Chapter 20
The sound of a heartbeat echoed in my ears.
What is Russell doing?
Russell, who doesn’t know that I have memories from a past life, seemed to think I had no sense of color at all.
I tried to pull my hand away, wanting to explain that I didn’t need to, but unfortunately, my hand, firmly held in his, would not budge.
‘But… his fingers are bigger than I thought.’
Since he wasn’t wearing gloves, I could see his hands clearly. His fingers were longer than mine, his palms large and solid.
While I was stuck there, unable to do anything as he held me, he moved his lips.
“The place you’re touching now is where my heart is.”
Everything around us was quiet.
Russell spoke to me in a low voice, continuing to explain.
“The color of the heart is red. It’s a color full of life and intense energy, and the blood is the same color.”
The sound of his heart beating rose high, as if responding to him.
All my senses felt unfamiliar.
The faint scent of mint from his body, the firmness of his chest under my hand, his face dyed in the fading red light—everything felt unreal.
He pulled my hand away from his chest and pointed beyond the horizon with his finger.
To be precise, he was pointing out of the castle toward the forest.
“Green is the color of the leaves on the trees you touch. Unlike red, it brings a sense of calm and stability.”
“And blue?” I asked.
Russell, who had been gazing at the distant forest, turned his eyes to me.
I was suddenly curious.
How would this man explain the color blue?
“People usually say the sky is blue, right? I’ve never seen the sky, so I was curious what color it really is.”
“That’s a good question.”
He lowered his hand and chuckled softly.
“Blue resembles the color of tears. People usually think blue resembles the sky and the sea… but I see it as the color of tears.”
He spoke as if lost in thought. I had never considered tears to be blue in my life, yet Russell thought differently.
My heart thumped.
I had something I wanted to ask, but the words caught in my throat and refused to come out.
Why did you choose me as the Scarecrow Grand Duchess?
As that question formed, a quiet ripple stirred inside me.
I think I understood why he had suddenly asked me to come to the training grounds.
He was saying: You have the power to protect yourself.
So, there should be no hesitation in making decisions or judgments.
If necessary, you must show the decisiveness to draw the knife in the stick and strike behind you.
Even as a Scarecrow Grand Duchess, having that kind of ability is necessary to survive in the North, he must be saying.
Perhaps that is the kind of engagement Russell desires.
“Um… the wish I mentioned before, can you grant it now?”
I decided I also wanted to know about him, Russell.
The man, whose face I had yet to see, slowly turned toward me.
“I want to see your face.”
Silence fell.
Are you wearing a surprised expression? Or are you embarrassed by such an unexpected request?
Either way didn’t matter.
With this, I would engrave your face clearly in my mind and replay it over and over.
After a long silence, Russell finally spoke heavily.
“…I ask again—are you sure that’s what you want as your wish?”
It wasn’t displeasure, thankfully. His reaction was more like surprise.
He probably didn’t expect a small-scale wish like this, after offering examples like opening one’s eyes or living comfortably in the North for life.
For someone born blind in this life, remembering another person’s face carried real meaning.
“I never wanted to know anyone’s face before coming to the North.”
In this life, I had not etched anyone’s face into my heart.
When I finally learned Asha’s face, the emotion that rose within me was more embarrassment than joy.
For 23 years, I had locked myself away in a dark, solitary place. Knowing someone else’s face meant letting them into my heart.
“I don’t even know my family’s faces.”
Is he looking at me with a lonely expression? Or pity?
Either way didn’t matter. Knowing a face meant not forgetting the person.
“So, I want to know what your face looks like.”
The moment I said that, my feet left the ground and I felt a floating sensation.
Russell had lifted me onto a stone railing.
I screamed reflexively.
“Ah!”
“If you want.”
The strong wind at my back made my head spin. My feet couldn’t touch the ground. I shivered at the sensation of floating.
“W-Why did you suddenly put me here?!”
“You’re short, so it’s hard for you to reach my face. If I want you to understand it quickly, sitting you down while I kneel is best.”
But isn’t it crazy to put someone at such a height where they could fall?
He seemed to read my thoughts, his voice playful.
“Don’t worry. If you fall, I’ll catch you.”
“You’re confident… I won’t believe you.”
“Believe it or not, if you want to get down quickly, it’s better to quickly memorize my face.”
Annoying as it was, he was right. I had lost the stick when I was suddenly lifted, and the railing was too high for my feet to reach.
I certainly didn’t want to risk losing balance and falling backward.
After thinking it through, I groaned, realizing the only way was to let him guide me.
“Ha… fine.”
Why is he so willful?
I cautiously placed my hands on his face and began tracing its contours.
The face I touched had clear outlines and gentle curves. His hair was short.
‘Come to think of it, he originally had blonde hair, but now he dyes it black.’
I mentally colored the outline I felt. I imagined a youth with black hair instead of blonde, and golden eyes like the sunset.
My fingers brushed his eyebrows. They were arched calmly, but the lifted eyelids gave off a playful look.
I considered poking his eyes in frustration, then quickly shook my head.
His nose and mouth were proportioned, lips slightly upturned, and the jawline was sharp and muscular.
‘Softer than I imagined…’
My imagination of someone over 2 meters tall and beast-like was completely wrong.
Just as I was about to trace his ears, the one-minute limit passed, and darkness returned to my world.
A sigh escaped my lips. Since I could only scan three times a day, today’s opportunity was gone.
But in my mind, the clearest, most intense image of today lingered.
A man dressed in black like a raven, surrounded by gruesome rumors of bloodshed, offering me a faint smile.
As the image reached that point, my chest ached.
‘What… is this?’
As I tried to process this strange feeling, he lifted me again.
The floating sensation felt pleasant this time.
“Have you satisfied your curiosity now?”
His voice was playful. Now that I could roughly guess what expression he might be making, it was hard to answer easily.
I pursed my lips and deliberately responded bluntly.
“To some extent.”
“…Isn’t he a complete madman?”
It was only much later that I realized I was the only one who had heard Frater, watching from under the spiral stairs, call Russell a madman.
