Chapter 54
“Mortgaged Life” –
“…Huh?”
“Please… I’ll do anything I can.”
Howard’s voice wasn’t loud at all, but to Lurasa, it sounded desperate and painfully earnest —
as if, if she told him to show his sincerity by ripping out his heart, he’d do it without hesitation.
Lurasa quickly helped him up, trying to hide her confusion.
Then she brushed her hair back with a troubled look.
“Sorry, but that’s within Cledos’s domain. I told you before — a mere proxy like me can’t act on my own. Of course, Kisie already crossed that line.”
She’d been more cautious than anyone from the start, even more than Lurasa herself.
Perhaps Howard had acted out of his mind because of grief. Maybe he truly believed everything would be fine.
He thought that as long as it was all for her sake — once she was safe — he could go without regret.
That even if he could never see her again, even if this so-called “next life” didn’t exist, it would be fine.
But that was a mistake.
A delusion.
He couldn’t endure not seeing her.
To leave her would be more painful than burning alive in hell.
He knew it was selfish, but he couldn’t let go.
Howard lowered his head.
Lurasa exhaled deeply and looked at him intently before speaking again.
“If she had chosen to live, things might’ve been different. …But she made the same choice again, and she’s gone.”
Lurasa had used that word — “she” — when Howard first met her, too.
Howard still didn’t know exactly who it referred to, though he had pieced together a faint guess through their many conversations.
“I see… so it’s really like that…”
Lurasa groaned softly.
“Well, since you’re begging so much, I’ll look into a way. But don’t expect much. You know I’ve already crossed a line once. I can’t go any further. Unless you can meet Cledos himself.”
“How can I meet him?”
Cledos, who governed time and destiny, was said to always appear in different forms —
sometimes as an adult man, other times as a child, and occasionally even as an animal.
“Unfortunately, I haven’t seen him in ages. Until he decides to appear, there’s no way for us to find him.”
Howard forced himself to shake off his lingering attachment and nodded.
“I’ve asked too much. Forget what I said. I’ve already wasted enough of your time. I’ll be going.”
He turned to leave — but Lurasa grabbed his ankle.
Howard turned back.
“When your time ends… I can erase her memories of you. It’s not the answer you want, but at least Irina will shed fewer tears.”
Howard let out a hollow laugh.
“…That’s not so bad. I thought maybe it’d be fine to let her resent me.”
Lurasa frowned.
“You and Kisie — why are you both the same? Why can’t any of you ever do things in moderation?”
“Who knows.”
Howard gave a small smile.
“Sorry for troubling you today. I can’t ever repay even the time you’ve given me.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for. You really do become obedient when it comes to Irina, huh?”
“…She’s more than I deserve.”
As Howard’s back receded into the distance, Lurasa murmured softly.
“…You’re really making my heart weak.”
* * *
His body had almost completely recovered now.
Without nightmares, and with nights of deep sleep, he even felt better than before.
That morning, Irina opened the door to the wardrobe at the far end of the dressing room.
Unlike the other closet overflowing with elegant dresses, this one was half-empty —
where she had stored the few belongings she’d brought with her.
She sat down and pulled out her travel bag.
The stiff latch creaked faintly as she opened it.
“Really shabby,” she muttered.
She’d left home with only the bare essentials, so after pulling out a few items, the bag was nearly empty.
Most of what she used now came from this place, and after everything that had happened, she hadn’t opened this bag in a long time.
As she rummaged inside, she found a crumpled piece of paper — folded carelessly.
Irina recognized it instantly.
It was a written agreement her father had signed the day before she was sold to the Marquis’ family —
at her own request — promising not to interfere in her life after marriage.
Half out of spite, half from wounded pride.
Her father hadn’t cared — all that mattered to him was the family’s noble crest.
He had signed it gladly, sealing it with the family’s insignia, looking relieved as he did.
“I told you not to worry about me anymore, and this is how you go. Really…”
Thinking of what might have happened otherwise — how he would’ve ordered her execution without hesitation — made phantom pain flare across her back, as if from a wound that no longer existed.
Her father in that past life had commanded someone to shoot her without a trace of remorse.
The trauma still lingered.
After finishing with the bag, she pulled out the old dresses she’d brought and decided to have them burned.
She asked Connor, the youngest servant, to handle the incineration.
“What? You’re throwing these away? But they’re so beautiful! Why?”
Kisie looked like she might cry.
“I don’t wear them anymore. I just thought I’d clear my head a bit.”
There was no point telling Kisey the truth — that she was living her second life and wanted to get rid of old remnants.
She’d sooner believe the sun rose in the west this morning.
“But, but…”
To Kisie, the dresses still looked lovely and new.
In the end, because of her pleading expression, Irina couldn’t burn them.
Kisie gathered the dresses in her arms, beaming as if she’d just inherited a treasure.
Irina returned to her room, now holding only the letter her father had left.
“I’ll have to make her a dress next time I order one,” Irina muttered, wrinkling her nose.
The familiarity she’d felt toward Kisie the first time they met hadn’t been a coincidence.
When Irina had once tried to flee with Howard to escape her father, it was a woman near the border who had hidden her for a while — that woman was Kisie.
Realizing that had stunned her.
Howard had remembered, too — and this time, by keeping Kisie near Irina, he’d repaid that old debt.
And Kisie, who couldn’t save her mother in the past, now had the chance to protect someone’s mother in the present.
Back then, Irina hadn’t been able to cross the border. But now things were different.
Kisie was still the same — gentle and kind.
Irina brought the letter to the lit candle on the table.
The dry paper caught instantly, flaring up with a whoosh.
Within seconds, it was reduced to ashes in the dish.
A faint burnt smell spread through the room.
Irina poured water over the ashes, stood up, and opened the window to air out the room.
As she turned, the forest outside caught her eye —
and with it, the image of a man lying motionless, barely breathing.
“…He’ll really be all right, won’t he?”
She stared at the forest for a long moment before turning away.
* * *
Irina finished getting ready earlier than the time Howard had said he’d come for her.
Relaxed, she sat waiting.
Kisie poured warm tea into her cup.
“My lady, please, have some.”
“Thank you… Ah! Kisie, sit here for a second.”
“Huh? Me?”
“Yes! Come here. Remember that conversation we didn’t finish in the library the other day? I thought maybe you could tell me the rest. We still have some time before Howard arrives…”
“Um? What conversation?”
Kisie tilted her head.
“You know, back then in the library, when I was looking for that book — you said you knew a lot of those kinds of stories.”
Irina tried to remind her, but Kisey just blinked, blank and confused.
“Did I?”
“Yeah. Don’t you remember?”
“Well… I’m not sure…”
Kisie furrowed her brow, trying to recall.
Seeing that, Irina waved her hand.
“It’s fine. If you don’t remember, it’s not important.”
“I wonder what I was going to tell you…”
“Don’t force it. It wasn’t anything serious.”
“Okay! Oh — the jam cookies should be ready by now! The chef said they’d be done soon. Shall I bring you some?”
“Jam cookies?”
“Yes! The apricot jam and compote turned out so well this morning. The chef said they’re sweet and tangy — you’d love them!”
“Really? Then sure, I’ll have a few.”
“I’ll be right back! You’ll love them!”
Kisie jumped up and hurried out of the room.
“She just brought cookies earlier… and now she’s baking more?”
Irina muttered, watching her go.
Still, it wasn’t too strange — Kisie always wanted to bring her the best of everything.
Irina sipped her remaining tea as she waited.
Soon, Kisie returned with a small plate of freshly baked cookies.
Beside them sat a dollop of soft white cream.
The aroma alone was enough to make Irina’s mouth water.
“Careful, they might still be hot!”
Kisie dusted off her apron and sat down.
Irina picked up a cookie and took a bite.
The buttery dough crumbled instantly, filling her mouth with rich, savory flavor.
Then the warm, sweet apricot jam melted on her tongue.
Before she knew it, she’d eaten one — then reached for another.
At that moment, Kisie spoke.
“Oh, my lady! I remember what story I wanted to tell you back then.”
“…Huh?”
Irina’s eyes widened.
Didn’t she just say she couldn’t remember a moment ago?
