Chapter 119
“How to Confirm the Heart”
A white robe walking down the dark corridor stopped.
It had only been a day since that night. What was the knight’s state now?
Three days.
That was usually the right timing.
The sense of loss over what had been taken — it peaked around then.
Ironically, the knights’ patterns were always the same.
The first day, they were stunned and couldn’t accept reality.
The second day, they struggled restlessly, trying to do something, anything.
And by the third day, they finally understood their reality and sank into despair.
When someone loses what matters most, they become desperate.
The more they relied on it, the more so.
And when a hand is offered, they can’t help but take it.
“Such weak creatures.”
So weak. Even Aron Dessein, a knight of the Imperial Order, had been so easy to sway.
A few words about the people around him, and he quickly agreed to a contract.
Stealing his strength was just as easy.
Inside the borrowed space, all it took was to twist the path of his sword aura.
It was like a summoned beast losing control to its master.
Every time a knight looked like a powerless summon, having their aura stolen, it was laughable.
Closing the door of that space required a fair amount of power… but compared to the result, it was nothing.
The strength the royal family and knights relied on was fragile, incomplete, unworthy.
And yet, the treatment they received was far too much.
Under the hood, the lips of the robe curved in a sneer.
The moment I saw Roitz, I grabbed him.
“I have something to tell you.”
“Are you alright, Serdin? Rest first, tomorrow we can—”
“No. I’ll say it now.”
I spoke firmly.
When I gestured toward the room, Roitz hesitated briefly, then followed me inside.
I sat on the bed and turned to him.
There was much to say.
When exactly I lost my Flame Aura, and about the new aura that had appeared on the battlefield.
But… that wasn’t really what I wanted to say most.
I stared at Roitz’s face.
There were only a few steps of distance between us.
“What did you call me earlier?”
“What do you mean?”
“When you called me in the hall.”
“I said senior.”
Roitz nodded, arms crossed, leaning by the door.
His face turned slightly aside, and I caught the faintest smile.
“Why?”
“Nothing… it’s just been a long time since I heard that. No—come to think of it, you also called me that during the fight.”
For years, that’s what I had called him. Senior.
But ever since he became commander, I had always addressed him formally as Commander.
Truthfully though, in my head, I didn’t call him either. I just thought of him simply as Roitz.
“So. What is it you wanted to say?”
“Well…”
I patted the space beside me for him to sit.
But instead, Roitz wandered the room — touching the iron ornaments on the brick wall, lifting the sofa’s fabric, pacing like someone inspecting things.
Not like him at all. Restless.
“Anyway… I wanted to—”
I stopped.
It was hard to focus when he walked around like that.
As he passed in front of me, I lost patience and grabbed his arm, tugging him down to sit.
“Just sit—”
But my action led to something entirely different.
“….”
In an instant, Roitz was on top of me.
Hot breath brushed my lips.
His knee pressed between mine.
My wrist was pinned lightly beneath his large hand against the bed.
I froze.
Roitz didn’t move away. He only looked down at me.
Silence lingered, waiting for someone to speak first.
His hand circled my wrist, but pressed no weight. I could pull free anytime.
But I didn’t.
I didn’t tell him to move away.
He could get up anytime on his own, walk away like he always did before.
But this time, he didn’t. He gave me the choice.
And if I had the choice… I didn’t want to push him away.
I held his gaze.
“Serdin.”
His voice was low, close.
In the dim light, his expression looked troubled, conflicted.
“What are you doing? You should push me away.”
“I don’t want to.”
Roitz’s face stiffened in surprise.
He must have expected me to tell him to get up, to move. Not this.
“Don’t want to? If an enemy did this, you’d just let them?”
“You’re not my enemy. Is this training?”
“…Yes. Training. So push me away.”
“Still no.”
Maybe Roitz really thought this was training. But I didn’t.
My feelings had changed everything.
Even this moment wasn’t training.
I wasn’t seeing a sparring partner. I was seeing Roitz.
Not my body’s movements — my heart’s beat.
Strange impulses stirred. A desire just to stay here like this, looking at him.
“…If you keep this up, Serdin, I won’t be able to stop myself.”
His grip tightened faintly.
Suddenly, I became aware of everything — my clothes, my damp hair, the heat on my cheeks, my racing heart.
“What do you mean… you won’t stop yourself?”
I swallowed dryly.
I was already strange, my body burning, heart pounding.
But I had said I wouldn’t push him away.
I couldn’t go back on my word.
So I just stared at him stubbornly.
“….”
But time passed, and Roitz’s face reddened, his body hotter.
“…..!”
Heat overflowed, suffocating. I had to bolt upright at last.
‘What is this—like that old fable where the sun beat the wind by sheer warmth?’
Was that what he meant by not being able to stop?
Panting by the window, I glanced back at him.
“Haah… haah…”
So this was a commander’s level of skill? Too much.
And I had lost — again.
Still, I realized something.
The more feelings I had for Roitz, the harder my duties would be.
Even just his gaze over me on the bed froze my thoughts, made my mind unravel.
‘The only way to end this is to let go of these feelings.’
But how?
I had never liked someone before. I didn’t know how to stop.
Then I remembered something I had once heard.
“To be sure if you really like someone, imagine kissing them.
If it feels strange, then it isn’t real.”
I tried. It did feel strange.
‘Alright. Let’s do it properly. Maybe I can end these feelings.’
I turned back toward Roitz.
“Commander.”
I looked at him directly and tried to imagine it.
But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t picture it clearly.
“Why are you staring like that?”
Seeing my serious face, Roitz touched his own.
Why couldn’t I?
Was it because I didn’t like him? Or just lack of imagination?
More likely the second. I had never seen Roitz kiss anyone. How could I picture it?
Meanwhile, his face was growing redder. He must have been hot too.
“…What.”
He answered without looking at me.
“I have a request.”
“…What is it.”
“Don’t take it the wrong way. I just want to confirm something.”
“Say it.”
“…Could you stick out your lips once?”
“……?”
Roitz’s pupils trembled.
