn’t care what I did at all.

As a noblewoman, I couldn’t completely sever ties with society, so he would sometimes take me to official northern banquets.

Of course, Sarsha always came with us.

I was the official partner. But I was always left alone at the back of the ballroom.

He danced with Sarsha. He walked around with Sarsha.

Though I was the wife, Sarsha was the precious daughter of a powerful northern count. No one questioned it. Instead, I was the one who was ridiculed.

“I thought Lady Sarsha would become the Grand Duchess!”

“Who knew a princess we didn’t even know existed would suddenly appear?”

“Shhh, still, it was the Emperor’s command. Poor Lady Barte…”

“What fault is it of the Grand Duke? It was His Majesty the Emperor who killed the former Grand Duke and Duchess…”

I was free, but ironically, it felt like I couldn’t breathe.

The more I ventured out, the more I realized why the Grand Duke had kept me locked inside.

The North was less influenced by the imperial family compared to other regions.

The northerners followed the Grand Duke, who protected them, more than they did the Emperor. Among them, the imperial family was considered the enemy of the Grand Duke’s household.

So, everyone who came to the mansion, every servant, they all knew—there was no way the Grand Duke truly loved me.

And they all knew Sarsha was his lover. Rumors even spread that it was odd she hadn’t yet taken the Duchess’s position.

That the mistress showed such restraint toward the wife became an act of mercy, making her appear virtuous.

It was absurd.

Even people said that the Grand Duchess’s title had always rightfully belonged to Sarsha.

It was humiliating to endure such insults simply because I was powerless and couldn’t do anything on my own.

The peaceful world I thought I lived in was actually a deeper pit of hell.

The weight I had slowly regained over the last three years quickly fell off again. Because of the constant voices in my head, I could barely sleep a few hours each night.

I used to think the imperial palace was hell. But I was wrong. At least there, I only had to endure my mother’s abuse. Here, I had to withstand the open hostility of everyone.

This place was worse.

At times, I heard phantom whispers behind my back. I felt nauseated, like I might throw up.

I didn’t want to do anything anymore. I wanted to stay in my room and give up. But I couldn’t.

Even in this state, I kept imagining Sarsha, smiling sweetly at the Grand Duke as he returned her warmth.

I don’t know about his revenge on the imperial family, but he had certainly succeeded in dragging me down completely.

To realize there was a deeper abyss than even the palace… it was crushing.

To see the man I loved—regardless of his true intentions—holding another woman and whispering sweet nothings to her, made my heart feel like it was being torn apart every moment.

* * * *

After finishing today’s work, I wandered aimlessly and ended up sitting on a bench in the garden.

Looking toward the mansion, I saw Sarsha laughing brightly, her arms linked with the Grand Duke’s through the window.

His blue eyes curved warmly toward her.

I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. Even though that smile wasn’t meant for me, even though he was the one I should resent the most—my heart kept beating wildly, and I hated it.

Even now, if he told me this was all just a bad joke, I felt like I could forgive him—and that only made me feel more pathetic.

The feeling of love I had awakened to for the first time wasn’t something I could cut off easily.

Even if the whole world despised me, if only he gave me affection, I felt like I could endure it all.

Despite everything, I thought I might forgive him with just a single “I love you.” If he told me his affair with Sarsha was a lie, I would close my eyes and believe him.

I wanted to resent him, but I couldn’t. I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t. I wanted to give up, but I couldn’t.

Even though I knew it had all been fake, I missed his kindness. The tenderness he once showed me.

—“I… I love him! I love him, damn it! So why won’t he look at me?! It’s all your fault!!! If only you hadn’t been born!!”

Suddenly, I remembered my mother screaming at me when I was little, declaring her love for the Emperor.

Back then, I thought love was foolish. My mother’s relationship with the Emperor had been doomed from the start.

She went mad screaming about love. In the end, she died without ever receiving a glance from him.

But now… I felt like I could understand her, just a little.

Though our situations were entirely different, the torment of unrequited love was the same.

Truly, if I let go of my sanity even for a moment, I thought I might lose my mind.

Staring blankly at the gently swaying flowers in the breeze, I was overwhelmed with irritation at how warm and peaceful the sunlight was—despite the pain tearing through my chest.

[No, over there, that way!]

[I can feel something!]

[Why are you so slow?! Hurry up!]

I suddenly heard what sounded like children chattering near my ears.

At the same time, I felt a tickling sensation on my nose and looked up—then froze.

A tiny, translucent green girl no bigger than my finger was clinging to the tip of my nose.

[So, so comfortable!]

[You guys, come quick! It’s so nice here!]

[I’ve never felt this from a human before!]

Two or three more identical girls appeared out of nowhere and surrounded my face.

Even as they rubbed their cheeks on me and made a fuss, for some reason I felt refreshed. I just let the fairies do as they pleased.

Was this some kind of magic? What was this? I had never seen a mage in the Grand Duke’s estate before.