Chapter 112
“Besides, Her Majesty Empress Cleo once said that a woman’s lifelong fortune depends entirely on how good a man she marries. If that’s true, then I must be the luckiest person in the world. After all, my future husband is none other than the illustrious young Duke of Castrain. Even His Majesty the Emperor is looking forward to it.”
“No matter how great the House of Castrain may be, don’t forget that you’re still living inside the imperial palace.”
“……”
“And no matter how fond His Majesty is of you, the one he truly cherishes is me—and the only one he regards as his son is Brian.”
Cleo savored the chill that froze in Titania’s eyes, basking in the thrill of the moment.
If only she had obediently stayed by the side of the woman who pretended to be her mother, even if it was a lie—then she wouldn’t have ended up abandoned by her own birth mother like this.
Originally, Empress Elaine was supposed to leave the palace of her own accord, while Cleo could pretend she had nothing to do with it. That way, it would’ve been easier to deceive Titania.
But Elaine’s seclusion had dragged on far too long.
And the Emperor—he had far too strong a weakness for beautiful women.
So Cleo decided it would be better to present the situation as though she had graciously helped Elaine leave the palace. No matter how exalted the Empress might be, if a sickly mother wanted to go out to recuperate with her daughter after years of confinement, who could stop her? Even if Titania refused, the Emperor—bewitched as he was by Elaine—would not take her side. The Castrain family, merely her fiancé’s household, could not interfere.
And if, outside the palace, Elaine and Titania were to disappear… it could easily be blamed on the Empress, who sought to eliminate her rivals. If done properly, Cleo could even have the Empress confined.
She couldn’t kill or dethrone a woman of that noble birth—but to turn her into a living corpse? That was easy.
The very thought of it made Cleo want to laugh aloud. And now that she had found a capable new accomplice, she feared nothing.
“Look at you, Titania. You truly are a blessed child.”
“…I wonder if Your Majesty will still be blessed to the very end.”
Titania smiled faintly—mocking her own composure as she looked into the other woman’s eyes, unbowed to the last.
When the awkward dinner and meeting with the Empress finally ended, Titania fled the imperial palace.
She had promised herself never to use the secret passage unless it was absolutely necessary—but that resolution felt meaningless now. She simply couldn’t breathe inside the Rose Palace any longer.
She knew Cleo would have eyes watching her after what had happened—she should’ve been careful. She had left Sarah behind to handle whatever excuses might be needed, and then… she’d just run.
Debby didn’t say a word as she led the way. When they slipped through the back gate and reached a quiet alleyway, Titania just stood there blankly. The hooded cloak she wore hid her completely, but even so…
The warm summer breeze brushed past. Stars glittered above.
It should’ve felt like the night she had watched fireworks—but she felt nothing.
She wanted to scream. Or cry. Or throw everything away and sink into endless sleep.
Then—footsteps. Slow, cautious ones, drawing near.
“…May I stay by your side?”
It was Raymond, dressed not in uniform but in simple clothing. His voice was quiet, careful.
“As you already know, the ‘back gate’ of the palace isn’t a proper exit. Even in disguise, staying here is dangerous. If you’ll allow it, I can—”
“Do you think Lady Cleo despised Titania enough to hold her hand?”
“……”
The words came out disjointed, but Raymond didn’t ask what she meant. Her mind was in chaos.
She wasn’t stupid. She knew exactly what the Empress and Adrian’s horrified expressions had meant. She knew what Cleo’s proud smile had signified—better than anyone.
Empress Elaine had taken Cleo’s hand.
Whatever that meant—it was undeniable.
“To stay alive until I came of age… I thought that was compassion. I thought she was protecting me just enough not to fall completely into Cleo’s hands. I thought that was her sense of responsibility… as a mother.”
Her breath hitched.
What she had told Vivi earlier hadn’t been a lie—she had pitied Elaine. She had understood her treatment, even. She hadn’t reached out just to deceive herself. She had deliberately chosen to feel nothing, to cut herself off.
Even in death, Elaine hadn’t completely let go of everything.
But was that pity—that mercy—granted only because Titania had lived a life worse than death?
Was her mother’s compassion dependent on her misery?
If she dared to live—without maternal love, without her fiancé’s affection, without the Empress’s empty sweetness—would that make her unworthy of even pity?
“Was I… so pathetic? So pitifully stupid that she couldn’t stand to see me? Did she despise me just because I tried to live differently?”
Was the changed Titania so hateful?
Was it so unbearable to watch her try to live properly?
Every time she thought of it, her chest seized up. It felt like standing before a coffin, setting it aflame, and watching everything she’d loved burn to ash.
“……”
“Why?”
“……”
“Because she never wanted to give birth to me? Because I’m the child of a man she loathed? Because when I was born, the one she loved died?”
“Titania.”
“She didn’t even want me! Then she should’ve killed me herself when I was a baby! If she hated me that much—she could’ve said so, told me to die, told me I shouldn’t have been born—”
Should have…?
If she had—would Titania have died back then?
Was sparing her life mercy?
The thought was so bitterly absurd she laughed, weakly, hollowly.
How pathetic.
She’d prided herself on being different—on doing better because of the parents she’d lost and cherished only in memory. And yet the moment her birth mother took Cleo’s hand against her, she crumbled.
Hadn’t she just been pretending not to care—self-hypnotizing herself into believing she was fine, just to avoid being hurt again?
“Why… why do I hate her only now? Is it because I wanted her to look at me? Because I hung around the Licorice Palace like a fool, hoping she’d notice me? Because I craved her attention? Because Cleo acted differently because of me?”
Was it because the living, breathing Titania—who refused to die quietly—had become unbearable to her?
Ever since she’d awakened her past life, she’d believed she’d done well.
She had no regrets, no shame. She’d gotten revenge where it was due, made amends where she could. She’d lived her life without leaving unfinished business.
But this—Elaine’s change—this was something worse than all of that. Something her “changed self” had caused.
Maybe Titania would’ve been better off never knowing how much her own mother hated her.
The thought strangled her like a rope tightening around her throat. She gasped for air, like a fish thrown out of water.
“It’s not your fault. Please, Titania. Please… don’t say such things about yourself.”
Raymond’s face was pale as death as he caught her trembling body. She hung limply in his arms, like a puppet whose strings had been cut.
“You’ve done nothing wrong. Nothing. Even if there were faults… the guilt lies with those who abandoned you. It’s my fault.”
She looked at him blankly. His expression was desperate, tortured.
“When you were left alone in the palace, I was the one who turned away. I thought my duty was only to those within my family’s walls. That I didn’t have the right—or the time—to take responsibility for you as well. I told myself it was better to stay uninvolved, that indifference was mercy. But that was all an excuse. I see that now—too late.”
His lips trembled. His golden eyes, twisted with anguish, reflected her shattered image—an ugly, broken paper doll soaked through and falling apart.
She didn’t care if the pieces scattered and vanished into nothing. But Raymond—Raymond was trying to pick up those pieces, one by one, to make her whole again.
He had always hidden his emotions well, keeping them buried deep in his chest—but now they overflowed through the cracks, raw and uncontrollable. As if seeing her like this was his punishment.
“……Even if Her Majesty Elaine did what she did, none of that is your sin. No one is born by choice. If there’s guilt, it lies with His Majesty, not you. The Empire used marriage as a weapon to keep our house in check—so the fault lies with us. Even ignorance cannot be blamed on a child who had no one to teach her otherwise.”
“……”
“When you used to lash out at me, I almost felt relieved. Because I thought—if you could just realize that I could never be the perfect fiancé you wanted, then it would all end soon, and everyone could finally be free. Because I… I’m not someone who saves people. Just protecting the few within my reach is already enough to exhaust me. So I thought….”
For some reason, he looked like a frightened child in that moment. He shut his eyes tightly.
“……”
“I’m sorry. It’s hypocrisy for me to come now, after having long since let go of your hand, and tell you not to give up on yourself just because I’m still called your fiancé. But even so…”
“…………”
“Please… don’t hate yourself. That’s all I ask.”
Like a salt doll dissolving in seawater, Titania just stood there, listening blankly.
You have nothing to apologize for, she wanted to say—but she didn’t have the strength.
Her body ached, as though her very tears had turned to salt and were seeping from her skin.
