#71. I Won’t Be Anyone’s Possession
“Don’t be violent!”
Nikolai’s broad, muscular shoulders flinched.
The arm that had been pressing Douglas down loosened slightly.
I seized the moment.
“Just because you’re the Emperor, does that mean you can go around hitting people?”
Treason against the Emperor?
I wasn’t afraid of that at all.
Right now, I had to protect Douglas — the man who had always been sincere toward me.
And I didn’t want to see Nikolai like this, brutal and furious, no matter the reason.
“Are you taking his side in front of me?”
Nikolai ground his teeth.
I placed my hand on my hip and lifted my chin proudly.
“You’re not a child. Why are you even talking about sides?”
“…”
“Let him go, please. Release the Marquis of Nettleton.”
Nikolai didn’t move an inch, but his eyes trembled faintly.
It was time to drive the nail in.
“You, Your Majesty, are the kind of man I hate the most!”
“…What did you say?”
“The kind of man who throws punches first, who never listens to others, who’s full of arrogance and obsession!”
“That’s quite a list.”
“The worst thing of all is violence. It’s truly the worst.”
I enunciated each word with force.
Anxiousness welled up deep in my chest.
What if this doesn’t work? What if he doesn’t care?
The silence that followed squeezed at my heart.
Then, like someone waking from a dark spell, Nikolai finally released his grip.
“Cough, cough!”
Douglas hacked weakly.
His face was flushed red, but thankfully, he didn’t seem seriously hurt.
If I had been even a moment too late—what might have happened?
Before I could even catch my breath, Nikolai ordered coldly:
“Take the Marquis of Nettleton away.”
“Yes, Your Majesty!”
The knights stationed outside answered in unison.
Every heavy step they took made the wooden floorboards thud deeply beneath their armor.
I spread my arms and blocked their path.
“Sir Douglas is innocent! Take me instead.”
“Step aside, Elizabeth.”
Nikolai’s gaze grew harsher, cutting toward me as I shielded Douglas.
Even now, Douglas only worried about me, not himself.
“It’s the Emperor’s command, Elizabeth.”
“Sir Douglas did nothing wrong.”
“I knew the risks when I came here.”
“If I’d known it would turn out like this, I never would’ve asked for help.”
“Elizabeth…”
“I can’t let this happen. Not for Susan’s sake.”
—Bang!
Nikolai slammed his fist into the wall.
It was clear he was barely containing his anger at hearing our exchange.
I met his eyes — straight and unwavering.
“Your Majesty. Please, send Sir Douglas back to the Nettleton estate.”
“Is that a demand?”
“It’s a request.”
“He aided a fugitive. That’s a grave crime I cannot overlook.”
“If you’re talking about law, then I’m the one you should punish. I’m the one who ran away!”
Nikolai’s lips pressed tightly together.
An Emperor’s will carried the weight of law itself.
If he wanted to punish Douglas, the reason didn’t matter — and no one could stop him.
“What are your orders, Your Majesty?”
The knights waited like trained hounds for his command.
Nikolai glared at Douglas with killing intent, then muttered:
“Confine the Marquis of Nettleton to house arrest immediately.”
“But—!”
I tried to protest, but Douglas stopped me.
“It’s the Emperor’s decree. We must obey it. Please, Elizabeth.”
“I’m sorry, Sir Douglas.”
“You don’t need to apologize. I only came for your sake.”
Douglas’s expression was utterly sincere.
To him, our escape had been a journey — a memory worth keeping.
That’s why he could still smile so gently now.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you better. Perhaps, someday…”
He swallowed the rest of his words.
Nikolai waved his hand as if shooing away an insect.
Douglas disappeared with the knights.
Now only Nikolai and I remained.
The tension in the air was sharper than when he first appeared.
The bathwater had already gone cold.
I broke the silence first.
“How did you find me?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I thought I’d lost you.”
“I ordered the pursuit to circle wide — just enough for you to feel safe enough to appear.”
“You’re quite thorough.”
“If I’d known you were sharing a room with Douglas, I would’ve come sooner.”
Nikolai bent down and picked up a towel Douglas had dropped.
Even then, his eyes never left me.
My breath grew shallow.
“It was the first time I stayed in an inn. Sir Douglas insisted on sleeping in the carriage.”
“If I hadn’t known what kind of man he was, I’d have killed him on sight.”
“What?”
“He only pretended to be chivalrous for your sake. Can’t you see that’s his trick?”
“So you knew and still hit him?”
How could someone be this impossible?
I frowned deeply, and Nikolai asked quietly:
“Can’t I have you?”
The voice wasn’t violent, nor arrogant.
It trembled — like that of a lost boy.
Why did he sound so afraid while asking to possess me, as if he already knew my answer?
“I won’t be anyone’s possession.”
Sometimes, I had wanted to be his.
To give him everything, to have all of him in return.
But you can’t own the sky, the sun, the stars, the moon, the wind of spring, or the passing of time.
And just like those, he would never belong to me.
“So I can’t cage you, then.”
The sorrow that started in Nikolai’s voice swept over me.
I couldn’t help but ask back:
“You want to lock me away? Like a canary in a golden cage that sings when you wish it?”
“…”
“I’ll say it again — I can’t. No, I won’t. If you want a canary, find another woman.”
A bitter smile rose to my lips.
He already had countless women.
So why did he look wounded, as if he knew only me?
He looks so lost… as if he’s never known a relationship that wasn’t about control or possession.
He was the Emperor, surrounded by flowers — by women waiting for a glance, a gesture.
Now, he wanted to lock me away too.
The taste in my mouth turned dry and bitter.
“Couldn’t you have just waited a little longer?”
“I couldn’t bear it any longer — I had to come to you.”
“If you keep ‘coming to me,’ you’ll end up a wanted man.”
“Come back with me, Elizabeth.”
Nikolai held out his hand.
The urge to take it hit me like lightning.
But—
“The same thing will happen again.”
“Claudia must have imprisoned Marquis Brendan by now.”
So Claudia had accepted the position of Knight Commander.
Had she understood my message?
Or was she preparing the revolution she’d already planned?
The thought of seeing her again filled me with dread — and hope.
“If it’s Lady Claudia, she’ll handle everything perfectly.”
“You’re saying you expected her to become Commander of the Palace Knights?”
“I only considered a few possibilities.”
I had no intention of telling him about the letter I sent.
I didn’t care to boast about it, either.
If it could change Claudia’s mind — if it could prevent us from becoming enemies — that was enough.
But Nikolai seemed to have figured it out anyway.
“For now, all eyes will be on Claudia.”
“So you’re giving her space to spread her wings?”
“I’ve always been a wandering Emperor, haven’t I?”
“That’s a clever strategy — better than moving directly yourself.”
“The nobles will think she holds full authority now. Young knights are already gathering around her.”
“With their support, reform will only gain momentum.”
After a long conversation, Nikolai leaned against the wall.
He tilted his head back and rubbed his face roughly — as if trying to calm his rising emotions.
“I never thought I’d be having this kind of conversation with the woman who abandoned me.”
…What?
“Abandoned you?”
“What else should I call it?”
His voice carried a sharp, bitter anger.
“I said I’d come back.”
“And I told you not to leave.”
“But—”
“You thought I’d wait quietly after you left only a letter behind? I’m not Douglas.”
“Why bring him up again?”
Ignoring my frustration, Nikolai muttered stubbornly:
“Maybe I should act like Douglas if that’s the only way to get your attention.”
“Your Majesty!”
“Maybe that’s how I’ll finally earn your protection — like today.”
“…Are you jealous right now?”
Nikolai stared at me.
“Is that not allowed?”
If those sharp turquoise eyes weren’t so mesmerizing—
If his sensual lips weren’t pressed tight between his teeth—
I wouldn’t have said it.
“I missed you.”
His expression twisted.
A shaky breath escaped between his lips.
I couldn’t hide my feelings any longer.
“I thought of you every single day.”
“…”
“I’d lie awake wondering, ‘Why don’t you appear in my dreams? It’d be enough just to see you there.’ And then I’d fall asleep.”
Unable to endure the longing, I’d fled into dreams.
Even in dreams, I wanted to see him.
I couldn’t cry.
Because if I did, I’d only miss him more — and I’d end up running back to his arms again.
“You’re a coward,” Nikolai rasped, voice rough with pain.
“Are you playing with me? You leave me so coldly, only to come here saying you missed me?”
“…”
“You’ll just leave me again.”
“If I must.”
Nikolai groaned and stepped closer — until he was right in front of me.
“What am I supposed to do, if I can neither stop you nor keep you?”
His intoxicating scent filled the air.
The crease between his brows was unbearably seductive.
A familiar heat stirred deep inside me.
It finally felt real — that he was here again.
“Then come with me,” I said impulsively.
Nikolai’s eyes widened in surprise.
My heart pounded.
I cupped his cheek with my hand, speaking teasingly:
“You came all this way to meet me — just sneak off with me, then.”
I meant it as a joke, light and exaggerated.
I fully expected him to refuse.
But instead, Nikolai’s lips curved into a strange smile.
He placed his hand over mine.
And that single touch made my head spin.
“That’s a good idea. But I have one condition.”
“A… condition?”
“If you agree to it, I’ll go with you — as your servant. More loyal than Douglas ever was.”
