WTFUDLS 25

Chapter 25

Noeul often overinterprets other people’s words or actions. Because she knows this about herself, she never acts hastily until the other person makes their intentions clear. For example, she would never suddenly blurt out, “You don’t like me because I’m ugly, right? Right?”

Back in high school, when a girl who’d been paired with Noeul as a seatmate suddenly looked sick, burst into tears in the middle of class, and wouldn’t return Noeul’s greeting, Noeul didn’t complain. She didn’t snap, Are you showing it because you’re upset to be paired with an ugly guy? She just pretended not to know why. In truth, she really didn’t know—because the girl never explained.

Knowing the hidden reason behind someone’s behavior isn’t always a blessing. When someone says a, sometimes it’s best to just take it as a. Wondering if there’s a hidden b, asking yourself Why do I think it’s b? Am I the cause? Is there another cause? Then why say a—could it really be a? But I’m sure it’s b…—those thoughts are exhausting.

Besides, even if you conclude it’s actually b, nothing changes. If you say, “You’re really thinking b, aren’t you?” and the other person replies, “No, I really mean a. Why would you think b? Do you have a complex or something?”—Noeul would have nothing to say. So whether the truth is a, b, or even c, she has to act as if it’s a.

Even now, Noeul tried not to believe that Ji-woo was avoiding her. The last time they met, things had been fine. (Not that Noeul had done anything special.) Looking back carefully, she couldn’t think of a single thing she’d done wrong. Ji-woo wasn’t outright ignoring her or getting angry. When they were with others, Ji-woo still chatted with her as if nothing were wrong.

So to outsiders, nothing seemed amiss. If Noeul were a little less perceptive, she might not have noticed anything either. But unfortunately, Noeul was too perceptive, and she could feel it—Ji-woo was avoiding her. Unless she could numb half her senses, she couldn’t stop feeling it.

Ji-woo would be laughing, but the moment she saw Noeul, the smile slipped from her face. Then she’d fidget awkwardly and soon excuse herself and leave. Maybe something urgent came up. Maybe she’s not feeling well. Maybe I’m just oversensitive. Friends can be like that sometimes… Noeul told herself these things—once, twice.

But each time Ji-woo’s avoidance became obvious, something inside Noeul collapsed like a landslide.

Once that happened, she couldn’t control her thoughts. Her mind spun wildly, asking why Ji-woo was avoiding her, why Ji-woo suddenly disliked her.

Women disliking Noeul was nothing new. But until now Ji-woo had never disliked her. So why suddenly now? The only change was that Ji-woo had started seeing Jun-gi. Had Noeul forced them together too much? If that were the case, Ji-woo and Jun-gi were getting along far better than before. Maybe Jun-gi said something about her? Did Ji-woo hear it and start to hate her?

Or had spending time with Jun-gi given Ji-woo a reality check? It’s so fun hanging out with a handsome guy—why was I wasting time with someone like Han Noeul? Or had she used Noeul from the start to get close to Jun-gi, knowing that approaching him directly would make her seem boy-crazy? Pretending to like Noeul would make her look like someone who didn’t care about appearances. And now that she’d achieved her goal, did she simply not need Noeul anymore?

Noeul replayed Ji-woo’s old attitude toward her.

…Had it all been fake? Was there always another motive? Could Ji-woo really be that calculating? Maybe Noeul had thought she understood Ji-woo too easily. People can always be hiding something. If Ji-woo had been using her, how easy she must have seemed. It’s so simple to use someone with a complex about their looks, Ji-woo might have thought.

Even if Ji-woo had no ulterior motive, she had certainly treated Noeul like a toy. Maybe she’d always cycled through toys—this one, then that one—tossing them aside as soon as she lost interest.

For once, Noeul didn’t sneer, That’s just how pretty people are. She didn’t even try to rationalize, As long as she never noticed my feelings, nothing really happened. She realized she’d trusted Ji-woo more than she’d thought.

Noeul had lost to Ji-woo.
Noeul had been hurt by Ji-woo.

…What about Han-sol? Was Han-sol genuine toward her? Even in this moment, Noeul somehow believed Han-sol was. But what if not? Was Noeul really the only person Han-sol clicked with? What if someone else came along who meshed just as well—someone who wasn’t necessarily handsome but at least wouldn’t make Han-sol feel embarrassed to be seen together, someone who wouldn’t require steeling oneself with thoughts like Noeul’s a good person; don’t be ashamed?

Would Han-sol drift to that person too? Not because she was cruel, but because anyone might. Noeul herself couldn’t think of a reason for someone to stay by her side.

Would she be able to stay composed if that happened? Could she accept people coming and going from her life the way travelers pass through a station? Even if her heart couldn’t accept it, could she at least pretend?

Right now Noeul felt terribly fragile. She needed time to recover. But for the moment… it felt impossible. She wasn’t even sure her own senses and judgments were reliable. She had no strength to take any stance.

Noeul needed time.

[Hansol: where r u]
[Noeul: ah I’m home]
[Hansol: ?? When are you coming]
[Noeul: I’m not going today. Just tired…]
[Hansol: Sick? Or just off?]
[Noeul: the latter]
[Hansol: hmm… I see…]
[Noeul: sorry for not saying earlier… just woke up]
[Hansol: it’s fine, think you’ll feel better after some rest?]
[Noeul: yeah, it’s nothing serious]
[Hansol: okay, rest well]
[Noeul: yeah… have fun]

Hansol set her phone on the table and looked around. The side dishes had just arrived and everyone was passing around glasses of soju. Suddenly her interest in the gathering faded.

…Maybe I shouldn’t have come either.

She decided to leave after the first round and maybe call Noeul on the way home to check on her.

Noeul almost never skipped drinking sessions because she wasn’t feeling well, and she rarely claimed to be under the weather at all. Not that she always had to be full of energy, but Hansol sensed that the reason she stayed home wasn’t unrelated to her recent mood.

Hansol had been a little worried ever since Noeul arranged for Ji-woo to meet Jun-gi. It was obvious Noeul was forcing herself, convincing herself it was fine.

Hansol often wondered if there was ever a clear right or wrong in people’s thoughts and feelings. Still, she could empathize. If she were in Noeul’s position, she might have felt the same—or even more strongly.

Even so, Hansol had believed Noeul would endure it. It would hurt, sure, but with time she’d be okay. She thought Noeul was tough enough for that.

But then, for some reason, Ji-woo started avoiding both Noeul and Hansol.

Once, when Ji-woo spotted them in the hallway and abruptly walked away, Hansol almost asked Noeul, Where’s Ji-woo going? But Noeul’s expression was so dark that Hansol wondered if something had happened between them, and kept quiet.

Later Hansol texted Ji-woo something roundabout like, Been busy? Haven’t seen you lately. Ji-woo replied vaguely: Yeah, true ㅠㅜ we still need to grab bingsu, the three of us.

Every time Ji-woo avoided them, Hansol could see Noeul’s face stiffen. Then Noeul would fall silent, probably afraid that speaking would reveal her feelings. Normally Noeul never showed when she was upset, but now it was obvious. It looked like she was barely holding herself together.

Yet when Hansol asked what was wrong, Noeul only said she was tired from lack of sleep or buried in assignments, never giving a real reason.

Hansol felt hurt. Wasn’t pretending to be okay something Noeul only did in front of others? Why even with Hansol? Was it something she had to hide even from her?

Each time it happened, Hansol felt a wall between them. She told herself, Of course she can have things she wants to keep to herself; we don’t have to share everything. But she couldn’t help feeling sad. She’d thought she was inside Noeul’s fence, but maybe she was just another outsider.

When she imagined Noeul secretly thinking, Pretty girls can’t understand me. How could I really be friends with a pretty girl? Hansol felt a sudden flash of irritation. What, you think being plain is some kind of virtue? If you’d been born pretty you’d act the same. You’re no different, she wanted to say.

Thinking like that, Hansol sometimes got angry over things Noeul hadn’t even done.

She sighed softly and poured herself another shot of soju.

That’s when she noticed Ji-woo at the far end of the table, with Jun-gi seated across from her. Ji-woo’s face was flushed with alcohol as she giggled. Then she stood, saying she was stepping out for a moment.

Hansol watched as Ji-woo left the restaurant.

“……”

After a brief hesitation, Hansol rose and followed her.

Ji-woo sat absent-mindedly on a bench outside. Unlike moments before, when she’d been laughing, she now looked a little down.

Hansol sat beside her. Sensing someone there, Ji-woo turned, then broke into a bright smile when she saw Hansol.

“Han-sol~ having fun?” Ji-woo asked.

“Just okay. You?”

“Me too, just okay. Did you drink a lot?”

“About a bottle, maybe.”

“Wow, you can really hold your liquor.”

Hansol chuckled.
“Drink with me then.”

Ji-woo giggled.

“Is Noeul here?”

“No.”

“Why not? She said she’d come.”

“Not feeling well.”

“Really? Is it serious?”

“No, just… not up for drinking, I think.”

“Hmm…”

Ji-woo nodded, looking concerned.

“I don’t think it’s anything to worry about.”

“Good. …Wouldn’t she like it if you sent her a message or some porridge or something?”

Hansol felt something odd. Why you send it, not I?

“You send it.”

“Well… I could, but wouldn’t she prefer it from you?”

“…Why?”

“…No reason…”

Ji-woo trailed off.

Was there really something between Ji-woo and Noeul?

Hansol hesitated. Maybe she shouldn’t pry into something between the two of them, yet curiosity burned.

“Did something happen between you and Noeul?”

“…Me and Noeul?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh? No? Nothing. Why?”

…Nothing? Ji-woo didn’t look like she was hiding anything.

Then why were things like this?

“Maybe it’s just me, but… lately it seems like you’ve been avoiding us. Not that anything happened between you and me, but I wondered if you and Noeul fought or something.”

Ji-woo blinked, then suddenly started laughing.

“Ah… no. Seriously… Hey, Han-sol.”

Ji-woo suddenly called her name loudly, like a teacher about to scold a student.

Hansol looked at her.

“Why are you so clueless?”

“…Huh?”

Caught off guard, Hansol stared back.

Ji-woo gave her the kind of look an upperclassman might give a clueless freshman.

“You… you know… oh, forget it. This isn’t something someone else should spell out.”

“……?”

Hansol blinked, feeling like an idiot.

Was there something only she didn’t know? What was it?