Chapter 28
“They said that any case involving a Hunter automatically goes to the Association.”
“What? No — isn’t it the police who started handling Hunters unless the suspect is a wanted villain because the Association was overloaded…? That’s why the police began recruiting Hunters about four years ago.”
“The first time I tried to report was about twelve years ago.”
“Ah…”
“I know the Association changed a lot once a new chairman came in. But the Association from the time when I was desperately asking for help—”
Just thinking about it made her throat tighten; those memories were horrible, and she couldn’t bring herself to speak more.
Yet having told even a little to her made him feel oddly lighter, as if some burden had been lifted.
“So that’s why you lived on the streets with Sihoo…?”
“There was no one I could trust. The government, the Association, the system — none of them. So, even though I knew that would hurt that little boy…”
Ah… maybe he’d already fallen apart back at Seoul Station.
“But you showed up.”
From the moment she appeared in that life-or-death crisis, his exhausted heart started leaning on her. Still, he had tried to hold onto reason and deny those feelings — but the confirmation came in the scavenger guild den and everything fell into place.
“All I wanted was for him to join the guild…”
“That’s because of Kang Suho…?”
“Because he’ll awaken?”
He said it as if that was the reason, but the words made Kang Suho chuckle.
It was a laugh that had come after a long time — self-mocking, but still a laugh.
“When is that awakening supposed to happen?”
“That is…”
“Whether it’s next week, next month, next year, or ten years from now — you don’t know, right?”
“…”
“Who in the world would make such a hopeless investment?”
Honestly, he couldn’t shake the thought that the whole “he’ll awaken” story might be something she’d invented. She’d been unnecessarily earnest and in the heat of the moment he’d agreed to the guild membership, but the more he thought about it, the weirder it seemed.
“Why are you doing all this for me?”
She saved his life, treated his little brother kindly, gave them a place to live. She made him think the world might be bearable again, let him dare to hope for a future. Why?
“Um… just because?”
That air of casual certainty made him want to try trusting someone.
“There is no such thing as kindness without a reason.”
After he said that, his heart pounded wildly and his palms got sweaty. He was afraid of what answer would come.
If it turned out that everything was just a sandcastle again, and he found out it was all meaningless, he’d truly collapse this time. But unable to help himself, he waited silently for her response.
Saebyeok couldn’t immediately answer his question.
Kindness without reason.
She knew better than anyone how terrifying that sometimes felt. In her previous life, Kang Suho had been like this in the beginning — he hated receiving help. It wasn’t pride; whenever someone helped him he felt compelled, obsessively, to repay it somehow.
It was only after fighting through countless battlefields and coming back from death dozens of times — when the lines of debt and repayment blurred — that he seemed to give up. Or rather, he came to understand that sometimes such relationships exist. Someone who has experienced receiving love knows how to give it back.
Although Saebyeok’s parents had died early, she grew up with affectionate parents. Her younger sibling was incredibly disobedient, but fundamentally cared for her. She had reliable comrades and friends with whom she could open her heart. So when everything was stripped away and she was thrown into a world where none of that remained, she gradually began to understand, a little, Kang Suho’s past.
The feeling of being the only one left in the world. The terror that comes from that indescribable loneliness. A brutal emptiness that leads not just to despair but to disgust with the world. In her case, humanity didn’t even exist, so she could at least resign herself sooner; Kang Suho hadn’t had that luxury.
All his life he must have unconsciously hoped, “at least one of them” among the countless humans around him might be someone he could rely on. To live expecting that and yet to distrust humans rather than monsters — how lonely must that life have been?
When she imagined him taking catnaps on the street to be ready to fight at a moment’s notice, she pictured how much he must have suffered. When she imagined him resorting to cooking monsters because he couldn’t find food, she understood the hatred he must have felt toward those living ordinary, comfortable lives. She’d heard somewhere that humans fundamentally want recognition and bonds with others. But he had no place to lean on, no one to trust, not even someone to share a beer with.
Although not to the same extremes as in her previous life, the current Kang Suho had shut himself away in distrust and doubt.
What could she say to him?
After moving her lips for a long time, Saebyeok finally spoke.
“It’s not kindness without a reason.”
She barely managed to say it. There was so much more she couldn’t tell.
‘Your brother’s presence was my permission to live.’
Those memories from the place where she’d lost everything were too cruel to give to him.
‘Hunters were disgusting, the police incompetent, and the world heartless.’
How could she explain the repeated moments when, just when she thought there was no lower hell to fall into, an even more vicious abyss would reappear and drag her down? The truth was, the “kindness without a reason” he talked about had already been paid for — in full — back then.
‘If only one of us could live, it should be you.’
‘Are you crazy? Live together or die together!’
I saved you only twice, but you saved me dozens of times over.
‘Cut the crap. Don’t spout lines like it’s all over!’
‘You know there’s no choice. Being stubborn won’t help.’
I hated the world, but I helped the one who wanted to save it without question.
‘Make choices, don’t give up! I won’t give up, I can’t!’
‘It’s not not-giving-up. It’s a gamble.’
‘What?’
‘I’m betting everything on you.’
What got me through that hell was the fragile but intense hope you planted in me.
‘All in.’
‘Kang Suho!!!’
That’s why I can’t let go of your hand.
“Kang Suho, you seem to have a pretty rosy view of me, but I have my own schemes. I have dark plans I can’t tell you about.” Even if, like you, I had to throw myself into <destruction>…
“But promise me this one thing: even if I have schemes, I will never betray you. I swear it.”
How could she possibly say, with any audacity, that she would never turn her back on him?
Thus, Saebyeok ultimately managed to completely break down Kang Suho’s resistance.
