Chapter 53
My Life, Pawned
Irina wiped her mouth with a napkin and lifted he r head.
“Why, are you going somewhere? Aren’t we already spending time together now?”
At that, his face flushed slightly.
“Since it’s the Arena’s founding anniversary, there should be quite a lot to see. I was wondering if you’d like to go there with me.”
It was unexpected.
“Can I?”
He had always remained indifferent whenever she’d suggested going to the Arena together.
Irina’s eyes sparkled.
“I’ll be by your side.”
He said he had strengthened the security this time, so incidents like before wouldn’t happen again.
“Alright.”
She would have gone even if he hadn’t asked.
The moment Irina gave her consent, Howard’s tense expression immediately relaxed.
“Then I’ll make the arrangements.”
“Mhm.”
It seemed like the man who once feared that his own desires might endanger her—so much that he couldn’t even tell her the truth—was beginning to give in to those very desires.
After their evening walk, Howard came to her room the moment Irina finished bathing.
Drying her still-damp hair had become his job lately.
“The weather’s getting colder, don’t you think?”
“After the Harvest Festival, the temperature here will drop quite a bit.”
“Let’s go have some fun then.”
“You mean to the Harvest Festival?”
“Yeah. And not just that—let’s go to everything they hold around here.”
With her eyes closed, Irina let Howard handle her wet hair. Then, suddenly, she turned her head.
“Howard. Are you going to keep talking like that? Since we arrived here, you’ve been doing it nonstop. You do know, right?”
At her pouty remark, Howard chuckled softly.
“It’s because I’ve been your butler for quite some time.”
He had stood by her side for almost as long as he’d served as her knight, so it made sense—but still…
“But I worked so hard to fix that, remember?”
Back then, he had spoken in even more formal language.
Irina had hated it.
So she had taken her time—a long time—to get him to change the way he spoke.
It was one thing when she’d lost her memory, but even now it felt far too distant.
“Still, fix it.”
“Understood.”
“Again!”
“…Alright.”
Howard brushed through Irina’s now mostly dry hair, then pressed a brief kiss to her head.
“All done.”
Instead of getting up, Irina relaxed completely and leaned her back against his chest.
She could clearly feel the firmness of his body behind her.
His breathing was close—closer than before.
Just from this simple act, she was reminded again of what it felt like to be alive.
Howard wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her even tighter against him.
“…I wish we could stay like this forever.”
A sigh tinged with longing slipped from his lips.
Irina’s playful side awoke at his rare honesty.
“Even when I’m a wrinkled old grandma?”
“Yeah.”
His unwavering answer made her smile with satisfaction.
“Even if my face gets all crinkly and saggy?”
“Yeah. I’d love seeing every version of you.”
“Even if some stunning, kind woman suddenly comes along?”
“…Yeah.”
The brief pause—no longer than the time between the sun’s rise and the moon’s fall—made Irina’s eyebrows shoot up.
“Hey, why’d you pause? You did hesitate just now, didn’t you!”
When she tried to turn around, Howard tightened his arms to stop her.
“Don’t. Don’t turn around.”
“Why not?”
Irina struggled to twist her neck.
“You’ll hear my heartbeat better this way.”
“Liar!”
Her giggling laughter vibrated against his chest.
Squirming, Irina managed to slip from his arms and turn around.
Kneeling on the bed, she pushed gently against his chest.
Following the direction of her hands, Howard leaned back.
“I like it better this way. Don’t you?”
She hovered over him like a predator who had just cornered her prey.
Howard lay back fully now, his muscles relaxed as he looked up at her.
“…No.”
Howard raised a hand and cupped her cheek.
His thumb slowly traced her skin, making her squint one eye in ticklish reaction.
His thumb passed over her cheekbone, down the bridge of her nose, then brushed her lips.
Irina stuck out her tongue and licked the tip of his finger.
Howard’s Adam’s apple bobbed hard.
“Don’t.”
His voice dropped low—like a beast’s growl.
‘A while ago, I could barely tease him like this.’
There had been a time when even holding hands was forbidden.
Even meeting each other’s eyes had been too much.
But not anymore.
Irina, emboldened, nipped lightly at the finger still near her lips.
“Kya!”
In an instant, Howard grabbed her wrist, and her view flipped—now she was staring up at the ceiling.
“I told you not to.”
“Hmph. I don’t care.”
Despite his low, threatening tone, Irina’s red lips curved in defiance.
“You’re asking to be punished.”
A dangerous smile spread across his face.
He leaned closer, the world tilting—and suddenly she was beneath him.
Their lips met.
Hot breath mingled as his tongue parted her lips, sinking deep. Sweet, fevered sighs tangled between them.
He teased the roof of her mouth, making her body arch involuntarily.
His hand traveled slowly—up her thigh, along her waist, higher still.
When she lifted her hips slightly, his large hand caught her waist, pulling her even closer.
By the time her breath hitched and her eyes brimmed with tears, their lips finally parted.
“…I think I liked it even when I didn’t remember anything.”
Irina’s cheeks flushed pink as she caught her breath.
“And now?”
“Now I like it more—because I remember everything.”
She grinned, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him back down.
Their lips met again.
By the time Howard managed to collect himself, night had fallen pitch-black.
Irina, exhausted, slept soundly in his arms.
He pressed a soft kiss to her bare shoulder—cool from where the blanket had slipped—before gently covering her again.
His hand hovered above her face, tracing her outline.
Her swollen lips, the slightly tangled hair, her flushed cheeks.
Even the fine down on her skin—he wanted all of it.
The desire to possess her didn’t fade for even a moment.
No—if anything, it grew so strong it threatened to consume him whole.
He couldn’t.
He shouldn’t.
The more his chest swelled, the tighter his heart felt.
He wished time would stop.
“You’ve been the one coming to me first lately. Should I be happy or not? The one I want to get close to is that pretty lady of yours, not a stiff tree like you.”
Hearing the voice, Howard looked toward the garden, where Lurasa was tending the flowers.
Her hair, usually pinned up and hidden under a hat, was loose today, swaying like waves with her movements.
“I have something to ask.”
He approached her.
Unlike the way he looked at Irina, his face was hard with tension.
“Hm?”
Lurasa smiled gently, her tone light and free of malice.
“Your lady regained her memories, and she’s still by your side. Isn’t that what you wanted? Why the long face? What could you possibly be afraid of? Everything’s going just as we both wished, isn’t it?”
Her teasing tone was met with cold silence.
Howard’s temperature seemed to drop a degree.
“…Is there a way to keep him asleep longer?”
The words came out like a desperate plea.
Lurasa tilted her head.
“Hmm.”
She tapped her chin thoughtfully.
“How long was it again? Six months? Or was it even less…”
Howard exhaled—a sigh carrying both anxiety and frustration.
Lurasa stepped closer, perhaps surprised by the depth of emotion in him.
For someone who had lived for centuries, human emotions no longer threatened her.
Yet, faced with a human weakened by love, she sometimes faltered.
“Still clinging to hope? If Kisie heard that, he’d be furious.”
“Wasn’t it your wish for him to disappear?”
Lurasa’s voice grew quiet.
“…Do you want to be annihilated? What I wish for is his rest. …That’s what’s best for him.”
Howard had lain awake all night, even with Irina safely in his arms.
Every day he had lived—for her, to protect her—had been the same, but lately, the weight of it only grew heavier.
He wanted to see every wrinkle form on her face.
To brush them away, to hold her close, to love her still.
His desires swelled—helplessly.
If he could, he would keep wanting her forever.
Slowly, Howard knelt before Lurasa.
Even she—who always acted as though only her emotions mattered—fell silent in surprise.
“Please. Let me stay by her side a little longer.”
