Chapter 69
Several hours passed after returning home and having an early dinner, yet the sound of the cello continued. The same piece repeated over and over should have been tiresome, but the music scarcely ceased.
While reviewing a few documents in his study—papers that required his presence in the duchy itself—Kayente listened to the cello. He thought to himself that Yulia must truly possess great skill. To be able to repeat the same passage endlessly without boredom meant she loved the cello so deeply that she could play for hours without stopping.
If circumstances had unfolded differently, Yulia would have become a professional musician, just as she had wished. A famous one, admired by all. But if Baron Luper had accepted his own failure four years ago instead of striking down the late Count Clu, Yulia would never have been able to play the cello to this degree.
That had always been Kayente’s excuse for the guilt he carried—the guilt of tormenting someone innocent. The Baron’s words, “I cannot abandon my family’s livelihood,” had clearly been spoken for Yulia’s sake above all. That was why seeing her unchanged self would suddenly stir Kayente’s anger.
The Luper family, which should have collapsed four years ago, had survived by staking the father’s death as collateral. Misfortune that ought to have befallen the Lupers was instead poured onto the Clu family.
So, truly, there was nothing for him to feel sorry about…
On the walk back, with Yulia following behind, Kayente realized she was desperately holding back tears. He could neither turn to face her nor offer hollow comfort, because—as always—her tears had been provoked by him. And when he saw her together with Cain, he could not understand why it had enraged him so.
Strictly speaking, it was not anger at seeing her with Cain. Rather, it had begun when he learned she was speaking outside with some man.
Kayente finally set aside his documents before it grew too late and rose from his seat. As he walked the corridor, he noticed that although the piece she now played was bright, a faint sorrow clung to it. By the time he neared her chamber, the music stopped abruptly—perhaps because she sensed him nearby.
“You’re here?”
Before he could even open the door, Yulia had already put away the cello. She spoke the same words as yesterday, but without yesterday’s nervousness. The fear of facing something new had vanished, yet she still did not smile upon seeing him. The moment he met her wary eyes, Kayente’s fleetingly cooled anger surged back to the top of his head.
She smiled so easily at a stranger…
Even now, he could not pinpoint the exact reason for his anger. He guessed it was instinct. A primal instinct: that the woman meant to bear his children was speaking with another man. Like a warning signal.
He recalled hearing once that predators like lions, in order to claim a female, would even target the offspring she was raising from another male.
Unlike the previous night, Yulia did not shrink back. Yet her body, which had loosened under kisses and caresses yesterday, did not open as easily tonight. She was tense, making it difficult even to begin.
But Kayente did not stop. The strange, overpowering desire for her to carry his child drove him on, and at last they joined as one. As he began to move slowly, Yulia gripped the sheets tightly and bit her lip, turning her head aside.
“Look at me.”
He feared she might be crying or enduring pain, but her eyes were hazy, softened, and in time she let out faint moans—less intense than yesterday’s, yet genuine. Relieved, Kayente embraced her. Nothing made him happier than knowing she was not forcing herself to accept him.
Still, it was not enough. Their bodies fit so perfectly, but the emotional distance remained unclosed, leaving the act hollow.
“For flaring up at you without explanation…”
Would it help if he apologized? I’m sorry I got angry for no reason, even I don’t know why. But Kayente could not bring himself to say it. There were already mountains of things he ought to apologize for; a moment’s outburst seemed insignificant in comparison.
“That man… he’s notorious for taking women without marriage and then discarding them. So that’s why…”
The words spilled on. Yulia’s dazed eyes regained a faint sparkle, thinking perhaps he was about to apologize. Kayente liked that glimmer. And it angered him again—that he wanted her to truly be happy in his arms. His movements grew rougher, startling her wide-eyed.
“Brother, slower… please…”
She clung to him, asking him to slow down, but Kayente swallowed even those words with his lips, pressing on until he poured himself deeply into her.
“Ah…!”
As his body shuddered, her toes curled as well. Though less intense than last night, and despite the poor mood, the pleasure still built solidly from within.
When she had first heard his footsteps outside the door, she had felt sorrow that she could not tell him she wanted to rest tonight. Yet once the act began, she found herself not minding at all. Against her bare skin chilled by the night air, his heated body was comforting. Held in his arms, she reached her peak in unison with him.
“Wake early tomorrow. Since we’ve come this far, we must tour the domain.”
“Yes.”
Kayente withdrew and climbed down from the bed. Yulia thought, So he won’t sleep holding me, like last night, and pulled the blanket to cover herself, turning her back. Watching him leave the bed as though their act had no purpose beyond making a child saddened her.
“I don’t mean at dawn. But why couldn’t you wake up today? Were you in much pain?”
“No… It was just my first time, that’s all. That must be why.”
“And today?”
“Better than yesterday. I suppose I’ll grow used to it.”
She stopped herself from adding that there was nothing to worry about. He would never worry for her. His concern must only be that her weakness might inconvenience him. Luckily, today he had things to occupy him alone, but touring the domain on their first visit to the duchy was not something she could skip.
“After we see the domain, I had thought to visit the Casad mines. But perhaps not. Is there anywhere else you’re curious about?”
“No. I hardly know anything outside the Empire anyway.”
“I see.”
The mattress dipped, and Yulia thought he was rising to leave. But instead, Kayente lifted the blanket and slipped inside, wrapping his arms around her from behind.
“Sleep.”
“Yes.”
She had expected him to leave her, yet here he was, his warmth pressed against her back. She was glad. Truthfully, she had felt chilled lying bare and had thought of calling Becky for a hot bath, but now she no longer needed to. Tears welled at the joy, but then sorrow struck at the thought that she was so easily satisfied with so little. A single tear rolled down her cheek onto the pillow.
“Good night, brother.”
Her eyes closed, but sleep did not come easily.
* * *
“Shall we load more flowers?”
“This much is plenty, madam.”
“Is it?”
Though she had not risen very late, Yulia had clearly woken much earlier. Hearing her bright voice from the garden, Kayente opened his eyes. Throwing on yesterday’s clothes and a robe, he stepped outside to find her already in a traveling dress, bustling between the carriage and a pile of luggage.
“What are you doing?”
“You’re awake, my lord.”
“You’re up already?”
“I asked what you’re doing.”
“Madam said she couldn’t visit the domain empty-handed, so we’re preparing gifts.”
“Since the domain lies further north, I packed blankets, fresh fruit, sweets for the children, and cut flowers from the garden…”
Catching Kayente’s gaze, Yulia faltered. Her cheerful listing of items halted, and her expression dimmed, watching his reaction.
“If it’s unnecessary, I’ll put them back. I should have asked you first, shouldn’t I?”
“Merwin.”
“Yes, my lord?”
“Send word to the nearest shop. Order as much sugar and salt as the carriage can hold.”
Yulia, who had looked a little frightened, immediately brightened and smiled radiantly at his words.
Under the morning sunlight, Kayente bit his lip, seeing the shadows beneath her eyes. There was no escaping the wave of self-reproach.
Last night, though Yulia stifled her sounds, he had known from her trembling body that she was crying. She had done her utmost to hide it. If her tears had been for her family, she would not have hidden them from him. He realized she wept because of what he had done, and he could not even bring himself to comfort her.
No matter how her body responded, it was clear: she had not wanted it. And yet, in such an atmosphere, they had lain together.
“Since we’re ordering, could we also request some crates of those apples we had with dinner?”
Even so, she smiled like this at the thought of others enjoying her gifts. Kayente could hardly look at her, the sight was so dazzling it pained him.
