Episode 23
Rurik asked, in a tone of genuine incomprehension.
“How dare you say that? Everything I do….”
He came to a halt with heavy steps, then abruptly lowered his stance.
I gazed distantly as he went down on one knee.
“It’s all for you.”
He ground out the words fiercely.
“If you’re in pain, what’s the point of all this…?”
Seen up close, one of his eyes was completely black.
I managed to move my clumsy tongue and whispered.
“Please take me to my room, Brother. You must take me.”
Rurik made a sound as if stifling his anger, but then groaned and stood up.
He suddenly reached out and threw back the covers.
His strong arms slid beneath my neck and knees.
“Everyone, leave.”
Rurik lifted me as lightly as if picking up a pillow and issued the command.
His pupils were endlessly turbulent.
I wished for everyone to quickly get away from us.
‘If he were to lose control, I hope no one is around.’
And at the same time, I realized.
Even if he did lose control, Rurik would never harm me.
His gaze, infinitely affectionate even amidst his intense anger, clearly told me so.
“I’m cold, Brother.”
When I deliberately whined, he pulled me tighter against his chest.
Rurik hurriedly made his way to the women’s dormitory.
“This way, Your Highness,” Phoebe hastily followed, indicating the location of the room, but she couldn’t bring herself to step inside and remained outside the door.
Rurik laid me down on the bed, covered me with the blanket, and only then did he speak.
“Are you still cold?”
When I nodded, a large palm hesitantly pressed against my forehead.
Our eyes met suddenly.
Hoping the black energy encroaching on Rurik’s pupils would cleanly disappear, I placed my palm over the back of his hand.
“I like it… your hand is warm.”
He looked down at me with a flustered expression, before finally speaking in a voice that had lost its tension.
“Don’t think you can solve this with just a bit of whining. If you weren’t feeling well, you should have said so sooner. Pushing yourself until you collapse outside….”
I pleaded, putting on a pitiful act.
“I’m sorry, Brother… But I didn’t want to be a burden, especially since we’re here at the monastery.”
“……Since when has it been? Since Heim?”
That day, Rurik had seen me slip away quietly during the banquet.
When I nodded vaguely, he sighed.
“I was careless. I thought you were just uncomfortable with the formal banquet.”
“No, Brother. It’s more that… did you wait long for me at the waterfall?”
I asked, trying to gauge just how badly he had vented his wrath on Helena and whether there was any possibility of recovery.
Unexpectedly, Rurik shook his head immediately.
“When I saw the maid alone at the waterfall, I knew immediately something was wrong. You wouldn’t be late if you had called for me.”
So, was the plan flawed from the start?
As I lamented internally, Rurik asked.
“That maid… is she someone you’ve taken a particular liking to?”
He was the one bringing up Helena first.
Feeling this was right, I answered.
“Yes, Brother. She’s younger than me, but she’s so diligent and devout, it’s quite admirable. If she weren’t aiming for the path of a religious, I’d want to take her to the imperial capital.”
Rurik frowned.
“Why would you want some country maid? She might be trying to trick you, taking advantage of your innocence.”
For a moment, I was so surprised I almost sat bolt upright, but I tried not to overreact and timidly rebutted.
“No, Brother. She brought me pretty flowers and told me many stories about the monastery. And her emerald eyes are so beautiful.”
Rurik looked exasperated.
“Who pays attention to a maid’s eye color?”
You! You do!
‘Soon, you’ll be head over heels for her, completely captivated!’
She’s your first love!
Your future Empress!
I was dying to shout that, but couldn’t. Instead, I added dejectedly.
“Helena did nothing wrong, but Phoebe ended up hitting her.”
Maybe I need to garner a little more sympathy?
I desperately bit my tongue, making my eyes glisten with tears. Rurik flinched and averted his gaze.
“She must feel so wronged, and she didn’t even offer a single word in her own defense. Did you get very angry with Helena too, Brother? For leaving me behind?”
Rurik’s face contorted again.
“Why is that so important?”
Because she mustn’t dislike you!
While I was screaming internally, thankfully Rurik answered.
“Who has time to get angry over a foolish maid? If you were missing, I had to find you.”
I let out a sigh of relief and stroked the back of Rurik’s hand, which was still pressed against my forehead.
“But she’s a child I’m fond of, Brother. She’s not foolish at all.”
“……Ha.”
Rurik seemed to have a lot more to say, but apparently didn’t want to keep scolding his sick younger sister.
“Just rest for now. Don’t waste your energy on unnecessary worries.”
“……Are you going to leave?”
I was just trying to calculate the probability of him running into Helena, but the corners of Rurik’s mouth twitched peculiarly.
He had put weight on his feet as if to rise, but seemed to give up immediately and stayed put, keeping his place.
“I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”
Helena might come back to apologize to me…
Judging it better for Rurik to stay put in my room, I nodded.
“Thank you, Brother.”
‘Mmm…’
I had kept Rurik here with ulterior motives, but it seems I genuinely fell asleep at some point.
‘I really must not be feeling well…’
But even when I woke, a large hand was still carefully stroking my hair.
Just as I was about to flutter my eyelids open, I heard a soft voice.
“…I wish I could have taken care of you like this when you were little.”
It was Rurik.
‘Has he leaned his back against the wall?’
His voice felt a little more distant than before.
I immediately stopped trying to open my eyes and just pricked up my ears.
“Back when I left for my first campaign, after prying you off me as you cried and begged me not to go.”
Louise never appeared even once in the novel, so these must be memories Rurik had never shared with anyone.
As I listened quietly, his long-held memories quietly mingled with the air in the room.
“I found out much later. That you were sick then. Your fever was so high… your nursemaid said she thought you were dying. In my childish heart, I wondered if you’d gotten sick because you resented me for leaving….”
For a nursemaid to be involved, it must be a very old memory.
“When I returned, elated from tasting my first victory, you wouldn’t even look at me.”
Yet, Rurik’s voice was sorrowful.
As if he had returned to a distant past.
“I was young then too… foolishly, I felt hurt by that. Not knowing that it would cause us to drift apart…”
He continued.
“If it weren’t for your letter, I probably still wouldn’t have found the courage to reach out to you first… I’d still be filled with nothing but regret. Pathetically.”
I don’t know what Louise wrote in that letter to him, or how she usually felt about Rurik.
That hasn’t been revealed in the diary yet, and whether it will be in the future remains unknown.
‘But I can’t just ignore Rurik’s festering wound like this…’
It’s a wound that missed its chance to heal properly, and such wounds keep hurting.
So, I murmured softly.
“I feel the same, Brother. I wish I hadn’t resented you for no reason.”
Speaking with my eyes closed, Rurik flinched.
He must have thought I was asleep.
“I know now that you were building your strength to protect me. I’m sorry for acting like a child and throwing tantrums all the time.”
I opened my eyes and looked up at him cautiously.
Rurik met my gaze and smiled bitterly.
“What nonsense. I’m just happy… that the day came when you would ask me to hold you again.”
I gently pulled his hand and looked directly at his face.
The crimson pupils had returned to their original state.
Relieved, I held Rurik’s hand tightly and cautiously broached the subject.
“Brother, earlier, when you were so angry with me…”
“Hm?”
Rurik’s red eyes were fixed on me, so I mustered my courage to ask.
“At that time… your eye color seemed a little different, somehow. I must have been seeing things, right?”
