Chapter 120…
The Dog Interpreter
<Why Woo Soo-han Gives People the Creeps.>
That was the title of a post full of stories about my “conversations with dogs” and other weird tales.
I’d only been in showbiz for a little over a year, still basically a rookie, but I’d accomplished enough that my related search terms were piling up like crazy.
“Transformation beggar,” “Action beggar,” “Trans beggar”… that last one was probably because of a commercial.
Anyway, those old nicknames had faded, and lately, people were spreading rumors like “the reincarnation of Kindaichi” or that I could now talk to dogs — literally calling me a dog interpreter.
Just like right now.
The old man’s expression was deadly serious.
“You.”
“Yes?”
“You can talk to dogs now, huh?”
“……”
Ah… this again.
Apparently the chairman himself had seen the show.
Shouldn’t a man that busy not be watching live TV?
Why would he tune in to that?
Of course, I didn’t tell him, “Yes, I can talk to dogs!”
It’s just that, after a bunch of stuff happened, some dogs ended up homeless — so I brought a few of them home.
Well… more than a few.
Among all the people I know, the old man’s house is the biggest anyway.
Sure, the head of the Cheongsan Foundation, Mr. Choi, also has a huge mansion, but we’re not close enough for that yet.
Surprisingly, I’m a bit shy about that kind of thing — really.
“Rather than talking, it’s more like…”
“Mm-hmm?”
“We sort of feel each other’s emotions.”
“That’s called talking.”
“……”
Well, technically, he’s not wrong, so I couldn’t argue.
It’s kind of halfway between conversation and communication.
I mean, I don’t bark — but they understand me.
I speak Korean, sometimes English, and somehow it just… works.
“Then tell them something for me.”
“Sure.”
“Please tell them to stop digging under the garden trees.”
“……Those damn mutts!”
“And tell them to use their bathroom for their business.”
“Unbelievable!”
I was furious.
Living in a mansion and still not potty-trained?
That’s worse than being a dog!
So I went outside and gathered the pack.
“Everyone, come here!”
“Woof! Woof woof!”
[Huh? What’s going on?]
“Ruff ruff!”
[He sounds mad…]
“Whine…”
[Play dumb.]
“Quiet!”
Five dogs nervously gathered in front of me.
“Huh?”
The old man looked at them with wide eyes.
“Didn’t I tell you to behave?”
“Whine… whine…”
They all hung their heads.
Guilty conscience, obviously.
“Whoever’s been digging — raise your paws!”
After exchanging nervous glances, three of them raised their front paws.
“No more digging. Actually—sir, maybe give them a small spot where they can dig? The garden’s huge anyway.”
“Hmm… fine.”
“Alright, from now on, only dig there, got it?”
“Woof! Woof!”
[Yes, sir!]
“And those of you who can’t even use the bathroom properly—”
All five immediately started staring at each other.
“You mangy idiots! Even dogs these days know how to do that!”
“Whimper… whine…”
[That’s harsh…]
[Worse than dogs? Really…]
“If you don’t want to hear it, then use the toilet like you’re supposed to! Move!”
They bolted straight for the bathroom.
I just stood there, dumbfounded.
“Huh?”
Turns out what I thought was a garden sculpture was… their restroom.
“Why the heck is the bathroom as big as my living room?”
“They’re big dogs, aren’t they?”
The old man grumbled, but he couldn’t hide his proud smile.
“Jeez…”
That tsundere old geezer…
For the first time, I was jealous of dogs.
There was an actual enclosed space under the garden structure designed for them to do their business.
“Then why weren’t you using it?”
“Whimper… groan…”
[We thought we’d get scolded if we did it here.]
[We… wanted to feel free?]
Unbelievable.
Okay, maybe the place looked too nice to poop in, but still—
“Free, huh? Want me to set you free forever?”
“Woof woof woof!”
[No! Please! Sorry!]
They panicked and wagged their tails frantically.
“Hey, stop yelling at them.”
“But sir—”
“If they couldn’t understand you, fine, but they do. Tsk.”
Whose side was he on, anyway?
These mutts were spoiled rotten.
“Alright. You do your business here, understood?”
They all nodded.
“And behave for the chairman. If I hear you’ve trashed the place again, I’ll send you back where you came from.”
At that, they tucked their tails and whimpered.
Then—SMACK!
“Ow!”
“You punk! You want me to send you back to being a beggar?”
“Why hit me?! You said to use words!”
“Where am I supposed to hit them, huh?”
“Huh?!”
My affection vanished right then.
He talks to dogs gently, but hits me?
Unbelievable.
Anyway, after I finished their “manners training,” I gave them one last order:
“Stay on guard. If something happens, don’t bark—report to the security guards.”
“Woof! Woof!”
They answered smartly and scattered to their posts.
“Hmph.”
“You said you’d never even had a dog before. Guess late bloomers are dangerous.”
“What do you mean bloomers!?”
That old man’s eyes were full of honey.
How did he live this long without dogs?
After that, I promised to give obedience training to the other dogs at the shelter and those sent to the “dog safari,” then went back inside with the old man.
“Ooh! Galbitang (beef rib soup) tonight?”
The chairman, the chief secretary, and I sat down for dinner.
Apparently they’d been investigating the “earthbound spirit” case while I was out.
“Is this it?”
“These are the reports.”
“Whoa… that’s a lot of deaths.”
“Mm-hm.”
Even the old man frowned — a rare sight.
“Not all were work-related, though.”
“Yeah, but still.”
The cause list included car accidents, illness… but also overwork.
“Overwork deaths are ridiculous. Take care of your health, Chief Yoo.”
“Hey, watch it!”
The chairman snapped, but Chief Yoo just smiled.
“I’ll be fine, really.”
“See? He’s fine!”
The chairman puffed up proudly again.
That’s exactly the problem.
“Sure, like he’s gonna say ‘I’m dying of stress’ right in front of his boss—the chairman?”
“Hmm?”
“You think a department head’s gonna walk into an executive’s office and say, ‘I’m struggling lately’?”
“Ahem.”
He suddenly focused on his soup.
No comeback for that one.
Then Chief Yoo spoke up.
“That’s why we have an anonymous board to collect employee concerns.”
“That’s fine for small stuff. But for a company this size, is that enough?”
“Then what do you suggest?”
“You keep hiring interns, right?”
They both nodded.
“Use them as undercover inspectors.”
“Undercover…?”
“Yeah. They’ll get a sense of the real atmosphere.”
The old man looked at me curiously.
“Where’d you get that idea?”
“I’ve seen cops go undercover among the homeless. The rookies are easy to spot. Their eyes give them away.”
“Still, it might make the company look distrustful.”
“There are plenty of bad apples among newbies too. This weeds them out. Anyway, before that—we should identify these people from the photos first.”
“Right. The photos are here.”
“Good. I’ll check them with Mansoo.”
The old man looked relieved.
“Ahem, good. Do it fast.”
“You think that’s easy? And what about the files related to John?”
“That’ll take time. We’re checking all data, not just under that name.”
“Tch. In movies they find it in five seconds.”
“We can’t break the law like in movies anymore. Takes longer now.”
“When you work with authorities, you play by their rules.”
“True. Fine, I’ll wait.”
“Good. Just get that other thing done quickly.”
Yeah… he never misses a chance to benefit.
No wonder he built an empire.
* * *
Park Mansoo was sulking.
“Why drag me into this?”
“Am I a shaman or something?”
Lately he’d been used as free labor too much, so he was pouting.
“The chairman said he’d look out for you.”
“Really?”
His eyes lit up.
“So do your best. Once this is over, we’ll hold a memorial ritual or something, okay?”
“Put in a good word for me, alright?”
“Then work hard.”
Mansoo nodded eagerly.
“Let’s go.”
They entered the lobby together.
Apparently the chairman had arranged things — the place was dead silent.
“Ugh…”
“What’s wrong?”
Soo-han shuddered, and Mansoo frowned nervously.
“You try facing people with no faces and see if you don’t freak out.”
“Ahem.”
Mansoo coughed and followed.
When they reached the spot where the spirits’ energy was strongest, Soo-han spoke.
“It’s been a while.”
“What are you…”
Mansoo clicked his tongue at Soo-han’s polite tone.
“Could you check if you’re in any of these photos?”
“You can just ask like that?”
“Why not?”
Mansoo was speechless.
Technically it wasn’t wrong — but it sure wasn’t the usual shaman way either.
Still, maybe this was just how Soo-han did things.
Just in case, Mansoo held up his talisman and bells, ready for anything.
Unstable spirits could turn violent at any time.
“Huh?”
Soo-han blinked blankly, and Mansoo asked,
“What? Problem?”
“They said they can’t see well… no eyes.”
“……”
Well, if they looked like egg ghosts, of course they didn’t have eyes.
But still — that answer was unexpected.
“So what now?”
“You’re the expert, aren’t you?”
Mansoo muttered automatically:
“Uh… maybe they should see an eye doctor—”
“Are you insane?”
“S-sorry.”
“You really are a quack, aren’t you?”
“I’m not! You’re the only one who treats me like that!”
Mansoo could only protest, utterly wronged.
