Episode 5: I’d Rather Remarr
Yulita finally stood up, slammed the door, and stormed outside. Philip, who’d been watching, muttered like he was disappointed.
“Ah, this kind of messy love drama is best enjoyed with a glass of wine.”
“Prince, please don’t make His Majesty’s private life your amusement.”
Jizelle quietly got up, cleared the dishes, and followed Yulita. She found her mom sitting in a corner of the herb garden with her face buried in her knees.
“Mom, can you tell me? Can I know, too?”
“Jizelle.”
“Sorry, I know you probably want to be alone. But I’m curious. Mom, do you really not want to go back to the palace? You need treatment for your sickness…”
“I would rather die than go back. I saved some money. I’ll leave it with Teo’s family and you’ll be with them too. Don’t worry, Jizelle.”
“I absolutely want to cure your illness! I don’t want Teo’s family to raise me! Is there really no single way to fix it?”
Jizelle’s silver eyes trembled like waves as she looked at Yulita. She didn’t want to lose her mom. This family didn’t exist in her past life — Yulita was the one person who loved her unconditionally. She couldn’t just let her go.
“There are ways, but none that work for us.”
Yulita closed her mouth for a moment. Jizelle felt she wouldn’t get more answers right away, so she stopped pressing.
“Jizelle.”
After a while, Yulita called her, and Jizelle looked back.
“Your mother was a ‘Willi.’”
“A Willi…?”
This time Jizelle understood not from Chaerin’s memories but as herself. In this world, Willi are a special group who protect the flames of the unconscious and the collective unconscious, keeping those fires from being snuffed out or eaten by the ‘malice-thoughts’ (sa-nyeom) that exist in the world.
They’re born knowing they are Willi, and Willi recognize one another so their role continues. It’s a complex idea for a child, but in this world everyone more or less knew about them.
The unconscious is like a flame that shapes the human soul, and the collective unconscious is the fire made from everyone’s memories. In this world there are ‘malice-thoughts’ that try to eat those fires.
So the malice-thoughts try to devour people’s souls. If they only steal the unconscious flame that’s bad, but if they eat the conscious mind itself, the person won’t function as a human anymore.
‘Luckily, consciousness doesn’t get eaten that easily.’
Willi protect the relatively vulnerable unconscious flame. They use mental strength and golden chains of spirit to stop malice-thoughts from invading.
“So they protect it even at the cost of their lives. I didn’t expect the ‘unconscious’ Mertz mentioned was this.”
“Yes. She was one who protects the unconscious. Willi live for the single mission of guarding the unconscious flame so it doesn’t go out and doesn’t get eaten by malice-thoughts.”
Why Yulita told her this now — Jizelle sensed it.
“That man sold his unconscious to the malice-thoughts.”
This was clearly not in the original book. Maybe Chaerin had skimmed the book and missed it.
“Right. For me, that meant my reason to live was gone.”
“But strangely, you came.”
“Me?”
“Yes. He took away my reason to live, then gave it back. He did that…”
Jizelle asked carefully,
“So can’t we go back to the palace then?”
When Jizelle suggested going back to the palace, Yulita looked a little shocked.
“I can’t keep you here forever. First, let’s try to get treatment, okay?”
When Yulita’s blue eyes wavered, Jizelle added,
“As long as you’re okay.”
Yulita smoothed Jizelle’s hair.
“…Jizelle, I’m sorry.”
“After I ran away with you that day, I decided I would never go back. So I can’t go back.”
Yulita looked sad but determined. Jizelle stared at her delicate profile.
“But if you want to go to the palace, I won’t stop you. You are the emperor’s daughter after all.”
“What do you mean, Mom! I’m not going anywhere without you!”
Startled, Jizelle jumped up, hands on her hips, a little angry.
“I’m not leaving you! I’m your daughter before I’m the emperor’s daughter. If you tell me to give up the palace life to stay with you, I will!”
“Jizelle…”
“But, Mom, your illness…”
Yulita’s blue eyes shimmered with tears like the purest drops. Jizelle, almost entranced, stared into them.
“Jizelle, I will accept my fate. Whatever it is.”
“There are people who will take care of you. And you’re smart. As I said, I lost the unconscious I was meant to protect.”
“So you don’t care if you die?”
Anger rose inside Jizelle.
“Even if going to the palace won’t save you because no one can cure this illness, you can’t just stop trying. If you leave, I will miss you my whole life. Doesn’t that matter to you at all?”
Jizelle cut her off, furious. Yulita looked a bit sad.
“Jizelle, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Try to find a cure, okay? Mom, if you die I’ll be miserable forever. Don’t you feel sorry for me?”
Yulita hugged Jizelle. She burrowed into her mom’s arms and started crying. Her tears stained Yulita’s clothes.
“I thought you were strong, so I thought you’d get through it…”
“Mom, you can accept death, but I can’t! I’m brave because you’re here!”
Jizelle sobbed hard. Yulita wiped her tears gently.
Yulita held Jizelle and patted her back. Jizelle tried to stop crying but couldn’t. In her past life she controlled emotions well, but now she couldn’t.
Mertz approached them.
“Yulita. I’m sorry about that day.”
Mertz reached out, but Yulita ignored him.
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“Yulita! I was wrong. Come back to me…”
She hugged her daughter tighter.
“Don’t worry about me. Live your life.”
“Are you just going to give up your life like that?”
“I’ll try my best. For Jizelle.”
Listening, Jizelle lifted her head and looked at Yulita. Her silver eyes glittered.
“But not at the palace. Those palace healers are useless in my view. I’ll study here. That will be better.”
Her face darkened a little when she said it.
“…So go back now.”
“If you don’t hide from me again, I’ll come back.”
He was the emperor, so he couldn’t stay here forever. Leaving Mertz and Yulita together now would only cause more hurt and conflict. To sort things out, Jizelle shouted.
“Mom! I want a dad too! I don’t like this man that much, but let’s let him come back so he can come again. Otherwise he’ll never come back!”
“I’ll leave a viewing orb. If anything happens or you need something, call right away. Don’t hesitate.”
When Yulita didn’t answer, Jizelle took charge.
“Okay, sir! So please go now? Your knights are waiting!”
Behind Mertz, Tori, Philip, and Harel waited. Mertz smirked at the chattering Jizelle and mussed her hair.
“Ouch! What are you doing!”
“Don’t call me ‘sir.’ I’m not married.”
“What should I call you then?”
“Father.”
“That’s weird since you’re not married.”
Mertz averted his gaze from Jizelle and looked at Yulita. She deliberately avoided his eyes.
“Yulita.”
“…Thank you for raising my child alone.”
“You told me it wasn’t your child.”
Yulita couldn’t finish. Mertz had grabbed Jizelle’s face.
“How can you deny she’s my daughter when her eyes are so like mine?”
“Being involved in the birth doesn’t automatically make you a parent.”
“You even stole my chance.”
Jizelle grabbed Mertz’s hand off her face and pulled it away.
“Because you go around grabbing people’s faces like that, Mom ran away! Now go! You’re the emperor and you’re busy, aren’t you, sir!”
Jizelle loudly said ‘sir’ on purpose. Philip burst out laughing. Mertz clicked his tongue, glanced at Jizelle, and turned away.
“Keep that viewing orb safe.”
Yulita gave no answer.
After they left, Yulita pulled up a lily from the garden and buried the viewing orb in the ground.
“Mom!”
“I don’t need something like that.”
Her words held anger and sadness. Her blue eyes trembled with mixed feelings.
‘I thought I stopped loving him, but maybe I still do.’
That was how it was in the novel. Yulita kept telling herself she no longer loved him, but her heart kept going back. Even after her daughter died, her love didn’t stop.
Jizelle quietly patted Yulita’s back. Comforted, Yulita bowed her head.
“Lady Yulita, what would you like to say?”
“Teo, I have a favor.”
While Jizelle napped, Yulita met Teo.
Teo and his family were trustworthy. They had taken in a terrified woman with an infant and helped them stand on their feet. They would be safe caretakers for Jizelle.
“I’m sick. I’ll die soon.”
“Wh-what…? What are you saying?!”
Teo was stunned. Yulita lowered her blue eyes. Her pale lips showed how ill she was.
“It’s true. I’m sorry to shock you, Teo.”
“Then…”
“I have one request. Please take care of Jizelle.”
When Teo couldn’t answer, Yulita smiled faintly.
“Of course, not for free.”
