~Chapter 94~
Eric looked back at me, his face showing surprise at my unexpected question.
I continued.
“Eric, you always seemed to respect my wishes before. That’s why I’m curious—what made you suddenly change your mind and decide to join this project?”
Even though I had grown more willing to live compared to before, I thought he must have his own reasons. Some reason that made him want to save me.
Eric silently gazed at me for a moment, then turned his eyes back to the sky.
Looking at the clouds drifting softly above, he began to speak.
“As a Holy Knight, I’ve witnessed death many times. Because of that, death never felt far from human life. Instead, it made me think about things like human dignity when facing death.”
“……”
“So… at first, I believed I should respect your decision to accept things as they were. Honestly, I thought Albert was overreacting.”
He hesitated, lowered his gaze, and after a pause, continued.
“But then… I kept thinking about you.”
“…What?”
I blinked at him, my eyebrows twitching. Wait—did I hear that right?
Eric… kept thinking about me?
Somewhat awkwardly, he went on.
“After our travels, no matter what I was doing, thoughts of you kept coming back. Whether I was eating, or washing, it didn’t matter.”
“……”
“I even joined training sessions, though it was supposed to be my sabbatical year, just to try to stop thinking of you. But the harder I trained, the more my head filled with you.”
“……”
“So… in the end, I decided to follow my heart.”
My mouth fell open.
In his answer, I saw something familiar.
It was the same as me… how I used to find myself thinking of Fabian in everyday life.
“Truth is, I still don’t know the reason. Why I keep thinking of you, day and night… why you’re always in my mind.”
At last, Eric turned his eyes back to me, grinning as his bangs stirred in the wind.
“Perhaps… My Lady, do you know why my heart is acting this way?”
“Sigh…”
Late at night, I let out a long breath.
Even though I was exhausted from exercising during the day, Eric’s words kept replaying in my head, making it impossible to sleep.
I thought once the “Save Irene Project” began in earnest, I’d put aside personal feelings for a while.
But now, Eric Hedderson was the one stirring up my heart.
[“Ever since our travels, I keep thinking of you, no matter what I do. Whether I’m eating or washing…”]
[“Perhaps… My Lady, do you know why my heart is acting this way?”]
I knew the answer to his question. Yes—he liked me.
Because I had once felt the same toward Fabian Alfonso.
There had been a time when I couldn’t focus on anything in daily life because I was always thinking of him.
While eating, while bathing, even when having tea with someone—Fabian’s face would always come to mind.
‘It’s clear when you’re an outsider looking in…’
Like in dramas or novels—where the viewers can see it’s love, but the main characters themselves don’t realize it.
So that meant… yes, I was in love with Fabian.
‘I feel sorry for Eric, but thanks to him, I understand my own heart more clearly now…’
“What are you doing?”
“Ah!”
A sudden voice startled me, and I cried out.
Turning around, I saw Fabian standing there, arms crossed.
“What! You scared me. How long have you been standing there…?”
But then I realized something.
Once again, I had been unconsciously touching the ring.
“Ah. I must’ve slipped again. Sorry.”
“…Fine. Then I’ll go.”
“Fabian.”
He was about to coldly walk away again, but I stopped him.
“Can I ask you one thing? Do you really dislike me that much?”
Was it Eric softening my heart?
Or maybe it was just the late night, when emotions always grew stronger.
Either way, I ended up bringing out words I hadn’t said in a long time.
‘Well, whatever. Fabian can’t walk away from me anyway.’
He was part of the project, even acting as my coach.
And he wasn’t the type of man to throw away his responsibilities.
So I decided to be shameless about it.
Fabian let out a faint sigh, then answered.
“I never said I disliked you. I just don’t like emotions when they become excessive.”
“Fabian, you said once you wanted to truly experience life. If you don’t dislike me, then couldn’t you at least consider my proposal?”
I couldn’t understand him. It was… frustrating.
If I were him, I’d think of it as a good chance.
Instead, he treated my offer as if it were some kind of burden.
“Honestly, it just feels sad. You keep building walls around yourself, Fabian…”
“Do you even know me?”
“Huh…?”
“Irene Hartmann. Just how much do you think you know about me?”
His face was deadly serious, without the slightest smile.
I stared at him, flustered. Why… why was he suddenly saying this?
“I-I do know you… We’re friends, aren’t we?”
“……”
“Fabian, you…”
His silent stare made me nervous as I stumbled to continue.
“You like chocolate, and you like whisky. Especially peat-type whisky—you drink that the most.”
On nights without any duties the next day, he would sip it alone in the mansion.
Since it was his only hobby, I wanted to share it with him—because we were friends.
After all, even the same hobby feels richer when enjoyed together.
I even asked Sophie to find me books about whisky.
That’s how I discovered that the whisky he often drank—the one that always felt strangely empty—was a peat-type.
“And… and you’ve lived for a very long time. Much longer than me. You have far greater mana than I do, and because of its side effects, you can’t feel emotions well…”
“……”
“A-and also…”
“Yes. That long time.”
Just as I was thinking what else I knew about him, he spoke again.
“Have you ever lived for hundreds of years, Irene?”
“……”
“Have you ever watched everything come and go, unable to feel a thing, trapped in dull, lifeless emotions?”
“……”
I looked at him. My throat tightened.
‘Why…’
Why did I suddenly feel like crying?
In the dark, Fabian’s eyes shone.
Eyes as deep as the midnight sky—yet overflowing with loneliness.
Loneliness that no one who passed through his life had ever truly understood.
“You don’t know. You could never understand what kind of life I’ve lived. You’re just a fleeting being, here one moment and gone the next.”
“…Fabian.”
“So let’s stop this.”
I wanted to reply, to say something—anything—but Fabian cut me off coldly.
“I can’t, and I won’t, feel such childish emotions toward you.”
When he finished, Fabian turned away.
His cloak swayed with the night wind—
And then his figure melted into the darkness.
“……”
I bit my lip hard and stared silently at the empty darkness he left behind.
