Chapter 81
My mouth went completely dry.
Killian, seeing the bewildered look on my face, raised the corner of his lips ever so slightly, but I could tell.
That smile wasn’t real. It wasn’t because he was relaxed or amused.
Why?
Was it because I kept calling him “just” a friend and nothing more?
But it’s not like I could suddenly blurt out, “You’re precious and special, my number-one favorite person” right to his face.
Meanwhile, the arm of Killian that brushed against mine grew even more rigid.
I didn’t know exactly what had upset him, but I felt like I should apologize.
Whether it was the past me or the present me, it was my fault all the same.
For some reason my throat kept feeling parched….
“Kil, uh… Killian.”
“Yes, Tia.”
Killian answered while still looking straight ahead. He must be sulking.
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”
“For what… no, I mean… sigh. Forget it, Tia. You don’t have anything to apologize for.”
His tone was gentle, but Killian’s expression remained dark.
Standing awkwardly before the closed door, waiting for our names to be called, I suddenly felt how strange this situation was.
That’s right. I had never once seen Killian’s face look so hardened.
From childhood until now, every time our eyes met, Killian had always given me a bright, radiant smile….
Eyes that folded softly at the corners, high cheekbones that lifted, lips curving in a graceful arc.
The only thing Killian had ever shown me was that dazzling, dreamlike smile I could picture even with my eyes closed.
Maybe—
Perhaps—
Wasn’t I the one who had made Killian like that? The thought terrified me.
Friends can’t always be sunshine and roses. There must’ve been days he felt hurt or annoyed.
Had I, without realizing it, used my royal status—or my own private reason for calling him my “favorite”—to pressure him into always smiling for me?
Smile.
Smile for me.
Isn’t that what you call “smile-lighting”?
Oh no. I had to admit it: even if it wasn’t on purpose, I’d never considered Killian’s feelings.
Sigh….
Maybe this, too, was the original story’s “force” at work. Was I really someone who burdened Killian even with my smiles?
Come to think of it, Killian was completely different when he was with Adele.
He laughed, frowned, even got angry.
Should I be grateful at least that he could be honest with her?
Right, maybe they really are meant for each other. Fated match, acknowledged.
Looking back, lately I kept ending up doing things that made me feel guilty toward Killian. Even back at Dearc….
I couldn’t stop thinking that I was the one making Killian’s life harder.
Maybe it’s because the time for me to disappear is drawing near….
I loosened my grip on Killian’s hand. That warm, interlaced hand felt like a desire I shouldn’t be holding onto.
“Tia?”
Just as I swallowed hard, the door opened and the attendant loudly announced our names.
“Presenting the Empire’s beautiful little sun, Her Highness Crown Princess Celestia Mond, and the Young Duke Killian Märchen!”
“Let’s go in, Killian.”
Instead of taking his hand, I lightly placed mine on his arm, forced a smile, and walked into the Diamond Hall, trying to push away my tangled thoughts.
Still.
She still didn’t seem to see him as a man.
Certain of it, Killian swallowed a sigh.
Adele’s teasing voice rang in his head: “Do you even know how hard it is for childhood friends to get married? Good luck with that.”
She could at least have told him how to do it.
Annoyance rose up in his chest.
After they entered the hall, Tia sat at the table bearing her name without a single word to him, sipping nonalcoholic champagne and glancing around the ballroom.
If only Adele were here.
That girl was never around when he needed her most.
“She’s no help at all. Ugh.”
He almost wanted to slap himself for losing his composure at Tia’s words.
Just then, the Emperor entered alone.
“Presenting the Empire’s Great Sun, His Majesty Emperor Lobis Mond! All rise and show your respect!”
Killian and the other guests all stood and bowed, while Tia rose last and greeted the Emperor with just a meeting of their eyes.
“It moves me deeply to see the generation that will lead the Empire’s future gathered here. Enjoy yourselves. In particular, to commemorate the debut of my beloved daughter, Crown Princess Celestia, I have prepared a small token of appreciation. Do not forget to collect it on your way home.”
As cheers erupted and the Emperor finished speaking, the orchestra began to play.
Across the hall, pressed against the wall, Adele was making her way toward their table.
“There’s Adele, Tia.”
Killian pointed, and Tia nodded.
“Yeah, I see her. Where’s her partner?”
“Good question….”
Her casual reply somehow made him even more nervous.
If he’d known it would turn this awkward, he never would have brought up the past. He just wanted to hint—while talking about their former engagement—that he was still worthy of being her fiancé.
He’d wanted to show her, little by little, that he was still a man for her.
He hadn’t expected Tia to flinch away so apologetically. Or that her reaction would hurt him this much.
“Tia! My goodness. Is it even allowed to be this beautiful? You’re knocking the soul right out of me. Wow… you’re stunning, our Tia.”
After warmly greeting Tia, Adele turned to Killian, gritted her teeth, and hissed:
“Hey, you idiot. How distracted can you get?”
“What! Why…!”
“Music’s playing and you’re not dancing? Tia should be dancing first, you fool! What kind of partner zones out like this? Do you want to ruin her debut? You absolute moron!”
Muttering rapid-fire scolding too quietly for Tia to hear, Adele looked truly terrifying.
She could probably kill a monster with words alone….
But she was right.
Killian had been so focused on Tia’s mood that he’d forgotten. The highest-ranking lady—in this case Tia—had to begin the first dance to officially open the debutante.
Come to think of it, even the Emperor was glaring daggers at him. Sir Ein next to him was scribbling furiously in a notebook, and old Sir Oz’s hair was bristling like white spikes….
Snapping to his senses, Killian carefully stood and extended his hand to Tia.
“Tia, may I have the first dance?”
“Of course, Killian.”
Tia obediently took his hand and headed for the center of the hall. Her dress rippled like waves with every step.
Gasps of admiration spilled from the mouths of everyone attending the debut. A few young nobles exhaled so sharply it was almost irritating.
Suppressing the jealous anger rising in his chest, Killian bowed formally to Tia standing before him.
She smiled faintly and nodded, accepting his bow.
As he stepped closer and reached to place his hand on her waist, a murderous aura prickled at his skin. He didn’t even need to look to know who it came from.
“These people are something else,” he thought.
Yet even more than the threatening aura, what truly rattled him was Tia’s warm scent.
His head felt dizzy.
Killian swallowed his tension and, with his left hand, took Tia’s; with his right, he carefully encircled her slender waist.
Thump-thump, his heart pounded. Tingling sparks pricked his fingertips.
He couldn’t even tell whether the sound he heard was the orchestra’s music or his own heartbeat.
Luckily, Tia was the first to move.
“Killian, thank you. And I’m sorry.”
“Huh? What did you say, Tia?”
“No, it’s nothing. Oh! The music’s speeding up!”
Unlike him, struggling to calm his heart about to burst with aura, Tia danced on as if nothing were wrong. It made Killian feel a little sad.
They were close enough to feel each other’s breath, yet their hearts seemed far apart.
Killian decided to apologize. He couldn’t let them drift any farther.
“Tia.”
“Mm?”
“I’m sorry about before. I think I made you uncomfortable bringing that up.”
At his apology, Tia averted her gaze.
“Tia?”
“No. I’m the one who should be sorry.”
“For what….”
With her eyes turned away, all Killian could see were her long, thick lashes.
That alone made his chest ache with fullness….
But Tia avoiding him was harder to bear than he’d thought.
It had never happened before.
Looking back, from the first moment they’d met until now, Tia had always focused on him.
She’d always listened to him with a smiling face, always clapped and cheered for whatever he did.
He knew well that this was a special kindness reserved for “friend” Killian.
He wanted to hold onto that specialness before it left him. Perhaps he was anxious because, now that she was the Crown Princess of the Empire, she would have to share her attention with everyone.
Because Tia was everything to him.
But then—
With an expression even sadder than his,
Looking as though she might burst into tears at any moment,
Tia said:
“You must’ve been exhausted always accommodating me. I’m sorry I never noticed.”
