Chapter 40
When Russell told me that he had driven my sister out, the feelings that washed over me were too tangled to put into words.
‘Well… it’s not like my sister was a good person.’
Considering all the years she ignored me and the resentment that piled up, maybe I should have been grateful to Russell. But still, I didn’t want to end things with her through someone else’s hands.
‘Unlike the ducal house, the North is filled with people who treat me kindly.’
That was something I had never experienced—neither in my previous life nor this one. I always believed I was someone who had to hide in the shadows. Yet the North, even if only with a scarecrow role, pulled me onto the stage.
‘That’s why I wanted to settle things with my sister myself.’
Russell had already given me enough courage simply by staying by my side. The fact that someone like me—who always ran away—decided to face things myself was still astonishing.
Russell had no right to cross that boundary. He needed to respect my choices.
So when I heard my sister had been kicked out, the emotion that filled up the most was anger—anger that he ignored my will. For a moment he overlapped with the people of the gutter, the ones in the ducal house who always dismissed me.
I’d avoided thinking about it, but I now understood why my sister had always been so harsh toward me.
‘It was my bloodline she feared.’
Claiming everything of mine as hers, trying to crush me completely—she must have done all of that just to win Father’s approval. Because she wasn’t born of the legal wife.
Everything she did to me… I now know it all came from inferiority and anxiety.
So there was never going to be a future where we became loving sisters. But it was something I needed to end myself.
Which meant I had to know.
What kind of person Russell Glacies really was.
‘I’m nervous.’
I pretended to be calm, but my heart was pounding. Every time I tried to learn something about him, Russell always dodged my questions and blocked me.
But things had worsened to the point where he couldn’t avoid it anymore. If he kept running away, our relationship would inevitably shatter.
I wanted to know.
What kind of person Russell Glacies really was.
The heart of the man who invited my sister only to betray her, who avenged me in my place, and who acted for the sake of my ability.
With sweaty hands, I gripped my stick tightly. I must have let my nervousness show, because Russell let out a small laugh.
There was a tinge of self-mockery in that laugh. With a heavy sigh, he parted his lips.
“…I lost the people I loved a long time ago.”
It surprised me—but I composed myself, pretending it didn’t.
‘So Russell once had people who taught him love.’
He too once had someone he loved.
There had been someone capable of melting the heart of the lion who carried the northern winds.
With a voice steeped in grief, Russell quietly recounted his past.
“At that time, I was young. I wanted to become an adult as fast as possible, so that I could protect the people who were precious to me… But when I saw they had died because I couldn’t protect them, I hated my own helplessness.”
“Lord Russell…”
“I thought that because I was weak, I couldn’t protect them. So I resolved that no matter what, I would grow stronger. That was the beginning.”
Judging by his words, it seemed he discovered his talent for magic much later.
‘But this feeling…’
It wasn’t just mourning for the dead.
Something hotter, more desperate, more threatening.
It was revenge.
“Once I realized I had power, the first thing I did was revenge. I crushed every single person who hurt me—so they would never be able to do it again.”
I stepped back, startled. From the emotion carried in his voice, I could tell that Russell’s desire for vengeance hadn’t faded in the slightest.
His soul was still trapped in that childhood moment—when he lost the people he loved because he had no strength.
“Later, I learned that the blood flowing in my veins was imperial blood. When I came to my senses… I was already at the imperial palace.”
His fist tightened with an audible sound. The sorrow radiated so strongly that my own eyes lowered involuntarily.
‘Everything after this… I know.’
The imperial family demanded he prove himself by dueling the Crown Princess, the greatest mage of the Empire at the time—and Russell defeated her.
He was accepted as part of the imperial bloodline, gifted the North, and became the Lion of the Northern Winds.
But now that he had power… nothing remained for him.
Russell had completed his revenge. He had become someone no one dared challenge.
“But even then… they didn’t come back.”
His voice was soaked with grief. Hearing the despair in it made my chest ache.
The lion who brought the northern winds still could not forget his past and lived trapped in fading memories.
The gravestone I’d seen in the forest must have been one of the people he lost.
“…Fiana.”
He called my name in a hollow voice. Russell wrapped both my hands—still gripping the stick—in his. I felt warmth, but it wasn’t the gentle warmth that used to soothe my heart.
It felt like he was the one seeking warmth from me.
“If you’re expecting love from me… you’re mistaken.”
I knew. He was someone who could not love. His unwillingness to marry was surely tied to that.
“I cannot love. I do not deserve to.”
His words were calm, but the emotion inside them was impossible to hide. His voice trembled just slightly.
“I didn’t know any other way. I thought… this was the best solution I could come up with.”
Regret and loss. And beyond that, a deep despair—as though he was sinking into a swamp.
“I’m… sorry for burdening you.”
Now I understood.
Russell had lived in a twisted way.
The Scarecrow Grand Duchess.
What Russell sought wasn’t love. What he truly wanted was a scarecrow—something that would stand firm and keep the crows away as he lived.
I slowly raised my other hand and placed my palm over the back of his. Russell looked startled.
“A person can’t be satisfied with a scarecrow.”
He said nothing.
“I don’t really understand love either. Maybe it’s something I’ve never been able to find.”
In my previous life and this one, I had lived far from anything resembling love. My parents had been sick with chronic illness, and I had only lived to earn money to pay for their medicine.
I slipped my fingers between his, intertwining them. He flinched at first but didn’t pull away.
“Russell… the strength you have can protect someone.”
“Fiana, I—”
“You want to say it’s already too late, right?”
I didn’t dare say something arrogant like forget your revenge and move on. Not when I remembered how I died in my past life.
“I’m not saying I forgive you. I’m still angry. But your strength… it can protect people.”
Before Russell came, the North had been overrun with barbarians. And because it bordered the Kingdom of Cassus, it was always under military tension.
“You don’t have to move forward. You can stay where you are. There are people who feel safe just knowing you’re there.”
He didn’t respond. Had I gone too far? Anxiety pricked at me.
Still, the North really did stabilize after he came…
Just as I was wondering why he remained silent, he suddenly bowed his head in a dazed manner.
“Fiana… there is something else I must tell you.”
“Huh?”
Did my sister reveal that I can hear the voices of trees?
At that moment, the door of the greenhouse opened.
“Pardon me, Your Grace. Preparations are complete.”
“That voice… Frater?”
“Yes, my lady. It is Frater.”
Russell brushed a hand over his eyes. I quickly pulled my hand away like a child caught sneaking snacks.
“Already?”
He turned toward Frater and spoke in a perfectly composed voice—so calm it made me wonder whether the man who had sought my warmth moments ago had been an illusion.
“What preparations?” I asked.
“The ceremony.”
My thoughts froze.
Noticing my confusion, Russell placed his hand lightly on my back. The earlier desperate warmth-seeking had completely vanished.
“We’re going to hold the covenant ceremony. I’d like you to come with me.”
