Chapter 57
I knew it couldn’t be, but I was so startled in that瞬間 that I whipped my body toward the window.
W-what…?
I told myself it wasn’t possible, but my heart still thumped nervously.
There was no way he could stare straight at the exact window of the exact room I was in from that distance and make eye contact with me.
There was no reason for Rixion Luhanes to even know where my room was to begin with.
And yet, for that fleeting moment, it really had felt like our eyes met.
Like he’d caught me avoiding him—lying just to avoid him—and I was so shocked I froze.
Leaning my back and head against the wall, I let out a short sigh. Then I slowly raised both hands to cover my face.
Right now, I was technically in a contract with Rixion Luhanes.
Even if I wasn’t entirely sure how far “getting along well” was supposed to go, at the very least, slamming the door in the face of someone who’d come to see me on purpose definitely wasn’t part of the deal.
I might not have any actual restrictions placed on me, but I still understood there was a moral obligation to keep the promise.
But still…
I had no idea why he suddenly came to see me after lying low for a while ever since that day.
Right now I absolutely cannot face him!
I needed time.
Time for the black mark in my personal history—born at this age, no less—to fade even a tiny bit.
Just enough time so I wouldn’t have to look at him while wanting to curl up and die.
Michael was family, so at least the humiliation was survivable.
But Rixion Luhanes, a complete stranger?
Facing him was so mortifying I could die—several times.
I’d been consciously trying not to recall that day.
Whenever it came to mind by accident, I really felt like dying—just like right now.
I threw myself onto the bed and buried my face.
“Aaaahhh!”
I screamed and kicked and flailed, beating the poor innocent bed with my hands and feet as if that could chase away the agony.
It took a while before I finally calmed down.
Only then did I roll onto my side and look toward the window.
Ji Eun-ha… why hasn’t she appeared?
It was the question that had been drifting through my head for the past three days, no matter how idly I spent my time.
Why hadn’t Ji Eun-ha descended into this world?
What had gone wrong?
Was she really not going to appear?
Then what about me?
What was I supposed to do now?
The most important protagonist in the original story wasn’t appearing. Of course my mental state crumbled.
If the heroine didn’t appear, the entire original plot was on the verge of total collapse.
And in a situation like this, how could I be sure any future path to return to my original world would ever open?
The certainty I’d clung to evaporated, replaced by a constant flood of anxiety and fear that seemed to gnaw at me from the inside.
Was I going to be stuck in this world forever?
If so, I would never see the people I loved ever again.
Without even being able to say goodbye.
Tears threatened again, so I pressed my face into the sheets. And I wished—desperately.
I wished Rixion Luhanes would understand how I felt and forget I existed for a while.
With time… someday… I would be fine.
I didn’t know when that “someday” would be, but at the very least I wanted him to leave me alone.
If possible, forget about me completely.
It was already the fifth visit since the first day.
And it was the fifth time he was turned away at the entrance, not even allowed to step into the Christener Marquisate.
Rixion looked at the Christener butler, who was once again politely informing him that he would not be able to meet Elizabeth Christener today.
Even as Rixion’s gaze grew colder day by day, the butler remained composed, unshaken.
Not bad, Rixion thought. Even well-trained knights often unconsciously shrank under his eyes.
But that assessment only applied to the butler as a servant of a noble house.
It did not mean he approved of the message the man brought on his lady’s behalf.
“My lady’s condition is not well, so it will be difficult for her to meet Your Grace. My apologies.”
He’d repeated the exact same words since the first day without a hint of embarrassment.
That, too, was a kind of talent.
Just as Elizabeth had coveted the Christener chef, Rixion held a similarly high opinion of the Christener butler.
“Then I’ll come again next time.”
As always, Rixion gave the habitual answer he used every day.
And “next time” meant tomorrow.
Smiling faintly, he turned—deliberately slowly—and walked toward the carriage he had arrived in.
He had no idea why Elizabeth suddenly started avoiding him.
Up until their last meal together, he had thought the atmosphere had been quite decent.
Perhaps he had misjudged something.
Standing beside the carriage, he looked back at the mansion.
He lifted his gaze toward the place where he could sense Elizabeth’s presence.
On the first day, he was sure their eyes had met for a brief instant.
But now she was hiding completely; he couldn’t even catch the slightest glimpse of her.
Rixion’s blue eyes chilled as he looked up at the Christener mansion.
They had made a contract.
For him, it was a contract, and for Elizabeth, a promise.
And though Elizabeth had no inherent constraints, she wasn’t the type to break a promise unilaterally.
So he believed she had a reason for avoiding him—her own circumstances.
There was even a chance she truly wasn’t feeling well.
But when it happened twice, then three times, then four, then five times… his thoughts grew darker.
At this point, it was almost impossible to see it as anything other than intentional avoidance.
His mood sank lower and lower.
He could feel, faintly, that nasty temper his sister Serena, the Empress, always worried about… slowly rising.
A whisper crept into his mind—
To push past the servants blocking him and go inside,
To grab Elizabeth even if she tried to avoid him,
To pull her into his arms and not let her go.
Rixion closed his eyes slowly, then opened them again.
Maybe his sister’s worries weren’t exaggerated after all.
As a child, he’d had to receive counseling every few days.
It had been tedious and annoying then, but now… he wondered if it had been necessary.
Even if she hates it—even if she refuses—I want to keep her next to me by force.
Once that thought surfaced, he wanted to turn around immediately and pound on the Christener gate again.
Frowning, he turned sharply and practically fled into his family’s carriage.
After shutting the door firmly and sitting down, his pounding heart finally began to settle.
“Please… please don’t let me see that again. Please.”
The meaning behind all the accusations his mother had screamed at him while pointing at him as a child was the same:
A monster who isn’t normal.
As the fear and dread he felt toward that woman faded over the years, something inside him had cracked—broken beyond repair.
He still didn’t know exactly what it was.
“I’m scared of you, young master.”
The crying voice of the child who’d been held in his armless father’s embrace—
“I worry about you, Rixion.”
His sister’s guilt-filled gaze—
All of it resurfaced abruptly, swirling through his mind.
I hate you.
And the final memory that rose to the surface was Elizabeth Christener staring straight at him with clear eyes.
Gold eyes filled with contempt and fear freezing him in place.
Never appear in front of me again.
Just the imagined words were enough to choke him, to tighten around his throat.
Rixion exhaled sharply, only then realizing he’d stopped breathing.
Gasping, he lowered his gaze.
He reached up to brush away his fallen hair, but his hand was trembling.
He stared at his shaking hand as if it belonged to someone else.
…Ha.
Dropping his hand helplessly, Rixion let out a hollow laugh.
Leaning back in the seat, he tilted his head and raised a hand to completely cover his face.
