#35. Because You’re Too Cute
Inside the gift box was something small, black, and hard—whether a seed or a fruit, I couldn’t tell.
It was the size of a thumbnail.
The little fruit was fixed on a silk cushion, perfectly tailored to its size, as if it were a precious gem.
Shaking it produced no sound at all.
“Somehow, you look a bit disappointed,” Nikolai teased, lifting one corner of his mouth mischievously.
“Not at all,” I replied.
“Did you think it was a jewel?”
For a moment, I had wondered if it might be a ring. I even hoped it was. Just for a little while.
“There are plenty of jewels lying around to kick underfoot, you know?”
I snorted, trying to hide how impatient I felt. Though my flushed cheeks gave me away.
“This little fruit is more precious than any gem in the world.”
“You’re not going to tell me what it is?”
“I’ll tell the gardener. Plant it yourself. When it sprouts and grows lush, you’ll understand its value.”
It wasn’t exactly an elementary school vacation assignment. A gift I could only receive if I nurtured it?
Noticing my eyes cooling at the thought, Nikolai added,
“Remember that skewer place? You ended up enjoying it, didn’t you?”
“That’s because we could eat it right away,” I said.
“Try exercising patience. You have a talent for nurturing things.”
“Do you mean raising Your Highness’s son?”
Nikolai’s pupils widened slightly before returning to their usual calm.
In a voice tinged with distant longing, he said,
“Yes. My son. You’re taking such good care of a child so precious that nothing else could replace him.”
“…”
“Thank you, Elizabeth.”
I thought I heard my heart drop.
My chest ached, and I lowered my gaze.
He’d said nothing more than a father naturally would, yet why did it feel as if I were tumbling down a thousand-foot cliff?
Even if my skin were torn and my bones crushed in a dark pit, I wouldn’t feel this lonely.
I had momentarily forgotten.
That Nikolai had once loved a woman enough to have a child.
“A father naturally cherishes his son and is grateful to the person teaching him. Why am I feeling so gloomy? Disappointed it wasn’t a ring, getting ahead of myself again?”
I was seriously deficient in romance.
I assigned too much meaning to small gestures and agonized over them alone.
I rejoiced with my entire body, then panicked like an abandoned child.
I wanted to forgive Nikolai, who had pressured me in such a selfish, stubborn way, and forced choices upon me.
I wanted to comfort him rather than blame him.
I told myself that since I had saved him with my own hands, I had a responsibility.
At the same time, I felt a small thrill in having saved the Emperor’s life.
A sense of victory that other women might never feel.
But…
Nikolai probably still hasn’t forgotten her.
Layla, who died six years ago.
No one knew who she really was, where she came from, what she looked like, or even her age. She didn’t exist in the original story.
Everything about Layla and young Franz’s birth had been kept secret.
The servants who cared for her and young Franz vanished like smoke.
Even I had spent thousands of gold coins just to uncover the name “Layla.”
Was she a beauty that could make the moon wane and flowers envy her? Did she have the same honey-colored blonde hair as Franz? What kind of woman was she…
For everyone, the first love is precious.
Even more so if that first love left behind a young son and departed this world.
Perhaps this was why, despite having many empresses, Nikolai never married—because of Layla.
Could his wandering from one person to another also be because of her?
Perhaps I am also just part of his wandering…
Breathing felt difficult.
Something lodged in my throat, neither melting nor swallowing, refusing to go down.
Was there anything more foolish and hopeless than being jealous of someone dead?
Knowing it was a battle I could never win.
“Your Highness’s son would have grown up well even without me. He’s honest, clever, though a bit awkward at expressing himself.”
I kept my tone as businesslike as possible.
Fortunately, Nikolai didn’t notice the depth of my defeat.
“I only hurt him,” he said.
“If that were really the case, Franz wouldn’t care for Your Highness at all.”
“Franz likes me…?”
His brow furrowed as if he’d swallowed something sour.
“Could it be that you didn’t know that either?”
How alike father and son could be.
Franz doubted his father’s trust; Nikolai doubted his son’s affection.
Neither could fully accept the sincerity of the only blood relative they had.
Was it because their love for each other ran too deep?
They constantly misunderstood, disappointed, and hesitated.
Wanting to look good, wanting to do well.
I wasn’t any different.
Who would have known I could stew in my own heart like this?
“You couldn’t have known—your highly-paid tutor fell ill.”
Nikolai smirked.
“Using the sick as an excuse is cowardly!” I shot back.
“You were the one secretly slipping in, citing special lessons and taking my meals!”
“Moving around like a little thief, you must see the world as all thieves, then.”
I hated incompetent and careless people the most.
Being treated that way was even worse.
I had struggled so hard between them!
Well, I had always prioritized keeping my own life safe, though!
“If you don’t want suspicion, watch your behavior.”
“What did I do?”
“Didn’t you visit your ex-fiancé’s house and some farm during your leave?”
Nikolai’s expression remained coldly emotionless.
Anger surged through me.
“I went to the Nettleton estate because of Susan. I was asking for a tonic for Franz!”
“…”
“And I purposely went when Douglas wasn’t there, worried someone narrow-minded might complain!”
I didn’t know why I was explaining myself, but I spoke without pausing to breathe.
“I met the farmer Boritz for the first time that day, too. That was also work-related.”
“Yet he seemed so kind?”
“Do you think he was as kind as Your Highness riding with the new Empress Mama?”
I threw the blanket over my head and turned away.
I didn’t want to show my face now.
It must have looked twisted in annoyance.
I shouldn’t have said the last part.
Did it sound like jealousy?
Ah, embarrassing.
“Elizabeth. Are you angry?”
“I’m not! Except for Your Highness treating my life-saving act like theft.”
It was uncomfortable to show unrestrained emotion.
Why did I keep getting flustered or snapping in front of Nikolai?
“In my hometown, there’s a saying: You save someone from drowning, and they demand your bundle!”
After a while of silence, Nikolai reached out and gently touched the rounded part of my shoulder.
“Elizabeth.”
His voice was both soothing and commanding, soft yet firm.
There was something strangely disarming about it.
Even someone who had vowed not to look back couldn’t help but glance at him.
“Look at me properly.”
“Don’t order me around.”
“Look.”
“Requests won’t work either.”
“You’re angry at your life-saver, huh? Seems I made a big mistake.”
It was a wry laugh mixed with a sigh.
I glared at him with eyes full of intent.
Nikolai fiddled with the corner of his mouth.
“Are you laughing now?”
“Sorry, I can’t help it. You’re too cute.”
He said it, then his eyes widened.
Not just that—his cheeks, even his earlobes, flushed bright red.
Shouldn’t I be the one blushing? Why is he the one turning red?
Seeing him embarrassed like a boy who’d made a huge mistake somehow gave me confidence.
“I’m cute, aren’t I? Enough for Your Highness to fall completely for me.”
“That’s not what I meant…”
“Do you mean I’m not cute? That you didn’t fall for me?”
“Not that either…”
Nikolai’s pupils trembled slightly.
Unlike his usual self, he trailed off and bit his dry lips nervously.
The normally confident and self-assured man looked utterly flustered, and I couldn’t help but enjoy the sight.
I wanted to tease him a little more. That much seemed fair.
“Just admit it. You were seduced by me, weren’t you?”
Oh! I’m really something, aren’t I?
For this moment, I felt like a true femme fatale, not just a lifelong solo, virtuous girl.
But Nikolai allowed no lapse, not even for a second.
“Would admitting it make me feel better?”
Muttering a question or talking to himself, he ran his five fingers down my forehead.
“…!”
A jolt ran through me, and I curled my toes.
Thump. Thump. Thump. My heart raced erratically.
I was too close to him.
His lips, his breath, all too near.
The tense pressure pressed down on my chest.
Nikolai, looking down at me, couldn’t resist the burning thirst.
The shadow cast by his black hair deepened his gaze.
Within that shadow, his eyes burned hotter.
The seductive femme fatale reverted back to a wide-eyed, innocent girl.
“Tell me, Elizabeth.”
His hand moved from my forehead to my brows, down the bridge of my nose, then back to my lips.
The warmth followed.
Was that thunder? Or a storm approaching?
My pulse thudded in my temples.
“Would declaring defeat make you feel some relief?”
He pressed down on me, staring as if to lick my lips.
Even as he radiated blatant desire, the hand tucking my hair behind my ear was incredibly gentle.
So I closed my eyes, pretending not to notice how close our lips were.
I waited for the flood of his breath.
For the heat that would tear reason away.
“…?”
But no kiss came.
Only the lingering silence deepened.
When I lifted my trembling lashes, Nikolai’s face had drifted away, cloudy and distant.
“I shall return now.”
My heart sank.
Had I made a mistake? Said something I shouldn’t?
I wanted to ask, but no words came.
Nikolai’s expression was resolute.
It seemed futile to ask anything.
“Do not hold your heart in the harem. Do not be curious. There is no woman there worth your attention.”
Leaving these cryptic words, Nikolai departed.
Under the moonlight, I curled up again.
A vague fear and sense of defeat became a reality, swallowing me whole.
That woman must remain in your heart. An existence so immense that guilt forces you to leave forever.
I recovered perfectly.
I went to the Crown Prince’s palace as if nothing had happened.
I could have rested a few more days, but being alone would only make me think of Nikolai too often, and that would be painful.
“I have a get-well gift for you.”
Franz spoke suddenly.
I frowned while helping him with his math homework.
“When did I even get better?”
“No excuses. Just take it. Do you think receiving a gift from the Crown Prince is easy?”
“Thanks, then. I could sell it for a high price.”
“Not so easy—it’s a painting.”
Franz handed me a canvas wrapped in blue paper with a brown ribbon.
“I finished it last night.”
“Thank you, Franz.”
“If you don’t like it, you can throw it away.”
Though he said that, he looked tense, worried I might not like it.
Lately, the little tyrant who chattered nonstop had begun to seem endearing.
Franz didn’t allow my mind to wander.
That alone made me grateful.
“I painted it thinking of you, Elizabeth.”
“A portrait?”
“…Something like it.”
I hurried to unwrap the package.
Several portraits of the original Elizabeth hung in the Emster mansion.
They displayed Elizabeth’s vanity and desire to show off—grand and luxurious.
I wanted a real portrait of myself, too.
Though I had given up after realizing sitting still for hours would be unbearable.
If it’s Franz’s skill, it should be a beautiful portrait.
But my expectations shattered the moment my eyes landed on the canvas.
