#51. Why Did I Do That?
“There’s no need to call it a favor. Saving you was just an impulse, a whim.”
I wasn’t that kind-hearted.
I didn’t want to live just being good all the time.
If Nisa hadn’t reported Rose, I wouldn’t have cared what happened to Rose’s maid.
But Nisa wouldn’t bend her will.
“Nobles ruin others’ lives for trivial reasons. But Lady Elizabeth’s whim saved my life.”
I sighed as I looked at Nisa, sitting upright with her eyes shining.
“Ha… How about looking for another job? I heard you graduated top of your class at the academy.”
“I’ve decided to serve Lady Elizabeth for life.”
“What if it gets known that the daughter of a viscount serves a commoner? You probably wouldn’t even be able to get married.”
“Marriage isn’t necessary. If it weren’t for Lady Elizabeth, my life would’ve ended that day.”
“His Majesty isn’t that cruel.”
“Do you think His Majesty would have fully forgiven me, someone so close to Empress Rose?”
“……”
“I might have survived, but my family would’ve been stripped of our titles and driven to the slums.”
Nisa answered firmly.
‘If the master she served was ousted, it means Nisa’s future is in danger too. She must actively find a way to survive.’
Even though she could have found another job, Nisa chose me.
It was practically a gamble on her future.
As if reading my thoughts, Nisa smiled.
“I’ve heard from the staff in the Crown Prince’s palace. Lady Elizabeth may seem cold, but she’s warmer than anyone.”
“Ah… now I see why Rose favored you.”
“I’ve been recognized even for false loyalty. To Lady Elizabeth, I’ll give only my sincerity. I’m confident I can be of help.”
“That’s all? That’s the reason you’re risking your life?”
Nisa flushed, as if I had struck a nerve.
“Lady Elizabeth is sure to succeed. I thought being a close maid would let me see some light someday too. If I hurt your feelings, I apologize.”
She bowed politely.
I couldn’t help but laugh at her.
“Why so tense? I like it better this way.”
“……Excuse me?”
“If you insisted it was out of gratitude, I’d be suspicious. People’s feelings change too easily.”
“Lady Elizabeth…!”
“But the fact that you calculated your own benefit and future puts me at ease. As you said, I plan to do even better!”
Nisa was a smart girl.
And she knew when to be honest.
The more she learned about my abilities, the stronger her loyalty would become.
‘I needed a source of information inside the palace anyway. I should thank Rose.’
After a moment of silence, Nisa asked, clearly moved:
“Aren’t you afraid, Lady Elizabeth? The Marquis Brendon won’t stay idle.”
“There’s nothing to worry about. I have a plan.”
“Lady Elizabeth, you truly are special. I understand now why His Majesty is so infatuated with you.”
Even clever Nisa seemed convinced I was ‘His Majesty’s lover.’
Well, he had even kneeled before me, so it made sense.
‘But it’s all acting. He plans to use me to shift the power dynamics of the Empire. A commoner, neither empress nor noble—I am the perfect puppet Nikolai wanted.’
I had agreed to become the protagonist in someone else’s play.
I had allowed myself to be used.
Yet, I often found myself trapped in illusion.
‘Does he really like me? This look in his eyes can’t be fake… at least the care he shows is real…’
I bit my lip and shook my head.
Even hoping would only bring bitter emptiness.
Each gesture, each breath of his made my heart sway like a sailboat in a storm.
Yet, in the moment of a kiss, Nikolai avoided me.
Why?
Because of his first love with honey-colored hair?
Because I am just a tool, a contract partner?
I could be certain of nothing.
Every time he acted kindly, another misunderstanding was born.
My doubts grew tenfold.
Whenever anxiety tightened around my throat, I would silently scold myself:
Don’t get hurt again.
Don’t beg for his love.
‘If he’s just using me… why does he put so much effort into this game of seduction? Surely it’s not just pride…’
Lost in thought, Nisa spoke.
“Marquis Brendon is someone who won’t hesitate to use any means.”
“Good for me. I’m the same way.”
I shrugged casually.
Then she asked:
“Do you know why everyone stayed quiet when Empress Rose was imprisoned?”
“It’s strange. Maybe because there are many who see the Brendon family as an enemy, like me?”
Swallowing the lingering anger, Nisa answered.
I leaned back in my chair and nodded.
“That might be part of it, but more likely it’s to check the Marquis’s growing power. He’d want to eliminate at least one candidate for empress.”
“Now that you mention it, the other heads of noble families are quiet too.”
“Better a one-third chance than a quarter, right?”
Even if Rose was a famously reckless woman.
Even if Nikolai truly loved me.
No noble empress could be imprisoned for striking a commoner—it was unthinkable.
And yet Nikolai had enforced an extreme punishment.
‘Nikolai was testing the nobles. To see if they would openly resist or wait and watch.’
Nikolai wasn’t a frivolous playboy surrounded by flowers.
He was calculating and meticulous.
Only a few knew this.
“The nobility only expressed concern formally. They didn’t actively intervene for Rose. Only Marquis Brendon and his followers petitioned His Majesty.”
“They’ve only lost face because they keep getting kicked out, right?”
“And the Marquis’s reputation is plummeting without mercy.”
“I heard Lady Elizabeth is contacting those indebted to Marquis Brendon. Is that true?”
Nisa asked cautiously.
Even I was surprised this time.
“You’re quick with information. How did you know?”
“There are many palace staff in similar positions as me.”
“I decided to repay the debt through the Amherst Guild. I won’t take interest.”
“Like me?”
“With the condition that you provide labor. Volunteering like you is best.”
Money was plentiful anyway.
Any funds flowing to Marquis Brendon would eventually return.
Now was the time to gather talented people.
Spend goodwill, amass power.
It was like killing two birds with one stone.
“The Marquis is spending enormous gold to save Rose. That means he can’t use tricks to prevent repayment.”
“You’re amazing, Lady Elizabeth.”
“Not even close to being done yet.”
“But what if you’re kidnapped again? The culprit hasn’t been caught yet.”
Nisa seemed worried the new mistress might be harmed.
“You heard the dark guild members were taken to an underground prison, right?”
“It’s strange. His Majesty’s edict has been issued, but they still haven’t caught the culprit.”
“The real criminal could be caught at any moment. He won’t sleep easily.”
“Could it be they’re deliberately letting him go?”
“The mastermind is quite powerful. Acting without evidence could trigger retaliation.”
“So, without concrete proof, they’re tightening the net while setting the scene?”
“You’ll understand in time.”
Noticing my expression, Nisa changed the topic immediately.
She had sensed I was holding back.
Indeed, Nisa was on a completely different level from the other maids.
“I’ll bring tea. You must be thirsty.”
Her skill in brewing tea was impeccable.
As the aroma of the leaves relaxed me, a servant arrived.
“His Grace, the Marquis of Nettleton, requests an audience.”
There were no literature lessons today.
Was it because of Owen?
Or Susan?
I asked, curious.
“Please escort him to the reception room.”
“He said he would wait in the Crown Prince’s palace gardens.”
“Did His Grace come personally?”
“No. He sent a letter asking you to meet.”
Why at another location?
If Nikolai found out, it would be a problem.
Douglas had never summoned me before.
Curiosity and suspicion rose at the same time.
“May I read the letter?”
I examined the letter the servant handed me.
‘It’s the stationery used by Susan and Douglas. The ink smell is identical. The seal is unmistakable. But the handwriting…’
I tilted my head, then made up my mind.
With Rose trapped in the Ice Tower, no one could play games with me.
Unless someone didn’t fear death or was confident they wouldn’t be caught even if they harmed me.
At the appointed place, a person was standing.
It wasn’t Douglas.
Each step made my heart pound.
Silver hair rippling in the wind.
Eyes as lonely as a hawk soaring across the sky.
The woman I faced every night had stepped into reality.
“Claudia…?”
What should I say?
I missed you?
I liked you?
Save me?
My lips froze, as if thrown into a midwinter lake.
Fog rolled in from somewhere, obscuring my vision.
I couldn’t breathe.
I couldn’t think clearly.
Was it fear, anger, resentment?
Or longing?
Claudia stared at me with her transparent blue eyes.
Beautiful as a porcelain doll, yet exuding untouchable authority.
A genius prosecutor whose mere posture overwhelms her opponent.
My favorite.
Elizabeth’s enemy.
‘You’re the one who called her to the palace! You chose her as a proxy!’
I thought I was ready.
I promised myself I wouldn’t run in fear.
Yet just facing Claudia made me break into a cold sweat.
“It’s been a while, Lady Claudia.”
I tried to stay calm, but my voice cracked.
My cheeks flushed.
I wanted to turn and run immediately.
But where would I go?
How could I escape the strongest prosecutor?
Claudia’s expressionless face wrapped around me like a rope embedded with thorns.
The guillotine’s blade glittered behind her.
“I’m sorry for deceiving you. I thought you’d refuse if I asked to meet.”
“Ah, no. Of course not. I’m the one who’s sorry for dragging you into trouble.”
A forced smile made my cheek twitch.
Even knowing it was useless, I regretted it again.
‘I could have won the bet so easily! Fool, idiot, mutt…’
Then Claudia spoke.
Her voice, almost flat and indifferent, reached my ears.
