WTFUDLS 15

Chapter 15

“……”

Hansol stood with her back turned, facing the stone wall. It looked like she was wiping away tears with her hand.

Noeul stood a few steps behind her.

The moment Noeul saw Hansol’s face twist inside the shop, she realized something.

She hadn’t been thinking of Hansol as a person.

You’re pretty, so you’re fine, right? You’re pretty, so you can make as many friends as you want, right? You’re pretty, so losing a friend like me doesn’t matter, right? You’re pretty, so you don’t need to confide in me. You’re pretty, so it doesn’t matter if I suddenly ignore you. You’re pretty, so you won’t get hurt. You’re pretty. You’re pretty.

…But there’s no such person in the world. When someone you were close to suddenly turns cold, you get hurt. When you want to apologize but can’t, it eats at you. When a friend drifts away and there’s nothing you can do, it tears you up inside.

Noeul herself felt her heart drop even if someone’s tone changed just slightly. And yet she’d assumed Hansol would be fine. She’d thought if you were pretty and good-looking, everything would be okay. She’d thought only people like her got hurt. Maybe it was resentment. You’re pretty, so give that up. Why do you get to have everything? That’s not fair. It’s not fair to me….

Noeul felt deeply ashamed of how petty she’d been. She’d been so busy staring at the thorn stuck in her own finger that she hadn’t realized she was driving a nail into someone else’s chest.

This was entirely Noeul’s fault. She had to apologize, no matter what. Even if she got hurt in the process. That didn’t matter. She needed to ease Hansol’s heart first.

Noeul made some noise and stepped toward her.

Just then, Hansol, who had been sniffling, suddenly turned around.

Noeul froze.

It seemed like Hansol had stopped crying, but her eyes were red and bloodshot. Her lips trembled like she might burst into tears again at any moment.

Noeul’s heart ached. She couldn’t tell whether it hurt because she felt sorry or because Hansol looked devastatingly cute. Maybe it was both.

Looking at Hansol’s face made Noeul feel like laughing. But it didn’t seem like a situation where she should laugh, so she held it in.

Hansol opened her mouth.

“I’m sorry…”

And then she started crying again.

Noeul couldn’t believe that such a pretty girl was crying because of her. Did she really have that kind of power?

The ugly Noeul had made the pretty Hansol cry. Somehow, that thought didn’t feel as bad as it should have.

In fact, it didn’t feel bad at all.

She was happy.

She was happy that Hansol was crying. Grateful that she was crying. It felt like the hard knot inside Noeul’s heart was melting with Hansol’s tears.

Noeul thought it was childish to feel proud in a moment like this. But even that couldn’t suppress her happiness.

Still, she felt sorry toward Hansol. When a pretty girl cries, it somehow feels like you’ve committed an even greater sin.

Noeul stepped closer.

“Hey, what are you sorry for? I’m the one who should be sorry…”

Hearing that, Hansol cried even harder.

How could someone cry like that—like “bwaaah”?

Noeul barely held back a laugh.

Hansol spoke between sobs.

“I… that day… you were only looking at Jiwoo… I mean, it makes sense that you’d look at Jiwoo… but still… it just hurt my feelings for no reason… and the fact that I’m… less pretty than Jiwoo… suddenly turned into anger in my head… and my pride got hurt…”

Noeul blinked.

Less pretty than Jiwoo?

She had never thought that.

Sure, Noeul felt more attracted to Jiwoo. But that wasn’t because Jiwoo was better-looking than Hansol. It was more about her personality, the way she talked, the way she acted—everything together. Purely in terms of looks, Hansol wasn’t any less pretty than Jiwoo.

Noeul was surprised that even someone this pretty had thoughts like that. And the fact that it wasn’t some handsome guy like Jungi, but Noeul—who had only been looking at Jiwoo—that hurt her pride… It was strangely flattering and absurd at the same time.

Pretty people are worse, huh.

Noeul said,

“Hey, what are you talking about? I’ve never once thought Jiwoo was prettier than you. I just—”

“Then why were you only looking at Jiwoo? That doesn’t add up.”

Hansol shot back sharply.

Noeul was at a loss for words. It seemed Hansol’s pride had been hurt more than she thought.

“…Well… that’s because I’m interested in Jiwoo…”

“If I were prettier than Jiwoo, you would’ve been interested in me from the start.”

“……”

…Was that true?

Noeul wasn’t sure how to respond.

Hansol suddenly shook her head.

“No. I’m sorry. I acted bratty toward you and now I’m doing it again. Ugh… I wasn’t like this before. Why am I like this? Sorry.”

“…No. I get what you mean.”

And she meant it. Noeul felt like she understood Hansol’s feelings all too well.

Hansol continued,

“Anyway… that’s why. I just wanted to snap at you. Say mean things. I wanted to hear that I’m prettier than Jiwoo… but even I thought that was too childish to say out loud…”

“I’m like that a lot too. I don’t want to say it myself. I want people to just notice on their own. And I know it’s greedy to expect that. But I still get upset when they don’t… Everyone’s like that.”

Hansol listened quietly, then said,

“I still shouldn’t have said that. When you told me it was cruel—when you said how could I say that knowing how you’d feel—that’s when I snapped out of it. I realized what I’d been saying. I was really… really sorry.”

“…It wasn’t even that harsh. I could’ve brushed it off as a joke. I just got too angry.”

Hansol shook her head hard.

“No. I was worse. After you left, I kept thinking about what I said, how you reacted, how you must’ve felt. It made me miserable. I kept thinking, why did I do that? I felt so pathetic. I wanted to run after you immediately, grab you, cry and apologize…”

Her voice wavered again.

Noeul felt like her heart was melting. As if she’d never been hurt in the first place. Like her heart was becoming new.

She had scolded herself—why are you getting hurt over something like that? Why do you expect things and then get disappointed? Why can’t you control your emotions yet?

But when someone tells you it’s not foolish, that it was natural to get hurt, that they’re sorry…

It makes you want to cry.

So I wasn’t pathetic. I got hurt because it was something that would hurt. And realizing that made her feel sorry toward herself, too—for not acknowledging her own wound and only scolding herself.

Hansol said,

“Maybe I wanted to hurt you as much as I was hurt. I’m sorry… I’m sorry for being mean…”

Noeul felt grateful.

“I’m sorry too. After I got angry that one time… I got scared. It felt like I was too controlled by my emotions. I worried, what if I do this again? People would say I’m just an ugly person being bitter and jealous. I really don’t want to become that kind of person… So I thought I should just close myself off. Hide everything. I think that’s why I acted like that toward you.”

Tears welled up in Hansol’s eyes again.

“Waaah…”

“Hey, don’t cry.”

“I’m sorrryyyy.”

She burst into tears again.

This time, Noeul couldn’t hold back her laughter.

She wanted to comfort Hansol. Hug her. Pat her shoulder. But she didn’t have the courage. So she just waited until Hansol cried it out.

When she seemed calmer, Noeul spoke again.

“I’m… actually… really timid. Really sensitive. Anyway, yeah. But having this face and that kind of personality—it’s kind of ridiculous, right? And if an ugly person is like that… you can’t survive. So I try to act numb on purpose. Pretend to be overly chill so I don’t get hurt. I guess this time I was so focused on that I didn’t think about you getting hurt. I just thought… you’re pretty, so you probably don’t get hurt much. Someone like me wouldn’t affect you.”

“What do you mean ‘don’t get hurt’? I was seriously, seriously miserable. I thought, she got hurt by me and now she doesn’t want to be friends at all. I lost a friend because I couldn’t control my mouth. I felt so sorry and so pathetic. That’s why I started crying.”

Hansol spoke passionately, clearly still emotional.

Noeul laughed.

Hansol laughed too.

“I’m sorry. That was really wrong of me.”

“…I’m sorry too. I was the one who said something wrong first…”

“It wasn’t that harsh…”

“No, it was. If someone said that to me, I would’ve cursed them out on the spot.”

Hearing Hansol swear made it feel like things were truly okay again.

Noeul giggled.

Then Hansol stepped closer and rested her forehead on Noeul’s shoulder.

Noeul’s gaze wavered.

Hansol leaned against her and said,

“Let’s just be honest from now on. This was really hard.”

“…Yeah.”

Hansol lifted her head.

“Let’s go.”

“…Okay.”

“Ah, this is so embarrassing. Why did I cry like that? It’s your fault.”

She lightly punched Noeul’s arm.

“You were bawling and apologizing two seconds ago. What are you, crazy?”

Hansol burst out laughing and walked back toward the shop.

Noeul followed.

From afar, Hansol waved.

Noeul waved back.

Hansol walked over with a smile, her short bob swaying with each step. Her long legs and toned thighs made her shorts look good.

Since it was the first time seeing her after that incident, Noeul felt strange. A bit awkward, a little fluttery, even happier than before.

Feeling shy, Noeul looked at the lawn and the sky instead of at Hansol.

They walked toward the library.

“Hey, listen.”

Hansol poked Noeul’s arm with her elbow.

“Number one. …Come out, bamboo-copter!”

Noeul stared at her, eyes wide.

Hansol looked completely serious.

“…What are you doing?”

“Number two. …Woooow~ pretty lady! Director, please buy me an Action Mask!”

“……”

“Number three. …Heeey, Rascal~ hitting is bad~ Pororo~ I’m Bonobono~.”

“……”

“Number four. …Ahahahaha! Boss! Mr. Krabs!”

“……”

“Which one sounds the most alike?”

“……”

“Huh? Hurry. Which one’s closest?”

“…Did you give up on Angemon?”

“I’m developing a new one.”

…Why are you so serious?

After thinking for a moment, Noeul said,

“…Number three?”

“Okay.”

…Okay what?

Noeul glanced at her.

“Waa~ a clam~ Pororo~ wanna eat a clam~?”

“Don’t just do it suddenly. Give me a warning.”

“Ahahaha!”

Hansol hit Noeul’s arm while laughing.

Noeul laughed too, dumbfounded.

Then Hansol grabbed Noeul’s elbow.

“Hey, before we go to the library, let’s grab some bubble tea.”

“Oh—okay.”

Still holding her elbow, Hansol led her toward the café next to the library.

Her slender fingers wrapped around Noeul’s arm. She wasn’t really gripping—just lightly resting there.

Noeul’s thoughts spiraled.

Do male and female friends usually hold arms like this? It’s not holding hands, so maybe it’s fine… But she doesn’t need to hold me. I know the way. Is it just friendliness? Girls link arms all the time. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything. She’s not even holding tightly. It’s more like resting, or nudging. Yeah. Don’t overthink it.

…Or am I being too defensive again? What, does that mean Hansol likes me? No, that’s ridiculous. But is she the type to confuse people like this? Or maybe I’m the only one confused. Maybe among people who have lots of opposite-sex friends, this means nothing. …Damn, if only I had female friends to ask. Who do you even ask about this without getting teased for a whole semester?

By the time Noeul finished overthinking, their drinks were ready.

They left the café.

Suddenly, rain poured down.

“Didn’t they say it’d be a localized shower? It’s coming down this hard?”

Hansol rummaged through her bag and pulled out an umbrella.

Noeul opened hers too.

Hansol looked at it and said,

“What is that? Did you steal a parasol from somewhere? Nice. Let’s share.”

Before Noeul could respond, Hansol slipped under her umbrella.

W-what?

“…You have an umbrella.”

“Ugh, it’s annoying to open. Let’s go.”